Faking Illness

[Minx]

Hi

 

Anybody out there suffer with their child faking illness. My 13 year old son, Tom who is HFA fakes illness to get out of going to school regularly. The last straw was on Friday, as he was supposed to be going to Scout Camp and did not want to go. We had encouraged him to go to improve his social skills. He has been to camp many times before, but this time they were going to look after themselves, i.e cooking themselves, puting up tents etc. Obviously Tom finds this extremely difficult. I had a phone call on Friday to say he was feeling sick at school. I do honestly believe he made himself sick, but the moment he heard that the camp was cancelled due to bad weather he made a complete recover.

 

We did no punish him and are at a bit of loss what to do.

 

 

Mandy

[jlp]

I think this is starting to happen with my ds who's 7. Last night he was up until 11pm saying he was hot (he didn't feel hot and had ben fine all day). He wondered aloud what would happen if he still felt hot this morning. This morning his first words were 'I'm hot', he was fine got ready, got to school and ran around like a loony then just as the bell rang he decided he was hot again and wasn't very happy he was getting sent in to school. I gave him calpol just incase but I'm pretty sure he felt a bit hot last night and wondered if it would get him a day off school.

 

It's really difficult - I don't want him to learn how to fake illness and I'm always worried incase he is genuinely ill. I tend to judge by watching him, like in the yard this morning. It's also in my mind that there might be a genuine reason - unrelated to illness - why he can't face school.

 

I myself was the worlds worst faker of illness as a child, my Mam was pretty soft and I did ok, it didn't affect my exam results at all even though my attendance was appalling. Some days the thought of school was just too depressing although usually when I did get there I was fine, it was more the idea of it that the reality. I would do work at home though which my ds wouldn't and you say your lad won't which makes missing school matter a bit more.

 

In the case of missing Scout Camp, it's a shame. It does sound as though he had got himself into a bit of a state about it. Was it last minute nerves do you think? Was he looking forward to it originally?

[Minx]

I think this is starting to happen with my ds who's 7. Last night he was up until 11pm saying he was hot (he didn't feel hot and had ben fine all day). He wondered aloud what would happen if he still felt hot this morning. This morning his first words were 'I'm hot', he was fine got ready, got to school and ran around like a loony then just as the bell rang he decided he was hot again and wasn't very happy he was getting sent in to school. I gave him calpol just incase but I'm pretty sure he felt a bit hot last night and wondered if it would get him a day off school.

 

It's really difficult - I don't want him to learn how to fake illness and I'm always worried incase he is genuinely ill. I tend to judge by watching him, like in the yard this morning. It's also in my mind that there might be a genuine reason - unrelated to illness - why he can't face school.

 

I myself was the worlds worst faker of illness as a child, my Mam was pretty soft and I did ok, it didn't affect my exam results at all even though my attendance was appalling. Some days the thought of school was just too depressing although usually when I did get there I was fine, it was more the idea of it that the reality. I would do work at home though which my ds wouldn't and you say your lad won't which makes missing school matter a bit more.

 

In the case of missing Scout Camp, it's a shame. It does sound as though he had got himself into a bit of a state about it. Was it last minute nerves do you think? Was he looking forward to it originally?

 

HI

 

He was originally all for going to Scout Camp, but I think also a boy he does not get on with was made leader and is experienced at cooking. I think Tom's self esteem was low and he finds these type of tasks extremeley difficult. He is very laid back and likes everything done for him.

 

The faking illness is quite worrying though. As I can not always tell whether he is genuinely ill or not. He uses this to get himself out of situations. I think we will have to look at coping strategies with him.

 

Mandy

[oxgirl]

My lad is 13 (AS) and he would never fake an illness, it wouldn't occur to him, but he isn't always aware of how he is feeling, iyswim. He could actually be feeling poorly and it hasn't registered yet, or he could be okay but feel a bit tired so, therefore, can't decide if he's feeling ill or not. Because of his sensory probs. he isn't fully aware or able to pinpoint just HOW he is feeling, does that make sense?

 

Could it be that your lad was very anxious about the trip and was worrying so much that he actually did feel sick? I know from my lad, that I have a lot of trouble working out how he is feeling physically, because he can look terrible, but seem okay in himself and I don't think he knows himself sometimes.

 

~ Mel ~

[Minx]

My lad is 13 (AS) and he would never fake an illness, it wouldn't occur to him, but he isn't always aware of how he is feeling, iyswim. He could actually be feeling poorly and it hasn't registered yet, or he could be okay but feel a bit tired so, therefore, can't decide if he's feeling ill or not. Because of his sensory probs. he isn't fully aware or able to pinpoint just HOW he is feeling, does that make sense?

 

Could it be that your lad was very anxious about the trip and was worrying so much that he actually did feel sick? I know from my lad, that I have a lot of trouble working out how he is feeling physically, because he can look terrible, but seem okay in himself and I don't think he knows himself sometimes.

 

~ Mel ~

 

HI

 

I think he had actually made himself feel sick. I think really he has terrible trouble telling me how he is feeling and using illness as I way out..

 

Thanks

 

Mandy

[Kazzen161]

I have had lots of problems with this since my youngest started secondary school. It is a family joke - his Twin tells everyone at school that his brother is skiving!

 

I don't think my son is lying - it's just that he feels tired/stressed at times, and then feels "ill" and needs a day off.

 

He has just been off for three weeks, and it has been really difficult to judge if he was really ill or not. I think he did have a virus to start with, but then the feeling sick/dizzy kept coming and going (worse in the morning!). There was no reason to believe he was stressed (he is OK about school now), so I didn't know what to think. I did make sure he had a boring time at home though, and took him to the doctor's twice.

 

I think if I was you, I would talk generally about lying and the "cry wolf" story - if he lies, you will never know if he is telling the truth or not. Encourage him to talk to you about any worries (or he could write you a note). Make sure he knows that you get worried about things sometimes too, and how you deal with that. It might be worth talking about the trip now that it is not going to happen, to see if you can find out if he was worried about it, and what strategies you could have used to reassure him.

 

If only we were all mind readers!

[Clare63]

Don't know if its relevant or not, but Autisim Outreach told me that children with AS take twice as long as other children to recover from an illness, tiredness, over excitment, upset etc. My lad had a poorly tummy and had a whole week off school, she did not think this was unrealistic and was quite normal for a child with AS, when I discussed with her whether or not she thought he might be taking advantage.

 

Clare x x x