Adult diagnosis: Appreciate Any Advice/Help

[Dg1977]

Hello

 

Firstly I need to say I've probably spent the past 48hrs deciding how best to type this post and I can almost guarantee I will get it wrong - which is probably a big reason as to why I wanted to join this forum in the hope that I may be able to get some outlet/advice for dealing with a feeling that seems to be getting worse.

 

I don't wish to lay all of my problems out in a post; that wouldn't be fair to you guys who no doubt have more important issues to face. I am however reaching the point where I don't know where to go in order to talk about my concerns over how I react to people/life.

 

I'm 29 and have always felt different/outside and alone from anyone. I think because I have always put it down to being some sort of depression that I never sought to think that it could be a behavour problem. The real turning point has come this year... I don't have any contact with my dad anymore but my mum was talking to me a few months ago and it has been pretty much said to her that he has Aspergers - looking into it and thinking about his behaviour since I can remember from when I was young; it almost knocked me over.

 

I am pretty much my dad through and through in terms of behaviour (possibly explaining the estrangement) and this has just felt like a bolt of lightening. I think I want to talk it through with somebody.

 

I didnt go into specific detail but someone at work gave me a number for general counselling; I didnt ring it though because I knew they wouldnt listen to me properly over the phone and I know if I picked up a phone now I would make a hash of explaining whats wrong.

 

Anyhow - is there anyone out there who suddenly became aware that they may have this and how did you go about seeing/talking to someone about it? It's actually scary when I think about the things I do to get by - I'm even extremely embarassed to say that I have a tendancy to mimic peoples accents for about as long as I remember; I don't even know why anymore - i think it makes me feel like I fit in for some odd reason.

 

I'm really sorry to post such a messy topic but would appreciate the advice, even if it is to say I am just stupid for even contemplating the thought that I may have a problem such as this.

 

Theres no one I can talk to though so I thought maybe someone has had a similar experience.

 

thanks for your time anyway

 

DG

[llisa32]

Hi DG....I'm glad you plucked up the courage to post...first ones always the hardest:) (speaking from experience

 

I don't know anything helpful to you regards adults with aspergers unfortunately, but I'm pretty sure there will be a whole bunch of people on here who will...you are definately in the right place for info/advice/support.

 

Take care

Lisa

[Dg1977]

Thanks Lisa.. thats nice of you

[Clare63]

HI DG and welcome to the forum, I am so glad you have made your first post and you have done a perfectly good job.

 

Like Lisa says there will be lots of people on here to give you advice and ideas on how to take this forward.

 

My recommendation is to perhaps research as much as you can, my son was diagnosed only in January this year and AS was totally new to us, this forum has helped us as a family enormously and is a great place to start.

 

Following our own research into aspergers my husband and have realised that he too possibly has traits as does his Father (both undiagnosed), it does not change anything but perhaps helps us to understand some of our differences and behaviours. For example :- when I have been up set my husband has never shown any emotion or comfort towards me, when I have said "all I would like is a cuddle and to be told everything will be alright" he says well I can't do that because I don't know that it will and I don't understand why you are upset over "such and such" before I thought he didn't care, but now I understand he does but needs clear direction of how I am actually feeling and what he can actually do to help me.

 

Sorry waffled on a bit there. Anyway I hope you find the answers you want and I look forward to getting to know you in this "cyber world"

 

Clare x

[Minxygal]

Would it be worth going for diagnosis.

 

Theres some work being done in Cambridge and as part of it they are offering free assessments. Can't remember the name of the doctor but I know you just need a referal from your GP to qualify. Might be worth looking into

[Dg1977]

thank you minxygal and clare63; i think i will look into the suggestions; there was a topic posted about why adults feel the need for a diagnosis; i think it would help me just to see if I could attribute (but not blame) my actions and behaviours to something.

 

after all, people go to doctors to find out if they can put a reason behind a pain.

 

Clare - you made an interesting reference about lack of emotion; I've always found it hard to understand what emotion to give at a certain time and i guess that can seem cold... it's funny but my boss laughed at me the other week and joked that if i won the lottery i would just sit there with the same expression on my face - she was shouting over the desk "you've won the lottery, you've won the lottery" - i didnt know where to put myself.. ha ha.

 

i presume it must come more naturally to some than others but i wonder if thats a male trait also.

 

anyhow I mustnt waffle on..

[Clare63]

DG, your welcome.

 

Re emotions, I think you may be right about a "male thing" one of the psychologist said once to me that she thought it was strange that most psychologists are female and most people with aspergers are men, and that perhaps its just a lable we give men we don't understand.....you know like "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"...... well I don't know about that and I assume she was joking !

 

I hope you get some answers, you'll certainly get plently of support and friendship on this forum if you want it.

 

Clare x

[Kathryn]

Hi DG and welcome to the forum.

 

I've changed your title to make the subject more explicit and attract more replies - hope that's OK. As you may have noticed if you've read some of the threads, there are several people on this forum who have obtained a diagnosis in later life, or are in the process of doing so, or like yourself, just thinking about the possibility.

 

If you do pursue a diagnosis, I think everyone would agree that it's important to get a referral to someone with a thorough knowledge of autistic spectrum conditions and experience of recognising them in adults, or it can be a frustrating experience.

 

K x

[baddad]

one of the psychologist said once to me that she thought it was strange that most psychologists are female and most people with aspergers are men, and that perhaps its just a lable we give men we don't understand...

Clare x

 

I like that conspiracy theory! I've got to admit I have some real problems with 'male brain' theory - I think men and women can be equally 'literal', 'obsessive', and all those other 'MBT traits': Just about very different things. The assumption seems to be, however, that the things women do it about are somehow ok while the blokey stuff isn't, and i'd like to know (SBC aside) who's making the distinctions! Lets add 'a predilection for a wide range of footwear' to the AS equation and the balance swings WAYYYYYYYYY

back in the other direction.

Not an absolute science of course (so back off Mumble and Bard and all you other non-shoe fetishist FM's), but........

 

Welcome to the forum dg - and sorry for briefly boosting your thread

 

L&P

 

BD

[Mumble]

I like that conspiracy theory! I've got to admit I have some real problems with 'male brain' theory - I think men and women can be equally 'literal', 'obsessive', and all those other 'MBT traits': Just about very different things. The assumption seems to be, however, that the things women do it about are somehow ok while the blokey stuff isn't, and i'd like to know (SBC aside) who's making the distinctions! Lets add 'a predilection for a wide range of footwear' to the AS equation and the balance swings WAYYYYYYYYY

back in the other direction.

Not an absolute science of course (so back off Mumble and Bard and all you other non-shoe fetishist FM's), but........

 

Welcome to the forum dg - and sorry for briefly boosting your thread

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Baddad,

 

I know you don't want me to reply and I'm sorry if I'm breaking your rule. However, (and this is not just your post but a general misunderstanding), the 'Extreme Male Brain Theory' of autism proposed by SBC et al is not about saying that AS individuals are more male. His title is unfortunate in that people who pick up on this theory without going into the biological research underlying it will take, as you and most others do, it to mean just that - AS individuals are more 'male' in some way (which, given that masculinity is a social construct is a rather difficult argument anyway) - his title was written to sell his book (mainly in the US) and as such a tactic has worked through some of the controversy it has created.

 

Now I've been to a very recent lecture with SBC on his theory - there are several published papers you could read if you actually want to get a better grasp on this theory, but the basic premise is that AS individuals appear (and they can only say 'appear' beause this is part of an ongoing longitudinal study) to have an abnormally high level of fetal testosterone (male hormone) in the womb during embryo development. The theory takes and extrapolates this finding to produce positive correlations between fetal testosterone and AQ characteristics. It is in fact a very interesting way to explore why, potentially, more males than females appear to have/are diagnosed with AS. In addition, the empathy/systemizing quotiants, as two discrete variables, produce through a statistical factor analysis four distinct 'types', corresponding to high/low on each independent scale. Hence, there is nothing in this theory to say that a female cannot be 'feminine' and autistic, as the scales are independent - yes it's more likely that AS individuals have lower EQ scores (although a lower EQ score does not presuppose lack of femininity and vice versa in the same way as femininity does not have to equal female), but this is purely because such individuals can fall into two of the three categories where you find AS individuals, whereas a high EQ would more likely place you in one area.

 

Mumble (who's now worried she's going to be in trouble)

[Bard]

Not an absolute science of course (so back off Mumble and Bard and all you other non-shoe fetishist FM's), but........

 

Are we really that scary Baddad?

Or is it our incisive, chocolate and oestrogen-fuelled arguments that worry you?

Yeah! Bard and Mumble, vanguard of the Monstrous Regiment!

Edited June 28, 2007 by Bard

[baddad]

All that's far too clever for me, Mumble!

Honestly, I was just sort of half teasing: I don't think for one mimute that he's saying AS females are more 'blokey', and my reasons for disagreeing with some of the MBT are a bit more considered, but it's late so I'll explain another time!

At the risk of making it worse, I will say that in some ways I think SBC has turned into the Delia Smith of autism - sort of 'it's one of delia's recipes so it must be good!'

He's an Oz, i think, so he'd say it's 'tall poppy syndrome!'

I know you think quite highly of him though, and I wouldn't dream of suggesting that I'm 'right' - I just have a different opinion on some of his recipes. Mostly, i thinks he's pretty on the ball

 

L&P

 

BD