AS Disclosure

[Mumble]

I need some positive vibes and reassurance that I'm about to do the right thing.

 

The time has come (I have been odd enough ) where the researchers in my research group at uni (that's 14 people - 3 of them already know) need to know about me being AS so that they can understand and support me appropriately. Without them knowing, I can't expect them to understand or help.

 

I have written out a piece about AS and about me which I'm happy with and have discussed with my supervisor. I have also added links to websites that I think are useful and view AS positively.

 

So now I'm sitting with this writing and a list of email addresses. All I have to do is connect the two and press send, but for some reason that's far, far harder than I ever imagined it could be I'm shaking and I'm not really sure why. This is something that has to be done and it is something that I want to do - I haven't been forced into it and I've been fully supported by my supervisor (and I trust him to tell me if it was wrong) - so why do I feel as I do (and I'm not really sure how I feel which doesn't help.

 

Uneasy Mumble

[llisa32]

<'> Hiya...I think it is absolutely the right thing to do, and I think once you've pressed send you'll feel a huge sense of relief - as well as probably a bit nervous - but thats understandable...you're disclosing something very personal about yourself, but in your case and current circumstances I whole heartedly agree with your supervisor.

 

There might well be one or 2 peeps that have no understanding at present and have no inclination to know - in that case it will make no difference to the current relationship you have with them.

 

The upside is there will most definately be one or two peeps what will think 'aha!....so thats why maybe it's difficult for her to 'chat' to us, or share out table at dinner etc etc - those are the peeps who can make your uni experience that bit richer.

 

I know It's a huge big step for you, but once it's done it's done...you no longer have to worry about how people 'perceive' you in your closest circle...you've given them the infomation they require to understand you a little better. I am sure this will all help you in the long run...you're happy with your statement and comments, your tutors happy....hit send then go have a huge bar of choccy and an even bigger hug from me for taking the leap <'>

[pearl]

Have you done it yet?

<'>

A big, scary, necessary step.

[Mumble]

Have you done it yet?

Nope

 

I think I'll go and have some lunch and think about it

 

Any ideas what would be sensible to put in the 'subject' box of the email?

[llisa32]

I think in the subject title box you could simply put:

 

'An update on me'

 

or..

 

'An update from me'

 

You don't want to sound too formal (IMO) as you're disclosing something about yourself that you are comfortable and that you would like to share with others.

 

In your opening sentance you could say something like:

 

'I felt that it was the right time to give you all some personal information about myself, hopefully you will find this useful as we interact/work with each other'

 

Hope this helps <'>

[Nic m]

Hi Mumble

I dont have any advice but wanted to let you know you are doing the right thing

best wishes

Nicola

[Clare63]

Mumble, sounds like the right thing to do.... hope you manage to press the button soon !

 

Clare x x x

[Mumble]

Ok, I'm freaking about this now - why, when I know it's the right thing to do, I'm not sure.

 

So a plan - I'm going out away from the puter for a walk to clear my head a little then I'm going to buy Happy Feet which I've been promising myself for ages, some choccy and possibly 'accidentally' pop into the coffee shop for a yummy mango drink. Once I've sent the damn email I'm going to have a DVD/Choccy evening to celebrate!!!!

[llisa32]

Good plan!! and no matter how you currently feel about pressing that pesky send button it will be a cause for you to celebrate!

 

Lets us know when you've done it and then you can share out the choccies <'>

 

I will 'officially' on this forum also give up all my 'sharing right's' to Lee!!.....but only when you've pressed send

[baddad]

Hi Mumble -

Hope you taking your time with that choccy and enjoying happy feet

Totally agree with you that it's a good idea to let everyone know, but can also understand why it might make you feel uneasy (not that it should, of course, but should and would aren't always the same!)...

Just a couple of thoughts for consideration. Probably me being a bit dim, but when you say 'researchers' does this refer to other students on your course you're working in tandem with?

Either way, I think if I was in your position i would be more inclined to approach it less directly by asking the (your) supervisor to make an initial 'announcement' or to perhaps write a cover e-mail with your own as an attachment.

The reason I suggest that is from seeing some of the responses I get when I raise Ben's difficulties in some situations - reactions that can run from 'embarrassed silence' through dismissive to the downright patronising... these initial, horribly inappropriate and offensive responses can evolve into something much more accepting and supportive in time, but at the outset it might be beneficial for you to have a bit of distance, IYKWIM.

Another option could be to ask the three who do know to share that information in a more informal way with the others?

 

Hope that makes sense(?) and I've managed to put it across properly... certainly there's no reason why a simple e-mail should be a problem to anyone, and if it is/was it's their problem not yours

 

L&P

 

BD

[Mumble]

They didn't have a copy of Happy Feet in the store It's been there for ages - several copies - slowly getting cheaper and I've always said, "I'll wait till it's �1 cheaper then I'll get it" - and now it's gone I wonder if that's an omen . Still I got the choccy!!!!

 

BD - thanks for your thoughts. Two of them are students, but the rest of them are academics who make up the research group into which my study fits. I had thought about a cover thing or something coming from my supervisor - I'll email him and discuss it a little further before I press 'send'. Getting 'those who know' to explain to 'those who don't' would seem a good idea, but the difficulty there is that me as a person is removed. This was initially the way it was done - one person told the other three - but I felt so out of control it freaked me out more than sitting here staring at the send button.

 

What's worrying me is not the sending but what happens after, as you identify BD - I'm terrified of the embarassed silence - uni is about the only place I have ever felt that I 'fit' and whilst some of the academics may assume I'm a little 'wierd' most accept me for who I am. I wouldn't want to loose that small amount of 'human contact' that I have. However, I'm very realistic that 'the little wierds' will escalate, particularly over this year (more conferences etc - and if the last was anything to go by I need those with me to be aware) and that it's far better to be proactive about disclosure, and the beginning iof term seems as good a time as any, rather than waiting until something happens and it looking more like I'm using AS to excuse my behaviour.

[mumble_rocks]

OO Mumble I know how you feel!!

 

Although mine is no a dx it is there if that makes sence!

My group have been told by my tutor of my new group that I have dyslexia and dyspraxia both of which are true he also said that because of these I dont understand scarasm and take things literally! I wanna tell them as there are a very supporive group and I know that a few of the 8 have dyslexia and a few are saying how does dyspraxia give you that! I wanna tell them as well! Let me know how you get on!

[Tally]

I'm sorry there were no Happy Feet! Maybe you can find it somewhere else. I don't think it's an omen, I think it's just plain unlucky.

 

You have thought this through, talked it over with your supervisor, and everyone (most importantly, you) are happy that this is the right thing to do. The timing does make sense for the reasons you said.

 

For those who find you a little weird but accept the way you are, this will simply give a name to why you are the way you are, and won't change the way they see you. For the few who don't accept the way you are, this will probably not make any difference, but nothing would anyway.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

[Mumble]

I pressed 'send'

 

Why do I feel so ###### terrified - this is supposed to be a positive thing.

[llisa32]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Well done!!

 

You feel terrified because it's a huge personal step for you, and probably you'll worrying a little about what might happen afterwards...Try not to worry...I honestly believe this is a really positive thing for you to do.

 

You might find that nothing much 'happens' ...quite often our perception of other peoples reactions is always in the extreme when it's something really personal. Quite likely that your colleagues will read the mail with interest, pehaps mention it when they see you...other might never mention the mail but will approach you in a more sensitive fashion than perhaps they had done previously, some may just store the info and you'll never gauge the reaction.

 

Whatever they all choose to do with the information you gave them - at least you gave it...it's a very big step, and I'm really really proud of you <'>

[pearl]

Well done you <'>

I've been thinking about you all day.

[Bagpuss]

Just read thru this thread Mumble....well done! Sorry about Happy Feet, maybe you could buy it online....it's normally cheaper too. Take care and hope it all goes ok for you <'>

[smiley]

<'> <'> <'>

[baddad]

For those who find you a little weird but accept the way you are, this will simply give a name to why you are the way you are, and won't change the way they see you. For the few who don't accept the way you are, this will probably not make any difference, but nothing would anyway.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

 

Tally's hit the nail on the head I think another big factor is that some 'fence sitters' will now have more of a handle on the differences they had picked up on. It doesn't actually mean they will understand any better, but they will feel more confident that they think they do, if that makes any sense(?)

 

Very best for tomorrow <'>

 

L&P

 

BD

[wishingwell]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Well done Mumble, that must have been really tough but you did the right thing.

 

I hope you find your Happy Feet soon.

 

K x