Transport - other mother is being hostile!

[oxgirl]

I feel so churned up and upset. A mother of a child on the taxi is treating me really unfairly, I think.

 

For the first two years Jay was at his Unit, I did all the driving myself, 2.5 hours a day at least. The last couple of months I've taken up transport for him, just two mornings a week and one afternoon at the moment. Because there is a taxi going from my town they've put him on that, even though the other two children using that taxi go to a different school and have different start and finish times! Consequently, it's meant earlier starts for them and a long time on the taxi (well over an hour) for my lad and he's also very often late. Basically, it isn't working for any of us and we've all complained to the LEA about it.

 

I was quite friendly with one of the other mums, we chatted via email and I met her once, she came to my home and I gave her lunch. Now she has turned nasty. She obviously blames me for the taxi situation and she asked me to take him off it and take him in myself until it is sorted! I politely explained that my lad has as much right as anyone to transport and now she's turned really hostile. She keeps sending me irate emails ranting about the problems she has in the mornings because of my son and I think she's being so unfair and unreasonable. I'm keeping polite and reasonable and keep telling her that we need to be putting pressure on the LEA and getting THEM to sort it out, but she seems to think I should remove my lad and that then her problem will be solved.

 

I'm so upset. I had a horrid email from her last night and it's making me feel so uncomfortable. Jay went off in the taxi this morning at 7.35 and I've been knotted up inside since then. It's really not my fault that she's having problems, I'm not responsible for her family, I have enough troubles of my own.

 

What should I do?!

 

~ Mel ~

Edited December 4, 2007 by oxgirl

[Bagpuss]

Ignore her! You cannot take responsiblity for the transport arrangements for her child....if she is so upset, let her take her own child out of the taxi and run them to school. Proceed with caution, knock the friendship on the head, she is treating you very unfairly Mel <'>

[pearl]

Yup, what Baggy said. Refuse to engage. After all, your lad is being incovenienced too, not as if its all one sided.

[Suze]

How awful........I,d e-mail back saying the situation is difficult for you both, but she,s needs to stop blaming you and that you feel she is picking on you, then I would,nt communicate again.You don,t need the stress or aggravation............big hugs suzex.

[Caffeine Junkie]

I personally would forward the emails to the transport department.

[Lynden]

I agree with Caffeine Junkie. I would forward them to transport or the LEA - it might give them that push to provide better transport for all the kids if they see the problems it is causing. The other Mums behaviour isn't acceptable as your son has exactly the same rights as hers.

 

Lynne x

[oxgirl]

Thanks for the support, as usual, guys. <'> I feel quite intimidated by her now and I haven't done anything wrong. I've told her it's not my decision and it's just as difficult for me as for her, but she seems to not want to listen to reason.

I've told the Transport Dept. that I've been put in the difficult position of being approached directly by another parent asking me to remove my son from the taxi, but haven't had any response from them.

She's hinted that she'll delay the taxi, thereby making my son late. It's just unnecessary, I feel like I'm being bullied!

 

~ Mel ~

[Tally]

It is not you or your son who has inconvenienced this woman and her family, it is the people who arrange transport who have inconvenienced her. You should not remove your son from something you are entitled to. You can probably block her emails, or at least delete them without reading.

[oxgirl]

Thing is, I had intended to increase the number of days he goes in the taxi gradually but now I feel really awkward about it and like I shouldn't do it. It's just not fair that I'm being made to feel like this.

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Increase them Mel! Don't let her bully you........you do what is right for you son! <'>

 

She sounds like she has other issues going on here, seems abit extreme to threaten to delay a taxi, and if the driver has anything about him, he'll report her for it!

[oxgirl]

I do feel for her. She has two other children and she works too. She says if she has to take this lad into school herself then she has to drop off her 7 year old at his school 15 mins before it opens to wait on his own. Her lad keeps refusing to get in the taxi, though, 'cos it's too early and he hasn't had breakfast, etc. Jay said that this morning she was fighting with him to get him in and he was kicking and screaming, saying he didn't want to get in the taxi. They waited to see if he'd calm down but he didn't so they went without him. She's making me feel terrible, but I have to do what is right for us and think of us, otherwise I'll make myself ill by continuing to try and do it all myself. I can't win really.

 

~ Mel ~

[Flora]

Mel

 

It is no doubt very difficult for her and her son, but this is NOT your responsibility. She has absolutely no right to bully you like this, no matter how hard things are. The people who should be in her line of fire are the LEA. You should ignore this woman, maybe sympathise and repeat the advice that she takes it up with the LEA, but do not give in to her pressure for you to take Jay out of the taxi. Your responsibility is to your own son, not hers.

I can't believe she asked you to stop sending Jay in the taxi. She's obviously under tremendous pressure but she's way out of order taking it out on you.

 

Hope you can secure a solution that benefits all of you.

 

flora x

[oxgirl]

Thanks flora, I know you're absolutely right. <'> Everyone has said exactly what I feel and I know she is out of order. She said she'd asked me 'as a friend' to opt out and do 2.5 extra hours of driving a week as a favour for her! I've only met her once!! I wouldn't ask my closest friend (if I had one) to do that, let alone someone I'd only met once. Somehow I couldn't see her doing it for me if I asked her to do that! I don't know what she thought gave her the right to ask that of me, what a cheek!! I'm so annoyed with her but also feeling terrible at the same time.

When Jay was telling me about what happened this morning, he said 'I hope it's not our fault', I told him no, it certainly isn't.

 

~ Mel ~

[witsend]

Hi Mel - <'> this is awful for you. This woman sounds very manipulative and she is def bullying you. As others have said I would block her e mails and then get onto the transport people and the LEA and let them have all the stress that is being put on to you! You have the grace to understand her situation but she is being so unfair to you it makes me really cross thinking about it. Can you go to the transport office and sit there until you can see someone in person the tell them exactly how it is?

Best of luck - take care

Luv Witsend.

[oxgirl]

Thanks Witsend. <'> Every time I log into my email account I get a tight tummy now as I'm so anxious about it. I don't cope very well with situations like this.

I can't get up to the Transport Office, nope, but I think I'll just ignore any future emails I get from her. I'm going to increase the journeys Jay has per week in the taxi and I know that's going to cause more problems for her but it might actually help in the long run because it could force their hand and make them provide a separate taxi. Never know.

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

I'd definately block her from emailing you again Mel. Then you won't have to worry when you log in to check them. Take care <'>

[oxgirl]

Thanks Bagpuss. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Annea]

Hi Oxgirl,

I hope you manage to sort this out.

I hate bullying of any sort and this is what this woman is!

 

We all know what it feels like when things go ti*s up, but it isn't your fault and she has no right to intimadte you in your own home.

 

I have been in the situation where I was being harrassed by a parent by email over a disagreemnt she felt we had had, in the end I printed them off and too them to the police station, they had a 'polite word with her' and the mails stopped immediately. It might seem extreme but she has no right to take her frustration out on you.

 

I would also write the LEA, forward these mails but ensure you tell them about the effects that the journey is having on all the children. Transport should not cause stress to the child, and IPSEA have been really helpful to me in the past regarding a transport issue. My daugher now gets a taxi alone and has done for the past year. LEA's can't make these decisions purely on funding.

 

I really hope you get it sorted, there are peole in this world who are just downright mean, but ultimately it's probably this woman's stress that is making her do this (this is not acceptable though)

 

Take care

 

Anne

[oxgirl]

Thanks, Anne. <'> I do understand this woman's frustration, the transport situation isn't working at all. My lad spends over half an hour driving round our town to pick up the others and then drives right back past the end of our road before actually leaving our town to set off. He's in the taxi for well over an hour and is usually still late, so it's not even as if we are happy and they are not, none of us are happy. The LEA have flat refused to put on an extra taxi, they're just trying to squeeze us all together and it's not fair on any of them.

 

This woman just wants a quick solution, I suppose, and thinks if we pull out her problems will be over, but, as I've tried to explain to her, that would just mean the LEA will think the problem is solved and then won't have to do anything. I've told her it would make more sense for me to increase my lad's journeys and force their hand, but I can't see them doing anything about it. I hope she's complaining to the LEA just as loudly as she is to me, if I were her I'd be on to them every day there's a problem.

 

I'm coming to the point where I feel it might be less stressful if I just did the driving myself, but because he's part-time and I spend so much time driving each day I can't work, I can't do anything, it's like I'm in limbo just waiting my life away and now this woman is hating me wanting more of a life.

 

~ Mel ~