Why can't I just say when theres a problem?

[ScienceGeek]

So I'm at uni now and when I was walking through the campus I bumped into my mentor. He asked if I was ok, clearly I wasn't and he sounded concerned. Why couldn't I just say yes that there was a problem, instead of just mumbling that everything was ok. I hate asking for help, 15mins until the lecture and I just want to run home.

[Kinda]

Hi SG

 

Not sure why you can't just tell him there's a problem but the other issue is dwelling on it as well. When I'm particularly stressed and on overload I have difficulty putting issues in the correct box and moving on.

 

This means they tend to stack up and add to the overload problem.

 

The feeling of having said something after a meeting/conversation is also a NT trait.

Edited February 13, 2008 by Kinda

[ScienceGeek]

Ok, now I'm really annoyed. They've moved our lecture to a part of the building I don't know WTF

[Karen A]

<'> <'> Getting information that there has been a last minuts change would stress me out too.

I hope you can get there ok.It is difficult to admit to not being ok even when people want to help.Karen.

[Mumble]

So I'm at uni now and when I was walking through the campus I bumped into my mentor. He asked if I was ok, clearly I wasn't and he sounded concerned. Why couldn't I just say yes that there was a problem, instead of just mumbling that everything was ok. I hate asking for help, 15mins until the lecture and I just want to run home.

Ooooh, I know that one. I don't have a mentor () but I do have concerned academics, especially my supervisor, and I'll mumble (hence my name in part!) 'OK' even if it's very clear that I'm not. I'm not sure what the issue is and I think it's different at different times. Part of the trouble, sometimes, is that being alexithymic as well as AS, I have extreme trouble identifying how I'm feeling and verbalising it, so I know I have a feeling but I'm absolutely unable to express what it is because I don't know what it is myself. Secondly is the issue of unexpected social contact. I need to plan this in advance. If I have a meeting pre-arranged with my supervisor I find it easier to say what's bothering me if I'm upset. Unfortunately I only have these meetings once a fortnight so I 'store up' things that are worrying me and make myself feel worse (thank God for all you wonderful 'virtual' people, that's all I can say!). I would love to be able to meet with him more often (say once a week) as he's one of the few people I find I can discuss issues with, but that then blurs the boundaries (even more than they already are) between academic and pastoral support. I think thirdly is the issue with feeling silly about having issues/worries that others don't have. I don't want to feel like a burden on people and I worry that if I say anything, I may be construed as such.

 

Ok, now I'm really annoyed. They've moved our lecture to a part of the building I don't know WTF

This is something I find really difficult. It has helped in part having the dx and and AoN report. It states in there that 'Change causes Mumble extreme anxiety and all changes such as room changes which may seem insignificant MUST be notified in advance'. I don't have a huge number of lectures, but having this in writing has really helped. I get emails reminding me of sessions (and they've set this up for all students - a few tweaks still needed but this is being brought up by my student rep at a meeting and is fine) and if something is unexpectedly changed, a post-it note stuck on the door saying the date, course name and where is it (and building etc. if necessary). It's a really really simple change but it has made a huge difference to me. Importantly, the academics in my department have taken the line that such adjustments help ALL students, not just me, and I don't feel singled out.

 

I suspect your mentor was aware there was an issue. It might be worth you sending him an email (if you're OK in type) saying thanks for your concern, sorry I didn't engage with you but I find this really awkward because ................. The main issue that was causing my difficulty was .................... Whilst on the subject of difficulties, I don't know if you were aware but my lecture room was changed causing me anxiety. Would it be possible for you to liaise with my department and ensure I get notification in advance where possible?

[ScienceGeek]

Thanks mumble,

 

There is a lot there that you said that I can relate to. I looked online and the room number was on the timetable, I just hadn't noticed the change. We had been in the same room the rest of the year so didn't expect the change. The other stupid thing is that the numbers of the rooms aren't in order, I spent ages looking for 1K2 which turned out to be next to 1K15

 

J

[Mumble]

I looked online and the room number was on the timetable, I just hadn't noticed the change. We had been in the same room the rest of the year so didn't expect the change. The other stupid thing is that the numbers of the rooms aren't in order, I spent ages looking for 1K2 which turned out to be next to 1K15

Haha Oh yes, I think it's part of an intelligence test or something that unis employ. I have rooms going along a corridor numbered 8, 9, 10 (so far so good) 12 (hmm, who stole 11?), then ... 522!!!! You can also go from floor 2 to floor 1 without going up or down a flight of stairs!

 

I write out a schedule for the week - I have a large white-board in my bedroom I do this on - including room numbers and times. Maybe this would help you?