problems at work

[jamdaar0]

hi ime new to the forum. I have just recently in my late 20s learnt that I have aspergers and dyslexia.

 

ihave been having problems at work recently I moved to a new company and they have a huge open office layout. previously ihave worked alone or in relative seclusion. so its hard so many people ambient noise. loads of uncomfortable moments but nothing I can't handle.

 

I have a problem with a co worker. we both do the same work. and I was brought in to help with his workload few days a wek.

 

since I have been here he just ignores me. won't give me anything to do. if I approach him for help he acts like I'm dumb or as if I am annoying him.

its been so frustrating and I have thought about leaving, but for me it really is a dream job. something I would never have thought was possible.

 

It took me 3 months to pluck up the courage to approach a manager about how I felt. the aspergers came up in the meeting and I said that it has never been an issue for me at previous workplaces and downt effect my professional work.

 

iknow he (coleague) is being rude to me and ignoring me on purpose because I have two very good people who help me out and I help them out.

 

my manager has requested some info about aspergers. but all the info online points to the fact that I am rude can't communicate. say wrong things. and therefore the problem is ME.

 

but I know for a fact the guy has just been blanking me. I have spent a lot of time studying my profession and reading technicalmanuals obsessively so I think he might be jealous, or intimidated. but I am not a big ego or a showoff quite the opposite and willing to learn all ican.

 

I feel that the aspergers is guna make it worse and his bullying will be overlooked and the root of the problem made out to be my condition.

 

would appreciate any advice or guidance.

jam

[pearl]

Hi jam & welcome.

The big thing in your favour is that it is just this one person you are having problems with, so why should the problem be blamed on you? I hope you manage to find a resolution to it.

[Canopus]

There's some good info at Asperger Technical

 

http://www.aspergertechnical.org.uk

[Kinda]

Hi jamdaar0

 

These situations are always difficult as you have to use judgement based on known factors and your own hunch linking it to a requirement not to escalate the feelings of other parties.

 

Firstly I think you are internalising the problem as being you, and so you need to try and make sure that you are interpreting the information you see is correct and that he is ignoring you.

 

I think you should also disconnect it from your AS otherwise this may lead yourself to being "labelled". I would discuss how you feel with your manager or some co-worker whom you trust to see if they have the same view as you.

 

If you are correct I would then discuss it with your manager on the basis of what you have written, you could even show this email to him which explains exactly how you feel and how difficult it is for you to understand what (if anything) you have done wrong.

 

Bullying is illegal in the work place but I wouldn't pursue this route as its very adverserial and likely to formalise everthing very quickly and it will then be difficult for you to manage the situation.

 

You could go to your boss for advice and just say how you feel and that you don't understand what you may have done wrong that may have upset your work colleague.

 

Don't blame yourself when you have put all this effort in to be well thought of by your manager and you seem to be a good worker.

[jamdaar0]

thanks canopus that aspergers technical link is great. very handy indeed.

 

pearl; your right I have maede it clear to my manager giving him examples of when I have collaborated with others and even asked him to get some feedback from others I have worked with. because there is noone else I have a problem with.

 

kinda; yes I think u are right. I think I have been overthinking it. whatever it is I think the best thing is to be honest and talk about it. I still don't know why he is behaving in this way. and ur right I don't want to go down an adverserial route. I have spoken to my manager and made it clear that I want to resolve the siuationa d make it work and if it is something that I am or am not doing then I will do everything to rectify it.

 

I have immaculate references from previous employers, some of my workmates understand the situation and agree that his behaviour is wrong. but they don't understand why i'm taking it so hard or seriously. they say just keep your head down and keep working hard. eventually you will be working independantly. but at the moment I'm stuck with him and its hard for me and stressful.

 

I didn't relate this situation to aspergers but my manager suggested that it might be and requested some info. I did explain it might be why I find it hard to talk to him because of the negative responses I have received.

 

will update you on how it goes.

[Karen A]

Hi jamdaarO Welcome to the Forum.Karen.

[jamdaar0]

thanks Karen

 

the forum is very useful resource as I'm really new to all this stuff.

 

Canopus, i really like the aspergers technical site. the information i found on it was more encouraging and concentrating on the positive aspects of aspergers, which is more what i would want to show employers.

 

jam

[Bagpuss]

Hi Jam, welcome to the forum.

[jamdaar0]

ok

 

I have been thinking a lot and looking back i think i have a problem whenever i start a new job

 

the last place i worked i only lasted two months, and i freaked out and had to leave, but somehow managed to keep some part time work going there.

 

but i do remember after 1 month gettign really down about being good enough for the job, and finding it hard to speak to people, and i thought i wasnt fitting in, even to the extent i phoned my old manager (fromt he job before the last) at the museum up and asked fro my old job back.

 

I liked it at teh museum it was quite secluded. and i just got on with my work and my manager she was such an understanding and lovely person and made me feel ok in the job.

 

so the same thign is hapenign again, i do still think the other guy is blanking me, but i am still going through the same thign again of panic, of not feeling upto the job, wantign to leave, not fitting in...

 

i think its a pattern, because i still phone up my old place and ask fro my old job back

 

on the whole of it everyone thinks im a successful person, doign really well, but i know its just so hard not to run away from it. and i have to face the fact that this will probably be the way i feel when i go somewhere new.

 

any advice.......

 

on the upside i graduated from my post graduate diploma last week, despite havign no prior qualifications, and it was soemething i never thought i could ever acheive, It was a funded course for people who work in the industry, and my work got me in. I am now doing the masters course, but finding it really dificult, went to see the student enabling centre today because im finding it really hard to concentrate and do my research and lectures, because i havent been in educational situation for a long time, its a proper battle. like trying to reign in a wild dog on a leash. anyway student enablign told me to see my gp first so that i could be diagnosed with it properly or else they will not be able to help me. they did give me a dyslexic self assessment ??? form which i filled in and handed back.

 

any ideas on the gp thing because im almost 30 now they guna think im being silly.

like why now..... you survived this long

 

it's like i never knew , and to find out now after so long....... i dont knwo wether its a releif to find out or not.

 

i dont even knwo hwo to tell people, because they dont beleive me, they just treat it liek a joke.nt mind but noone takes it seriously. they all just think your doing ok. but im trying to explain why i do certain things and why i am the way i am and that it really does effect me in my day to day life

 

jam

Edited March 1, 2008 by jamdaar0

[Kinda]

Hi jamdaar0

 

I recently completed a master's course with the OU and I'm older than you! I was also very ill half way through the course and had to shelve it for a year or so.

On my last module I got it all wrong, late assignment, out of synch with the course schedule which meant I had less time to revise than I thought and what really made in worse was not understanding the course with only 6 weeks to go.

 

I had never had to do it before but I went on a crammers weekend in Brighton and after that I felt at least I understood the course but still only had 6 weeks to revise and work to do as well.

 

What have I learned and what advice would I give, well first of all not to give up for me the main criteria needed for a masters course is to hang in there when times get tough and you will find you are not the only one who is struggling. People can find there is a quantum step from diploma to master's, a more analytic approach needed with but once you have raised your game to this level then you should be OK but I found it difficult at first understanding what was required.

 

Try and buddy up with others to discuss the aspects you are struggling with. Talk to the tutors and see what guidance they can give, I find I used to motive me at the very least.

 

Sorry I guess the question is more about possible AS issues interfering with your course? Well my son who has AS has just completed his master's and the help offered by the university was, written notes, write exams on a computer, more time for exams and slight relaxation on assignment dates. You must try and hang in there if you want it as hopefully it will get better for you.

 

I think you need to try and understand if its the course that is the issue in terms of understanding it or whether its the possible AS issues? If you understood the diploma course then maybe its the course and if it is then hanging in there should mean it becomes easier as you get to understand what is required. For me I would try and talk to other students to see how they see it.

[jamdaar0]

thanks kinda

 

i think mainly im having problems with doing written assignments the practicals im find i ernjoy and do really well at but struggle with understanding whats required for the written assignment.

 

i only did the masters because it deals with the practical creative work i do, and wasnt prepared for all the theory and written work involved.

 

other issues im having are related to adhd and finding it really hard to research or read journals and also sit down to write assignments, some times i sit down to write it and I end up getting up again and again to walk about every few minutes.

 

it seems it takes me so much longer then everyone else to do a simple written peice of work.

 

I spoke to my lecturer about it and he said not to worry and ask as many questions as possible, because in class I seem to be the only one in the dark.

 

anyway got my latest Assignment done on saturday, took me all day, and i just had to force myself to sit down and WORK! rushed through most of it and managed to pull it together, by telling myself get it done and tomorrow i can chill with family and play some xbox360.

 

i have spoken to student enabling and they said to go see my gp, so im seeing him this thursday once i get a proper diagnosis then i can get soem proper help from the uni.

 

as for the work issue, im not guna run away im guna stick it out a bit more and try and understand why i always feel like that and try to work with it.

 

thanks to everyone on the forum because its been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO helpful.

 

jam

[Kinda]

Hi Jam

 

The tips I can give you on assignments is to answer the question and not your version of it. I know its tempting to just write about what you know but there is strict marking crieteria and as you go higher up the acedemic ladder its becomes more demanding and precise.

 

On my business course I found it relatively simple to know what they wanted (within reason although I wasn't in the higher band of marks) which was to use the theory and relate it to practical business but I did a classics course (Athenians and Romans) and I found it very difficult to understand what was needed.

 

A good book is the Good Study Guide ISBN-13: 978-0749259747 which they do for Arts and a separate for sciences and there are web sites from universities that also help.

 

For me the way to solve it is to analyse what the question wants and see if you can answer it using the course material. Failing this then get into a study group and get ideas from the other students which will then trigger your own thinking.

 

If its a matter of not understanding the course material then other students will help with this and your tutor should be able to help you with this.

 

Don't give up, hang in there and it should all begin to make sense.

[Mumble]

Hi Jam,

 

I hope this doesn't confuse, and I don't know about all subjects within academia, but from my perspective, I would totally disagree with Kinda:

 

The tips I can give you on assignments is to answer the question and not your version of it. I know its tempting to just write about what you know but there is strict marking crieteria and as you go higher up the acedemic ladder its becomes more demanding and precise.

Higher level academia isn't about rote learning and the churning out of the 'expected' answers. In fact, one of the biggest misconceptions I've worked with (I've tutored at MA level) is that students believe there is an expected answer and one 'thing' the lecturers are looking for. Of course there will be essay guidelines, but predominantly, they are looking for evidence of critical thinking/evaluation, analytic skills and the successful holding together and conveying of your argument backed up with relevant literature/research in the area.

 

I would in fact say that as you move up through academia, there is more space for original thought (provided there is still the evidence of critical reflection).

[Kinda]

Hi Mumbles

 

I agree with most of what you say but you still have to answer the question for an assignment. As for original thought and analytical thought in an assignment it generally has to be within the confines of the course material and answering the question.

 

As far as I know you never get a question along the lines of "let us know what you know" it generally is along the lines of a question and in management terms how you then use the course principals.

 

I was never asked for "original" thought but I could be critical of the course material but if I was critical I had to give a reason for being critical and generally those that did were never successful. You had to analyse and synthasise and it was mostly how you used the course concepts and related it to the business world in a practical way and identifying the problems that may emanate from its use.

 

Original thought seemed to be discouraged, I felt this was due to the fact that as a business student you had no efficacy. In the business world you don't invent or discover but they are pure concepts.

 

You also have to be a named academic to have your original thought taken notice of. Maybe this is due the fact that its not a scientific subject and there are lots of current trends that become fashionable then move out of fashion as more trends come along. If your academic business thoughts are seen as successful its almost I believe similar to having a pop record, there is a lot of luck associated with it.

 

Business is also fashionable and companies try and follow the fashion, eg innovation, quality management, change management, cultural change and knowledge management etc. Its companies trying to seek out management techniques that will allow them to increase profits and be seen to be ahead of the game.

 

Not sure what your Phd is in Mumbles but it would seem your academic requirments are different and I'm guessing its more scientific, can be proven in scientific terms some way?

 

My course was very precise in that you were not given marks for going outside the course material ( and these were all provided by the OU), while business courses with other Universities you could do your own research and of course I guess if you do a Phd then they are looking for originality.

Edited March 4, 2008 by Kinda

[jamdaar0]

ok got an update

 

i took the advice on the forum and opted for a quiet sit down together with the manager and my coleague to work things out

 

it turns out he had issues with sharing his "industry secrets". he was just a bit insecure about me coming there and knowing too much about the technicals and didn't want to share his knowledge with me.

 

I explained about the aspergers and that I'm not too good at communicating anyway and will back off if i get a negative response, so he seemed to listen and things went pretty ok today. he was very pleasant and helpful. I also backed off a bit asking questions about his "industry secrets".

 

the company seems pretty encouraging and willing to help people who have difficulties which is nice to know.

 

just wanted to thank everyone who replied and gave some sound advice!

 

jam

[Tally]

I'm glad it went well. It sounds like you understand each other better as a result of this conversation.