Looking at the teacher when they speak

[madme]

I have just read the interesting topic about eye contact. With two Asperger children and an increasing acceptance that I am also Asperger I can see what you are all saying. I work in a profession where I have to make eyecontact to put clients at ease. I have learned over the years how to deal with this but I don't think I'm actually very good at it. My son (12) has even on occasion shouted at me mum look at me!

 

Mumble I agree with you also that sometimes I feel why should my child have to change and why can't society just accept them as they are. However I know from my own experience that thats just life and we have to get on with it.

 

My question is about "looking" in a school context. My Dd (7) aspergers has some issues about eye contact. She recently changed school. While her main teacher is willing to learn one of the TAs keeps having a go at her for not looking at her when she(the teacher) was talking in a lesson. My DD says that it stops her " taking" in what is being said. While I will have a chat with the teacher do many children do this? She also told me that the TA is "old and ugly and that distracts me"- Now what can I say?

[Mumble]

My DD says that it stops her " taking" in what is being said.

Exactly. My supervisor doesn't expect eye-contact from me and it is so much easier to have a conversation with him because of this.

[llisa32]

Hi - My son's eye contact is very sporadic and I think all of the teachers have just gotten used to it!

 

I've never had a conversation with him on why he doesn't particularly maintain eye contact - but he obs feels more comfy not doing so - particularly in a school or stranger situation.

[oxgirl]

Yes, I remember having a quiet word with Jay's first teacher who used to do a lot of nagging at him about this. She'd tap her fingers by her eyes and say, 'look at me, look at me', thinking she was helping him. She soon realized that this was actually having the opposite effect and she stopped doing it, thank goodness. It's a tricky one and I think it's something children can learn to tackle a bit better as they get older but I don't agree with forcing children to 'look at me when I'm talking to you', how can that help.

 

Not sure how you'd tackle the 'old and ugly' TA issue!! Paper bag, maybe!

 

~ Mel ~

[baddad]

I think this is a difference in expectations - the teacher finds it hard to understand that not looking doesn't mean 'not attending'... That being the case, and in that environment, the imperative really should be on the teacher to develop that understanding and support your daughter accordingly.

Outside of that (or similar) contexts, eye-contact is a hugely beneficial social skill, so any and all effort your daughter can make to circumnavigate her unease has got to be worthwhile. Others have already suggested some useful strategies - looking at chins/lips/foreheads etc, and if these things come more naturally with family or in home environments 'practise sessions' can help make timing and stuff more natural even when it's not.

 

 

Not sure how you'd tackle the 'old and ugly' TA issue!! Paper bag, maybe!

Awwwwww, one man's old ang ugly could be another's young and beautiful!

Edited February 29, 2008 by baddad

[madme]

Thanks all. Baddad you have hit it on the head perfectly. Thanks

[Kathryn]

When looking round a boys' secondary school at an open evening last year, I noticed the school rules posted on various walls. Mostly the usual reasonable stuff like respecting other people's property, being polite, etc but one rule was "make eye contact when you're speaking to someone". I agree with BD that if children can learn strategies to accommodate others' expectations regarding eye contact, that's useful. But to see it explicitly judged as "good behaviour", along with not swearing, or not stealing, is a bit worrying.

 

K x

Edited February 29, 2008 by Kathryn

[hsmum]

Hi,

 

Eye contact is an important social skill, but it is a hugely over-rated indicator of honesty. My AS son finds it difficult to maintian eye contact, but he finds it equally as hard to lie. My younger NT son can look me straight in the eye and tell me a pack of porkies.