Advice on a work colleague's behaviour

[David_S]

Hello, i was looking for some advice on a situation & hopefully this is a good place to start - as im not 100% sure it is Asperger Syndrome.

 

A new 18yr old lad started at my office last year, my section is a small office with only 3 people in my room. As he came out of his shell over the latter part of 2007 the more i began to notice some odd behaviour but i put it down at first to just an immature 18yr old as he does look young for his age.

 

I don't really know where to start so can i make a list of the things Ive observed :

 

 

* Not liking being left alone in the room

 

* Following me around the building if I've been away for more than 5mins

 

* Almost constant tapping/shaking of one leg sometimes both

 

* sudden full body movement

 

* change in voice going back to very childish tone & also childlike interests & behaviour

 

* hyperactive in movement & speech

 

* likes to be in control of a conversation, almost like hes the talker & we are the listener. I find it hard to get him talking about anything thats not related to him

 

* always putting himself down & needing encouragement to do a simple task normally with a phrase like "don't like it" "I'm scared" & this would be after being asked to refill a stapler or similar..

 

* telling me his observations on people he sees on the bus & listing his annoyances at them & why he wanted to "smack them" but really he couldn't hurt a fly

 

* an almost desperation to fit in with a latest thing but without really knowing how he should go about it

 

* if i look round at him its almost like he needs to do something to put on an act, if hes standing he will normally do a little dance

 

* noises - moooing seems to be his latest one, but usually go in phases

 

* office humor goes right over his head, irony doesn't seem to register & i don't think he can tell the difference at someone laughing with him or at him due to his almost enjoyment in making a wally of himself.

 

* Taking things literally, example: he produced a document for someone really quickly & they said "cor your getting slower" afterward he said "but i printed that really fast, how can be getting slow?"

 

* clumsiness, knocking over drinks etc. bumping into things (but that may be down to his balance problem, he tells me he doesn't have normal toes)

 

I could go on, but i think I've covered the main things here. I looked up on the web & i somehow found the Asperger wiki page. after reading it there were too many similarities to ignore but not being a doctor i though i should find out abit more.

 

He's very good at what he's doing (trainee autocad / engineer) & exceptional at maths especially - only let down would be more practical things & anything that requires common sense - that he openly says he hasn't got any.

 

This is the bit that's so frustrating as if he's kept focused he can remain calm, his voice stays at a lower pitch & there's nothing unusual. But seems to always let himself down & do something silly at the end.

 

Hopefully someone can give me some advice, as its becoming very tiring for me to deal with on a daily basis for the fact i can see there something wrong here & it seems hes never had input about it before. His family life seems quite dis functional & his mother has been ill recently & i notice the spike in him when somethings happening the evening before etc..

 

The last point, when my boss is around hes always on best behaviour & shows no sigh of anything so I'm starting to feel isolated in what i can do, i feel so sad for the guy as he's so nice in general & there's no input hes had in the past.

 

 

Thanks for your time, i really hope i can do something to help him out.

Edited March 16, 2008 by David_S

[Tally]

Hi David, and welcome to the forum.

 

It certainly sounds like he has some social difficulties, but it's not something that you can easily raise with someone. There could be many causes for his behaviour. He does sound very anxious and self-critical. I wonder if he might calm down a little if you could reassure him a bit. It does seem like he is able to control his exuberance when he is doing something he is interested in.

[David_S]

Hi Tally,

 

Yes you are right, i cant go & speculate about someone, very difficult. He's in good hands though, my other work mate & myself are prepared to help him out - he could have very easily fallen into the wrong hands as he's easily led & people can take advantage of him.

 

I watched a video on youtube called "in my mind" & when he describes about 2 personalities one normal age the other a 6 year old that really describes what i see.

 

keeping him calm when focused - yes, when he's got his brain working he can be as normal, but when he finds things easier that's when he slips back into the other world.

 

Appreciate your reply.

[llisa32]

Hi David and welcome to the forum <'>

 

I think you are in a tricky situation...yes...some of the behaviours you list can occur in an individual with Aspergers, but...what would you say is the 'problem'?

 

Do you think your colleague is unhappy with his not seeming to fit in - or does he think he does? - does he think his self esteem/general confidence is low? - or is that just your general observation?

 

Is it tiring for you because you are trying to make sure he doesn't mess the work up, or because he wants/needs your company/attention?

 

I sense your concern, and you may well be correct in your assumptions, but if the guy involved has not raised any

concerns to you then I think it would be very difficult and wrong for you to say to him 'I think you have AS'.

 

He would not suddenly become a different person to work with if he got diagnosed, he would just be more aware of the small differences between him and those without AS. The behaviours you mention would not suddenly cease.

 

If you think he is unhappy and searching for 'answers' then if you have a close enough relationship and he asks you I'd say 'Have you ever thought you might have AS', and if he's never heard of it help him find some relevant material.

 

But...if it's a case of him happily being as he is, then I think you need to perhaps read some more material on how you can best help him in your role as a colleague - just having you accept him as he is would make a huge difference. I think he must feel comfortable in your company if the change in behaviour is as defined as you mention when 'the boss' is around.

 

I think the best thing you can do to help is read more material yourself and accept him as he is - he may be all too well aware that sometimes his behaviour might come across as 'silly' or immature, and I think you need to be really careful in how you approach your concern - if you genuinely want to help then I think it's great you have come in search of more info, but if you want to help because you are finding it tiring to work with him, and believe a 'diagnosis' would suddenly change his behaviour then you will be disapointed.

 

There is plenty of info to be found on this forum for your own insight, in particular you might want to read some more in the beyond adolescence section so you can find out more about the difficulties adults with AS sometimes have in the workplace.

[David_S]

Hi Lisa,

 

well i think the problem is the way my company is run, none of my bosses know whats going on & they wouldn't win any awards for people skills in the work place! That leaves me in a difficult position as i spend lots of time with him a day & still need to get my work done & meet deadlines. hope you can understand, last thing i want to do is get him into trouble but i need an awareness from above or i could start getting into trouble myself.

 

I think he has an idea that hes different, he has mentioned before that his mum had called him a "special boy" & hes hinted to me that he knows but doesn't know why, if that makes sense. maybe i should have pressed him more on it at the time but its abit of an awkward subject. Should i ask him ?

 

I have no concern about him messing up the work, because hes excellent at it! i haven't had any experience with a situation like this before so initially just found it very strange, now Ive read up a little bit i can approach it with understanding.

 

I would like to think hes happy as he is, but there's some other issues that must get him down. His dad left when he was young & he occasionally talks to him on email or the phone but he says he mainly talks to his brother - he hints about his anger there. Also his mums been diagnosed partially blind & had her drivers licence taken away aswell as being put on 6months unpaid leave from work. on top of that they have a lodger that seems to cost more to keep than what he pays. hell of a lot for him to deal with on top.

 

Thanks for your reply Lisa, rest assured hes in good hands & i will do my best for him

[rach04]

I think the best thing you can do to help is read more material yourself and accept him as he is - he may be all too well aware that sometimes his behaviour might come across as 'silly' or immature, and I think you need to be really careful in how you approach your concern - if you genuinely want to help then I think it's great you have come in search of more info, but if you want to help because you are finding it tiring to work with him, and believe a 'diagnosis' would suddenly change his behaviour then you will be disapointed.

 

 

well said llisa.

 

My cousin has just turned 18 and he has adhd and suspected asd. He now does holiday work as he is at college, he works along side his brother and hes will not tell anyone at work he has "problems" (he will discuss with us though)Hes not embarrassed about it He just sees it as as long as he can do his job nobody should know about it. They do say "why do you do that?" and he says dont know its just me.

Nobody is "normal" or "perfect"(although my hubby thinks he is ) and if you look deeply in to as/asd we all show some sort of trait.

My best advice is look into ways to help the separation issue and ignore the rest

Edited March 16, 2008 by rach04

[David_S]

Hi, a little update :

 

As ive been reading up & watching a few documentaries im starting to understand it a little bit more & can relate to situations much better now. We've still had some rather hyper afternoons in the last 2 weeks but ive found if i show less interest then it dies down quicker than before if i made more of a fuss about things.

 

Apart from the long story telling its the split personality between "adult" & "child" thats the main thing we have nowdays. Is there any advice someone can give on how to keep him more in "adult" mode as the "child" in him rushes to the surface at any given opportunity.

 

[kirstie]

Hi David,

Perhaps the child in him surfaces when he feels a little anxious? It could be a safety blanket to him? I know when my son with AS was anxious he would start to babble. I had no idea what he was saying but it was a retreat for him that was a comfort, so i let it be!

I really admire you for trying to do the best by him, not many would and i think it gives great hope for those of us who will be facing their Son/daughter going into a workplace (iv got a while yet!).

Just remember he is who he is and there is nothing wrong with being a bit different.

Good on you though- your company could learn a thing or two from you about people skills!

[hev]

yes i would hope that when my steven gets a job he would work with someone like you

[pearl]

Yes, I'd been thinking that too. My son IS working with someone like you

Gives us all hope there are people wanting to understand & help.

[David_S]

So our guy has handed in his notice .......

 

It will be a sad day to see him go, but looks like he's been bunking off uni & he's dug himself into a massive hole. Im guessing in his mind he had 2 options, leave as quick as possible or wait & get the sack.

 

He has another job, but he's gone for a promising career in engineering to packing boxes in a car spares warehouse

 

Not good news to end my thread but i tried my best with him & hopefully he took on board some things i taught him over the last 8 months. Must say since he's handed in his notice his stress / child like behaviour has dropped loads & must be a weight off his mind, but from my point of view i wonder what the future hold for him..

[Tally]

Maybe it was just too much stress for him - which might be why he was neglecting his studies. At least he has another job. It could be a lot worse. Maybe once he has finished university, he will be able to look again at a career.

 

It does sound like you did the best you could based on very little information.