How can I start over again

[suzy27]

I was seeing a guy for the past few months, sometimes it would good but other times it left me feeling really bad about things - We had a chat over the phone on Friday and basically I found some of his comments a little difficult to deal with - We decided that maybe since I am awaiting my first assessment for AS on 8th April we would just txt till I was feeling better about myself. At the moment I feel as though I have taken 20 steps back from where I was before I met him and to have to try and deal with the problems and issues in our relationship just proved all to much for me.

 

He is a nice guy but underneath he is insecure as well, and I found it too much when he used to bring up his ex girlfriend a lot and to have to listen to all the negative things about her just made me feel uneasy - I tried saying that she was in the past but it didnt register with him at all, so when I asked if he still had feelings for her he said no, but he didnt think he would be able to not ever talk about her again - I am being selfish, surely if you want to start a relationship with someone you should leave that in the past??????

 

I have just asked him to send me a dvd a lent him back via post, I dont have the energy to speak to him at the moment.

 

Any advice would be welcome

[jb1964]

Hi Suzy,

 

So sorry to hear you're having a bad time of it all.

 

Obviously it's not selfish to expect someone to think of your feelings when talking about past relationships - however, my ASD daughter struggles with putting things in the past and if things worry her or she can't get something out of her mind she needs to go over and over it no matter what - I know a few insecure people myself and they are pretty similar in this respect. You mention that this guy was insecure and probably that's the reason why he feels he needs to go over things - although going over them with you isn't the ideal solution - does he have others around him that he could talk to? - I think until he resolves his problems you're not really going to get anywhere - and also the same for you in respect to this guy - you need to talk about your feelings and get things out of your system too.

 

Hope things get better for you soon,

Take care,

Jb

[hev]

suzy i find partners talking about there exes a big no to be honest!!he should talk to someone else about her not you

[suzy27]

Thanks for the advice.

 

I mean right at the beginning we had a discussion about exes - He basically told me that he was with his ex 5 years and at the end of it she was not very pleasent and put him down - I always told him that I fancied him and the things she had said about him were nonsence. When I told him of my brief relationship he took offense to the fact that i had even had one and demanded to know his name, age, where he lived and how tall he was, I just found that to much but we worked through that.

 

I have basically told him that I want to finish it, but I have no hard feelings against him, he needs support for his problems too but he wont go to anyone, doesnt feel that he has any.

 

If there had been away to get through this I would take it but I feel we are just going to let each other down and we need to move on.

[rachelsumner]

Hi

 

After having an ex husband whom was very possesive this sounds very familiar.. They want you to feel sorry for them and in the end you will become their skivee, please believe me when I say end this now other wise you will always be apologising for your actions. In the end when I did get some confidence back and tried to stop him being selfish he then went on to being violent. Sorry to be so straight forward.

 

R

 

xx

[bid]

Suzy, it sounds as though you have done the right thing...you need someone who can let go of the past and who makes you feel good about yourself <'>

 

Bid

[suzy27]

It is difficult, but I feel I have done the right thing for both of us and I hope he will move on and get over it but after hearing about his ex, I will be slated with the next girl he meets and the pattern will be repeated on his part.

 

I feel relieved because for the past few days I have been walking around, not sleeping and just not being able to deal with anything.

 

I have to much on my plate to deal with at the moment - I have to try and heal myself before I face the AS Assessment on the 8th April, I just know that the way I am feeling just now that I will not be able to cope and clam up and not be able to communicate with them.

 

RachelSumner - It sounds like a horrible experience and one I can identify with I had a father like that and I have no wish to have someone who is like that in my life - The guy I was seeing is a very jealous person but he knows about my AS from the beginning and knew I needed my own space.