Not quite sure

[GreatZapper]

Hi all

 

I posted a while ago about my suspicions that our daughter - now 4 - may well have an ASD. In fact, we've got an initial appointment with the community paediatrician next week, and we're taking a list of all our concerns; we've been making the list for a while now.

 

I popped on here this afternoon just to read around, just to see if some of the awful behaviour MrsZ and I have been witnessing over the last week might be typical of something, so I clicked on some random threads just to see. And what I saw... escaping from a car booster seat, impulsive behaviour, violence towards us, violence towards herself, and a brand new word to me, "meltdown", which describes exactly how LittleZ has been when she hasn't got her way. She gets totally hysterical, hits us and scratches herself, throws things around, kicks, rolls around on the floor... Punishment (a naughty step, or, if she refuses - which she often does - isolation in a bedroom) doesn't work and the only thing that calms her is me picking her up, ignoring the temper, and just walking her round the house cuddling her and reassuring her. She's just so wilful that the slightest thing will kick her off; last Thursday's, for example, was over the fact she didn't get to say goodbye a third time to her nursery's receptionist. MrsZ often thinks she's responsible for LittleZ's behaviour, which I've tried to emphasise it's not, it's just how LittleZ is.

 

Does anyone else have any techniques or good ideas to deal with the meltdowns?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to whoever runs this place for providing the opportunity to see that MrsZ and I aren't alone on this.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

You're definitely not alone!!!

 

My son is almost 6.5 and has Aspergers (AS). Although things are difficult, I have to say he has made great progress in certain areas. I recall only too well how difficult things were up until fairly recently.

 

This is going to sound quite negative, but I'm afraid that whilst visual timetables/illustrations/pictures helped alleviate some anxieties when going out or helped reinforce what was expected of R at home eg washing, cleaning teeth, etc I felt I had no other management strategies.

 

Time Out categorically did not work - I guess time out is about expecting your child to control their emotions and I felt after trying it that it was clear R simply couldn't manage this on his own. In honesty, one of the best strategies (because it kept me sane!) was to ignore the behaviour ie completely withdraw eye contact (even if he'd be right in my face or stand in front of the tv!) and actually tell him eg that "I won't speak to you until you stop shouting at me".

 

Diverting attention can help as well.

 

Visual timetables and conjunction with reward charts can work as long as you don't actually take anything away and the target concentrates on one thing at a time. For instance, you may want to target hitting and kicking. You might want to produce a chart which splits day into three eg morning, day, night whereby your child can earn three tokens a day. If they earn say 15 tokens per week they get to choose a toy or treat eg visit to park, if not they'll have to wait. That way you're allowing for them not managing/whilst the ideal situation is that they succeed, you're not setting an impossible challenge if they don't do so well at some point during the day. They can still gain their reward but it may take them longer to gain their treat. This can be tricky. I have to confess, I had limited success with this - I suspect my child was too young at the time.

 

In addition, I never use the word "no" (seems to be like a 'red rage to a bull') - if R asks for a chocolate biscuit for supper, I tell him that he must eat his toast first - you can bet by the time he's had his toaste he's either forgotten or is full up!

 

R used to roll around the floor screaming for almost 1.5 hours before tiring himself out. The only positive thing that I can say to you other than be strong, firm but fair, keep instructions/verbal communication as short as you can (kids on the spectrum apparently process visual information much better than verbal information) and remember that with age and maturity that your child will learn a great deal.

 

Keep your chin up - things iwll get better!

 

Caroline.

[jo4themo]

Hi there

You are not alone - N wasn't dx with Aspergers until she was 6 and her worst behaviour at home was when she was between 4 and 5 (she would throw things at me, hit me, scratch me, spit etc. This died down at home when she started school (mainstream) but whereas she had been OK at playgroup, her behaviour deteriorated once at school - in the three years she was there she spat, threw lots of things, scratched her LSA several times etc. She has now been at a special school for nearly 18 months and is more settled, although since Christmas we have had a few incidents with her.

We have also tried Time Out (which works with her younger, NT, sister) but that didn't work. We did had Reward Charts a few ttimes - no effect the first time, but more success since. Her school has a quiet room where the children can go for some peace if they are getting stressed and N will take herself off to her bedroom if things are fetting too much here now - maybe this is possible for your son? N shares with her sister so if her sister is already in her room , or bothering N then I let N go in mine and my hubbys room for peace and quiet.

Emma

[jb1964]

Does anyone else have any techniques or good ideas to deal with the meltdowns?

 

Hi,

 

Only thing I can remember helping when my daughter was young was sitting on the floor with her back against my front with my arms and legs wrapped tightly around her and rocking back and forth - this was suggested by the pysch. at the time helping with her anxieties which kept escalating into these 'meltdowns'. I think she was about 6 or 7 - obviously you can only get away with this up to a certain age - my daughter was extremely little for her age so we managed this til she was around 8 or 9 and it did help enormously. I also used to sing a particular lullaby she liked at the time which soothed her also.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited April 3, 2008 by jb1964

[jamdaar0]

oh my god

 

that sounds like my son too....

he does exactly the same sort of thing, getting violent and screaming out in a controlled way

randomly and he just wants to have a hug .

 

hes only 3 , what do you do, hes starting nursery in a week

[Shnoing]

If your child is indeed on the spectrum and you know his/her area of special interest, you could try

Diverting attention

by introducing some interesting topic.

 

E. g. when our son (4) refuses to be dressed and is about to start to get violent, I start to count backwards from 28 (that's one of his fav numbers) and put his clothes on as I count. I deliberately count so slow that he can say the next number if he wants to. By that, he concentrates on the numbers and sort of forgets what he absolutely refused to do earlier on.

[jamdaar0]

If your child is indeed on the spectrum and you know his/her area of special interest, you could try by introducing some interesting topic.

 

E. g. when our son (4) refuses to be dressed and is about to start to get violent, I start to count backwards from 28 (that's one of his fav numbers) and put his clothes on as I count. I deliberately count so slow that he can say the next number if he wants to. By that, he concentrates on the numbers and sort of forgets what he absolutely refused to do earlier on.

 

i tend to use the diversion tactic a lot, if i can see him drifting off or getting a bit annoyed or violent i mention his favourite animals, or try to talk abotu soemthign hes interested in.

[purplehaze]

hello, ROUTINE & CONSISTENCY & IGNORING the behaviour you do not want.

I have a 14yr old son with ASD and when he is having a meltdown all I can do is get through it and wait for it to be over. If I talk to him during the meltdown or try to touch him it makes it 100 times worse!

 

After the meltdown he is very calm and I can use this time to talk about what happened and what strategies he can use next time. But however when next time comes he isn't able to think about anything we may have talked about and that is the problem really because he cannot think during a meltdown.

 

The best ideas and techniques are to AVOID the meltdowns. You need to know what sets them off. My son hates certain voices and tones of voices which can begin to set him off. The word NO is a red flag deffinately and it's a word children need to learn but you need to use it carefully and sensitively. Words such as first & then and simple words are very useful e.g first say goodbye then we go home. Visual boards/timetables etc will really benefit most children whether they have ASD or not.

 

It can be very hard but things can also get better my sons behaviour although he still gets agressive, throws things at me, hurts himself etc it has changed over time he understands more now and so do I. He physically just cannot control his emotions during meltdowns and after he is sorry. Social stories have also been very helpful you could try to write a story about saying goodbye etc I use powerpoint now my son is older and e-mail them to him (this has been very useful because he doesn't have to worry about facial expressions, eyecontact etc so he can concentrate on the social story/e-mail etc. I use photos of him and write stories about different things.

 

Does the nursery use visual clues and schedules, if it's a real problem saying goodbye if she could take of a velcro picture card to follow the routine or saying goodbye etc may help. Your daughter if ASD may not know she is going to come back to nursery if she leaves after saying goodbye, she may be worried about the unknown-what is going to happen when she leaves. It is usually the unknown with my son that brings his anxiety levels up.

 

Hope I have helped keep posting for support X