got to talk to someone then i hope to feel better

[julie1]

hi just thought i would talk to others who may understand what i need to say. my dd3 turned 3 on friday which was a very special day for us all,she was very happy to see the banners on the wall she thought it was christmas, she asked for the tree. she enjoyed the day we kept it quite low key as we no that she does not like to much change. It was oer the weekend i got upset, maybe i am just being silly but its how i feel. other peoples toddlers seem to be so far ahead of mine. they like company of other children will hold the hands of there older siblins.they enjoy treats and eatting out. one child i no even swims now. we have been taking our dd from birth, she will sometimes get in the pool and cling on for life, or she will sit on the side and cry. we have tryed to get her out of nappies but she will not use the potty or the toilet, the problem with that is she holds her wee for so long now that she floods the nappie and floor when she goes and everyone looks at her, i hate that. what makes it worse is that i have 2 older children with asd and i no how hard her future looks. people say to me that i should be use to the problems i have, i am thats what makes it harder to stomach i no her future will be a struggle.I am trying to pick myself up and get on with life but i feel so guilty when i look at my daughter. she may not have an asd we dont no for sure yet but she does seem to have the signs, our h/v thinks she does hae asd we hae to just wait and see.

[Clare63]

As you say "my beautiful daughter" just keep a hold of that thought. Whilst we are look for differences and comparsions it can blinker the reality that we are all different and that's the beauty of life. You daughter is still very very young and there is plently of time for her to progress at her own speed. I do understand its hard and how mile stones, like birthdays are particularly most reflective. Like you I feel this way too, but hope like me this is just usually a blip and that tomorrow is another day.

Don't be hard on yourself ~ <'> <'> <'>

Clare x x x

[pearl]

Nothing to add to Clare's lovely post, just a <'> for you.

[aro]

((((Julie)))))

 

Can totally understand as I've been a bit down like this lately too. My daughter (5 1/2 yrs) has cerebral palsy and ASD so isn't independently mobile. As the weather warms up kids are coming out to play and I think, as she gets older this is getting harder to see. A little group of 4 kids walked past the house the other day, ranging from about 6 to 9 yrs old, looking very "Enid Blyton" IYKWIM, I looked down to see lil bat sprawled on the carpet making weird noises, it just really struck me how different she is

 

But, I try and shake it off and enjoy the things she does do, like really good cuddles

 

Have another ((((hug)))) and hope today seems a bit brighter

 

A x

[Suze]

I think feeling that way is completely natural,I went through a spell of sort of mourning (is that the right word????) my son and the expectations I had for him.But years down the line I,ve adjusted my way of thinking.My son has taught me a huge amount and made me a better person ....I hope.For instance I,m more tolerant of others, I don,t jump to conclusions(you know the scenario when you see someone struggling with a young child perhaps), I,m more empathetic , and I really love to see those in our society who are obviously different and have stepped out of the parameters of what is "normal" and are themselves..............................................and its probably a very simplistic way of looking at (I,m a simple person)..........big hugs suzex

[mossgrove]

Julie

 

There are many, many people here who know what you are feeling right now.

 

One thing that can help is what Jacqui Jackson called the theory of 'Bite Sized Chunks'.

 

If you spend lots of time dwelling on how life is going to be when they grow up, or will there aver be granchildren, or willl they get a job? you can end up being overwhelmed to the point where day-to-day activity becomed difficult or impossible.

 

Sometimes you have to just deal with what you can deal withe here and now and try to put the rest out of your mind. I do know it is easier said than done, but it can make a real difference.

 

 

Simon

[mrsmuffins]

I just wanted to send you some hugs and say I thought that way for a long time too - I spent ages comparing my son to other children and worrying about how different he was and how he was progressing so differently...but then when I realised he did have ASD I started to look at things in a completely different way and it just opened up things so much for us.

 

I don't look at his future as being a struggle now, I just look at it that things won't be the same as for other families maybe, but so what? I don't care if people look at me while I'm doing a silly jig to keep my son entertained, I don't care if he shouts out in the middle of Tesco, lol, he is his own, unique person and I have learnt to really value him for what he is and not my image of what I thought he would be, iykwim? I will fight for him tooth and nail and defend him to the hilt - if he isn't quiet at school, what does that really matter in the long run? He will get a job where he can be creative and vocal and be involved with the things he loves. So what if his writing isn't perfect? I can understand it and he tries his very best, that matters more than anything to me and makes me so proud.

 

I'm just trying to say you have to really look at things in a different light and you will start to feel better - believe me I've cried and been sooooo upset in the past but I realised it wasn't doing myself or him any good and I'm his Mum, I need to be there for him and love him unconditionally and be proud of every little step he makes We are all going to have our down days for sure but try and turn those negatives in positives or 'so what's' as my Mum would say.

 

Again, BIG HUGS for you and apologies for my ramblings, hope they were some form of help!

 

x

[julie1]

thank you very much for the support from everyone. I no that i should not dwel to much on the negatives after all our children have so many positives. it was a bad weekend for me and i just needed to chat. i feel much better now. all i have to do is look at her smile and that would melt anyones heart. anyway thanks again xxx

[Clare63]

thank you very much for the support from everyone. I no that i should not dwel to much on the negatives after all our children have so many positives. it was a bad weekend for me and i just needed to chat. i feel much better now. all i have to do is look at her smile and that would melt anyones heart. anyway thanks again xxx

 

 

Awwww Julie, so glad to hear you are feeling better today, we all have those blips from time to time and is 'nt great we have somewhere to air our feelings (on this forum) and to share them with people who understand and don't judge.

 

Don't you just love their smiles

 

Clare x x x

[Tally]

Julie, that's exactly what the forum is for! If it was all positive, there would be no need for a forum like this.

[Bagpuss]

thank you very much for the support from everyone. I no that i should not dwel to much on the negatives after all our children have so many positives. it was a bad weekend for me and i just needed to chat. i feel much better now. all i have to do is look at her smile and that would melt anyones heart. anyway thanks again xxx

 

 

Julie <'>

 

It can be so difficult not to compare your child to children of a similar age. Your only human. I have two DD's on the spectrum, and my youngest one also has MD. It's the most simplest of things which will cause me sadness, and it creeps up on you when you least expect it. I think what you are feeling is completely natural, and I know if I dwell on the future it is so overwhelming I struggle.....far, far easier to just deal with the present. Take care x

[sesley]

hi just thought i would talk to others who may understand what i need to say. my dd3 turned 3 on friday which was a very special day for us all,she was very happy to see the banners on the wall she thought it was christmas, she asked for the tree. she enjoyed the day we kept it quite low key as we no that she does not like to much change. It was oer the weekend i got upset, maybe i am just being silly but its how i feel. other peoples toddlers seem to be so far ahead of mine. they like company of other children will hold the hands of there older siblins.they enjoy treats and eatting out. one child i no even swims now. we have been taking our dd from birth, she will sometimes get in the pool and cling on for life, or she will sit on the side and cry. we have tryed to get her out of nappies but she will not use the potty or the toilet, the problem with that is she holds her wee for so long now that she floods the nappie and floor when she goes and everyone looks at her, i hate that. what makes it worse is that i have 2 older children with asd and i no how hard her future looks. people say to me that i should be use to the problems i have, i am thats what makes it harder to stomach i no her future will be a struggle.I am trying to pick myself up and get on with life but i feel so guilty when i look at my daughter. she may not have an asd we dont no for sure yet but she does seem to have the signs, our h/v thinks she does hae asd we hae to just wait and see.

 

 

although you have 2 others with asd it doesn't make your challenges any easier, because each of your children will have different needs and abilites,just like in any other so called neurotypical family and so you will have to try to take each challenge as it comes and i know its hard when you see others developing as neurotypical people,but you chidlren are as special to you as any other child and you will come in time to be proud of them for who they are and what they are. the nappy thing will take time and patience, my 8 year old does number 2's in his pants he'd rather being doing something else and he says sorry i won't do it again but,he geuninely is until the next time,so now you will need to see your child physicologist for a diagnosis and statement ,in the meantime try to stay calm and patient as best you can,under the circumstances , your daughter will develope at her own pace, try not to compare her with others too, when she feels confident she will learn to swim,and do other things in her sweet time.

[julie1]

thank you much, you are all very kind. i am trying not to compare my children with others and usually i dont. for me birthdays are wonderful time , however its always around that time i find myself looking at other peoples children. but thats over now and ive moved on.my daughter has her 3 year check in 2 weeks time we have worked really hard to improve on what she failed at her 2 year check. but i will try not to get upset on what she does not pass this time. i also think that our h/v could try and be a bit more tactful,last year she said to me a spades a spade your daughter is autistic. yet she has not spoken to me again untill now to request an updated development check. And i say what will be will be i love all my children warts and all. anyway thats enough of me babb ling on thanks again for the lovely replies. xxx

[kirstie]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Hun, i am where you are right now. I also have 2 other boys on the spectrum and my daughter is under assesment- in fact today she had neuro developmenatl assesment. Very delayed and indifferent (more so than her brothers) hardly ever smiles, no affection, no waving, no pointing i'm sure you get the idea. She is to get physio to help her sit up and weight bear, speech therapy to help with lumps and babbling, hip xrays (creases don't line up) and hearing test. But in my heart i know she has Autism. I am devestated. I understand your fears for your daughter because mine are the same. The clincher came today when paed said she was going to talk to Prof who dx both my boys. I feel like my world has imploded and honestly i want to get up off this chair and run- not away from her but just out of fear. It's like a never ending nightmare.

So you are not alone, but you know what, we will dust ourselves off, cry a bit, get on with it and cry a big bit more but in time things will feel a bit better and that is what i'm clinging to. <'>