morgan and alexandra Report post Posted May 9, 2008 Hope you dont't mind if I just have a moan. I've got so many thoughts and feelings at the mo, been crying and am generally just banging my head against a brick wall again. My DH just doesnt get ASD. He is just the same as my DD who is currently being assessed by CAMHs. Today I had meeting with DDs teacher as we have CAMHs appt next week and thought it would be good to have a catch up and find out how things have been going for the school. This week an ASD advisory teacher went into school to do obs on DD. She said that she noticed DD was like a similar child who was manipulative. I can only say I agree as when this lady was there, DD noticed and was on best behaviour only to return to type after the lady had finished obs. I really felt for DDs usual teacher as she seems to be having similar problems than me. Her teacher has been a real support and DD is taking up a huge amount of her time. I was saying that I understand that it could be problematic as she cant always be seen to give too much attention just to one child. She has a large class and quite a few children with different SEN. Bless her, she said that DDs needs complex and that we all need to take that into account. I felt that our meeting went really well and had come up with a few strategies to help DD. Then when discussing the meeting with my DH he said DD just has to get on with it and SHE WILL DO AS SHE'S TOLD... Please dont get me wrong, I'm firm but fair with my children but he just cant accept that there are just some things DD doesnt get. He will NOT make allowances for that as no one made allowances for him when he was a child. Im sorry for rambling on but im furious. Its not right, its always me that puts the effort in, its me thats done all the studying to help DD and my DH and its always me who seems to be caring. I'm soooo tired. Sorry just had to get it out of my system. Helen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted May 9, 2008 ... My DH just doesnt get ASD. He is just the same as my DD who is currently being assessed by CAMHs. On the one hand, he might just need a 'good read' about ASD, maybe a book, maybe just a bulleted list ... Please dont get me wrong, I'm firm but fair with my children but he just cant accept that there are just some things DD doesnt get. He will NOT make allowances for that as no one made allowances for him when he was a child.On the other hand, maybe he has got some experiences (his own) and therefore a feeling about what will work and what not. I don't know whether that will work in your case, but sometimes the approach of an AS parent (if applicable) to the problem of an AS child is something like working intuitively ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morgan and alexandra Report post Posted May 9, 2008 I have so much material here but recently got Tony Attwoods book as I think its easy to digest. He comes with me to appointments but thats as far as it goes. He rarely has any input and leaves it all to me. I just feel very alone in all this as discussion is really a non starter as he got through ok as he put it. I know my daughter will be ok but I want her to have as much help as possible and he doesnt get it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harmony Report post Posted May 9, 2008 I have so much material here but recently got Tony Attwoods book as I think its easy to digest. He comes with me to appointments but thats as far as it goes. He rarely has any input and leaves it all to me. I just feel very alone in all this as discussion is really a non starter as he got through ok as he put it. I know my daughter will be ok but I want her to have as much help as possible and he doesnt get it. Sometimes people don't get it. My DH makes very few alowances for my DD. I think deep down he finds it hard to accept his princess is not quite what he had hoped. I also think there are some similarities between them. DH never had any help at school, I think he wishes he had, I sometimes think he gets jelous about all the time and precious finances I give DD. If you need to rant, it is good to do it here, we all understand where you are coming from. Harmony Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
clair Report post Posted May 10, 2008 Snap !! I have exactly the same problem with husband. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted May 10, 2008 It's very hard when the person who should be the one you lean on most and share things with turns out to be one of the problems. Don't despair, and don't give up. They need educating and it's more difficult if they think they know what's right and don't want to listen. Being pig-headed is quite common in many partners. It's going to take time, and you might have to be selective to begin with as to whether you share every minute detail of what's going on with them. Yes, I know that they should be willing and able to listen, but if they aren't because they are worried, disappointed, think that AS is a load of c*bbl*rs or not, don't think that there's a problem because they were like that as children, then you nee to turn them around slowly. Like oil tankers. They can change direction, but it takes longer than a ferry! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morgan and alexandra Report post Posted May 10, 2008 Thanks for your replies. Im feeling much better today. DH is a very sweet man who would most of the time do anything for his children but as he is soooo like our youngest it can cause major friction when she does something that doesnt fit in with his agenda, if u get what I mean. When I first realised there was a problem with DD it took a good 18mths to get him to acknowledge that there were difficulties. He tried to gloss over it but I think it has come as a real shock to him that they are so alike and questionning himself. He then goes on the attack to defend himself. Please dont get me wrong, he's not an ogre and I love him dearly but yesterday I could have throttled him...lol I'm very patient with them all usually but as CAMHs appt is fast approaching I find myself getting very sensitive and feel the need to defend our little girl who needs our love and support, especially as we fast approaching dx so fingers crossed for Friday please and thanks again. Helen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted May 10, 2008 Oh, I know what you mean! Coming up for 22 years married, 25 in the relationship. I've often thought of murder but never divorce. <'> and good luck with CAMHS. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
av16 Report post Posted May 13, 2008 Hi- I was thinking the same sort of thing this weekend; had prepared DS for a change in routine the night before when DH was out, on his return explained to him what I'd said; he didn't say much. Next morning DH decided that we'd do what we'd normally do; DS went mad, ran into the garden, swearing, throwing stones etc. (8am ) and DH couldn't understand why. I had to calm DS down, I was really mad with DH but as I keep telling him, he's got a few AS traits himself. As you say - married for 24 years - he's a lovely, caring man but ooh sometimes AV p.s. Hope things go ok for you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted May 13, 2008 Big hugs to you <'> <'> I hope you feel better now. My hubby is generally very good, but occassionally he *forgets* but so do I so I can't talk, but do know where you are coming from for sure. It's more to do with the school stuff with him. He fails to see why I make such a fuss sometimes! He can be old fashioned and thinks all children should be seen and not heard! <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
