Meltdown

[Enid]

Hi all, well DS had a massive meltdown, its been coming all week but have been warding it off with calm and cool behaviour, but lost it tonight, big time He had played cards with me and done the usual bedtime routine, there was 5 mins left to bed, 5 MINS, and I blew it!!!!! he was picking his toenails and it really annoys me, I asked him to stop and he said no and you cant make me and you cant make me do anything, he was half joking/half meaning it, I stomped upstairs like a teenager! I know I know, but god its soo hard being endlessly patient but boy did I pay, he started throwing things and kicking/slamming doors, littlies woke up screaming, luckily all doors were locked or he would have run out as usual, he turned tv up full-blast and flicked lights on/off whilst making his new noise, PEACOCK I said go to bed, he sat on the floor and said make me, instead of ignoring it, which works, I started struggling with him, I am 5ft 4 ins, 8 1/2 stone, he is slightly smaller but very big, I got him out of lounge in sheer temper and held the door, he broke bannister in his temper and crashed his scooter endlessly against the door, I suddenly thought why the hell am I doing this and went into the kitchen and started clearing up, he followed me shouting and swearing and punching me, after 15 mins he was calm, and 15 mins later in bed! now I know I did it wrong, I am covered in bruises, big already, will be worse tomorrow, but he is endlessly rude to me all the time, and controls everything in the house, the only way to stop him is to ignore it all, dont know where this post is going really but am so fed up, he could have really hurt me tonight and dont know where its all going to end. I`ll stop now Enid

[warrenpenalver]

<'> >< <'> >< <'> >< <'> >< <'> >< <'>

[bikergal]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Hope tomorrow's not as bad as you're expecting. We all do it wrong sometimes, don't be too hard on yourself. <'>

[Sooze2]

Enid said - "I know I know, but god its soo hard being endlessly patient"

 

Youre only human, youre allowed to react every now and again. I hope things are better tomorrow and don't beat yourself up about something that you can't always avoid or control.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

Edited June 16, 2008 by Sooze2

[JsMum]

Hi Enid,

 

he had you from the beginning, got your attention by his very annoying toe picking, you nearly did the right thing, in leaving the situation, letting him do that on his own, then he challenged you, ' you cant make me' bold and with intent to wind up the situation, all it needed was a spark, that for many is the ping when the P leaves the word Patience, he got to you and he knew it, but he couldnt deal with it, raised his anxieties to a higher level, the turning the lights on and off was his way of trying to gain some control, and been in charge.

 

its not very nice to have come off the worse, but look at it as in some small way, its progress as in the fact he is in bed and settled,

 

this could of been a five hour stint,

 

I have a list on my wall of things I can do in situations that wind me up, or if I feel tense,

 

ive stomped off, its called been human, having feelings of our own, from situations that I knew I hadnt dealt with it properly I made mental notes, and told myself what could I do next time, what would I need to support me in this if this happens again,

 

for me its usually a retreat, a safe place to sit and count to blummin ten, or cry a few frustrated tears,

 

how we respond with our own frustration is vital if we want our children to learn to deal with theres positively,

 

tonight went wrong, but there has been far more nights that have gone right, a few stratagies on dealing with Your own frustration will help in dealing with the next toe picking habbit.

 

Hope it remains calm tonight, you know were we are if you need anyone.

 

JsMum

[Enid]

Thanks all and J`s Mum you really talk sense! I know how to do it, just fell off the wagon tonight, bigtime but its the endless winding up that is soo hard to take, and the littlies taking back seat all the time, my biggest worry now is the bruises! its sports day for school tomorrow, I will have to pretend to be cold and wear lots of clothes as I am really very badly marked, oh well, thanks all, thank god for this forum, it keeps me sane it really does. <'> <'> Enid

[JsMum]

Thanks all and J`s Mum you really talk sense! I know how to do it, just fell off the wagon tonight, bigtime but its the endless winding up that is soo hard to take, and the littlies taking back seat all the time, my biggest worry now is the bruises! its sports day for school tomorrow, I will have to pretend to be cold and wear lots of clothes as I am really very badly marked, oh well, thanks all, thank god for this forum, it keeps me sane it really does. <'> <'> Enid

 

 

 

Until the situations are less frequent and to help with the brusing, use ice packs to bring them out, then buy some Arnica Cream, it brings them to the top quicker and helps repair the skin.

 

I know its not easy, and you did well too.

 

JsMum

[Enid]

Thanks. <'> <'> Enid

[JsMum]

A pleasure, is he in bed now and I bet asleep he looks like an angel.

 

JsMum

[Enid]

he is and he does, Enid

[JsMum]

! I dont know ! they know how to make us all goowie, just enjoy watching him while hes still and calm, its impossible to imagine the wildness inside them when there like this, thats probably why god made them so adorable, to weeken us, so we can forgive them, and start again the next day.

 

Well im well late myself tonight, so Im off to iron out some of my wrinklies, sleep tight enid, see ya 2mora.

 

 

Sweet dreams to U All.

 

JsMum

Edited June 16, 2008 by JsMum

[Sooze2]

! I dont know ! they know how to make us all goowie, just enjoy watching him while hes still and calm, its impossible to imagine the wildness inside them when there like this, thats probably why god made them so adorable, to weeken us, so we can forgive them, and start again the next day.

 

Well im well late myself tonight, so Im off to iron out some of my wrinklies, sleep tight enid, see ya 2mora.

 

 

Sweet dreams to U All.

 

JsMum

 

 

That comment brought tears to my eyes, so true.

 

I hope your ok today enid <'>

[lisa35]

hope things are better

tonight I managed calmness-usually Id have him by scruff of neck too! what set it off? I said just geta wash, then I changed my mind, and thought he was bit pongy, so said , have a bath

consequence- threw cat food all over, ran u p the stairs, right at me, thought would hit me, but didnt, his dad stayed mega calm, sent him to bed for half hour

but best thing, he tried the old " im sorry, i love you,then in next breath, am i stll banned from lap top!!!!! ajhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so i said yes, so, off he goes again!

 

I know i shouldnt ve changed the plan, but hey, outcome wouldve been a stinky 12 year old, they cannot always use meltdowns to control situations

I know that most of time its stress that causes them, but sometimes we just got to ride the storm!

sorry if rambled but its been 2 hours are strops tonight

lisa xxx

[Enid]

You are right that they cannot use meltdowns to get their own way, there has to be a consequence, but not as easy as it sounds! Still struggling here, did the usual routine, cards etc etc, all calm and well, then at last min he said I`m not going to bed though He is at present sat on the top step, looking menacing, I really hope this is not going to be a new phase cos the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that he is usually asleep by 10pm, then I can relax Enid

[Enid]

Well he is finaly settled, he sat on stairs doing peacock noises for an hour, I had to use the phone a friend option! to stop me SHOUTING UP THE STAIRS!!!!!!! He then started knocking on doors really loudly, cant beleive littlies didnt wake up. I then went upstairs and said goodnight as I passed him and shut my bedroom door, and he went to bed breathe out! glass of wine , oh god, till tomorrow then will prob have to do it all again. Enid

[cmuir]

Hi

 

You're not superhuman and when there's no let-up, when tired, etc, sometimes we blow. Don't beat yourself up about it. In the cold light of day, you've said yourself that you know you need to try and remain calm - a lot easier said than done.

 

Start afresh tomorrow!

 

Caroline.

[Enid]

Thanks, appreciate that. <'> All calm now so will get to sleep, have a meeting at school to survive tomorrow! Night Enid