Friends, Acquaintances, Staff, Helpers ....

[Mumble]

How do you differentiate between different people's roles?

 

I was feeling confused enough, but at least I took some solace in thinking that I had the support of my hall managers. Turns out I've been utterly mistaken.

 

I really don't understand - they said they wanted to help me, that we could chat 'any time', that 'any time I wanted I could pop in for a chat/cup of tea', we've walked the dogs, been shopping together, the guy had been teaching me to play chess a couple of evenings a week and had even said that he saw his role of going beyond manager, to friend. They're people I've trusted with confidential information about myself and they're the ###### who stopped me killing myself.

 

Then today I go to a meeting with the uni disability support about befriending and get told by Mr Disability Support that the reason I need befriending is to replace what the hall managers have done for me because they don't want to be doing that, especially playing chess, he said, and they want to find someone else to do it. I'm really really upset now I wish that if I had misunderstood the support they could offer they had just said to me, 'Mumble, we can only help you for 30 minutes every fortnight or whatever' rather than tell someone else of my misunderstandings. How am I supposed to trust people or learn if people won't point out my mistakes to me?

 

How do I avoid this in the future - how do I know what sort of relationship and how much people want/are willing to give? It's made me draw away from others for fear I'm getting that wrong and adding to people I'm upsetting without knowing it.

[Suze]

My first thought after reading your post was that perhaps after your suicide attempt they may have felt out of their depth in being able to offer you the appropriate help you need at this time .If that is the case it means that they still care about you but wish someone more qualified in a caring role to take over from them.Perhaps your needs at the moment are over and above what they can offer.I,m sorry it has happened this way take care suzex.

[Stella63]

Mumble

 

I really don't understand what is going on but you have been such a support for me and many others and just wanted to give you lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> and more than a few followed by a few and some of Warrens favourites

 

Stella xxx

[llisa32]

Hiya - just pm'd you <'>

 

I suspect the disability may have taken his own interpretation of what they meant/said - rather than what they 'actaully meant/said - if that makes sense.

 

The disability peepsn at your uni have been distinctly rubbish all the way thru yr time there - the halls peeps have been absolute treasures the last few months - and no one can fake that sort of concern.

 

I don't doubt the halls peeps sincerity - I think they were probably trying to give disability peeps a kick up the bum to get the support in place that should be in place for you - and disability blokey has made his own assumption on that. He was probably also none too careful in his phrasing etc - so my bet is that he made it sound like they don't want to be doing anything with you, when I very much doubt that is the case.

 

<'>

[chill2computer]

Hi Mumble

This is a situation that most of us find our self?s in and for the same reason I did not talk to any one for ten years I would recommend that action. I have been going to an Asperger group for the last two months and found my confidence within that group. Everyone can openly discuss a situation and get advice and which words to use in a situation. We also have advice on how the other person or party see things differently. Most situations are a misunderstanding.

 

From reading your post I think this manager over stepped his boundaries and got himself into trouble he should have been clear with you and explained his professional code of conduct. You did nothing wrong he did, but you are the one left feeling confused some one should have explained there code of conduct and the legal term so you would understand how to keep yourself safe and understand in black and white what the rules are he was not suposed to push the issue of friendship or even mention close friendship and that was a breach of conduct from him.