A hard, hard lesson to learn ...

[mandyque]

I'm so sorry he has had to go through this, makes me so sad

[warrenpenalver]

Pearl just thinking it might make the difference between a positive id or not. i dont know how bad JP's face blindness is but i find that if people are wearing the same clothes then its easier to remember the face as its all part of one picture to visualise rather than separate features others may remember instead.

[pearl]

Not sure if it would stand up in court though Warren. Suppose they dressed the wrong guy in the right clothes? Or am I misunderstanding what you mean?

[warrenpenalver]

I get your point but thinking more dynamically, JP could use my idea to help him remember then concentrate on the facial features once hes got the whole picture to play with in his mind. maybe then with the extra concentration he can learn that one face.

[pearl]

Thanks for the clarification, I get it now

[pearl]

Thanks bunty.

A quick update, as you've kindly bumped this.

 

The police phoned about 6 weeks ago to say they'd been unable to trace the guy (despite CCTV footage, a superb description from JP & a statement from someone else he'd tried to scam the same day. I mean, the guy walks with a limp & uses a stick fgs, how hard can it be?)

 

I didnt tell JP. But the following day, he came home & told me the guy had got on the same bus as him. Had an argument with the driver & got off after just one stop - right by all the homeless hostels. Duly told police. They duly investigated - and still couldnt find him. Hey ho.

 

JP still gets nightmares & anxiety three months on. But he's trying to move on as best he can. Have to put it behind us & learn from it.

[joybed]

So sorry to hear this has happened. These people really are skum. Hope JP is OK.

[ScienceGeek]

Hey Pearl, sorry to hear that JP is still having nightmares because of this. Is he getting any kind of help?

 

SG

[pearl]

Just us as usual SG

Actually theres staff counselling on offer but he's decided not to go for it at the moment. I'd quite like him to but its up to him.

[warrenpenalver]

Pearl I would try and convince him to talk to the counsellor if he isnt more settled by christmas. I suspect he has a little Post traumatic stress (which is normal). It only becomes a disorder if it starts seriosuly affecting his life or making him more depressed.

 

Its difficult with him because he is vulnerable so he has valid reasons to be anxious. To help him is there anything you can teach him or he can go and learn to help protect him from such individuals tricking him. If he can learn to recognise people taking advantage or at least learn to not give money to ANYONE except close friends/family (ie create a rule) then a lot of the anxiety may resolve itself as there will be no "need" in his mind to be anxious as he has a rule/defence.

 

If he still has excess anxiety (above what youd expect because of his AS) and nightmares once hes done all he can then some counselling might help him see things differently.

 

I suffer with PTSD myself but its origins are complex and i get a lot of anxiety in public places as a direct/indirect result. Ironicaly the only place i dont feel anxious was in the Middle East while on active duty (that doesnt imply i felt safe, just not anxious) as i knew the rules and knew what was and was not safe and i had the power to change it (ie weapons, resources etc). (the conflict at present in iraq is different in the way people feel anxiousness due to uncertainty).

[pearl]

Thanks for the advice Warren. Its hard when you are in the middle of something to know whats normal & what isnt so its good to get another perspective.

 

We've done a lot of work with him about possible scenarios he may encounter in the future. Impossible to cover everything but I hope he's less gullible now. He knows now that its never ok for a stranger to ask for money. (We'll just have to forget about charity collectors ) If it comes to being physically threatened, he knows to run first, give up his money second, defend himself last. His Taekwondo gives him some confidence, but hopefully not so much that he thinks he's Bruce Lee We've said, if you are outnumbered, dont attempt to fight. If someone is armed, dont attempt to fight.

 

But all of this is fine in theory. In reality, his mind seizes up under stress.

 

I'll keep a closer eye on him & maybe revisit the idea of counselling in the New Year.

 

Edited to add: on Halloween he was stopped by a gang of lads (not even in costume) asking for money. He ignored them & walked on, & they left him alone

Edited November 18, 2008 by pearl

[warrenpenalver]

His mind freezes up under the stress because its high stress and hes trying to think at the same time. You tried role-playing a few (non-physical!) scenarios? No one can think when stressed to the limit. If you can role play then the stress levels may come down a bit so he can function more effectively.

 

It must be having some effect as he ignored the lads at halloween (even if it was fear!!) and didnt hand over money. Hopefully next time he will be more "concious" of it and knowingly walk on by.

 

If you can train his mind to get "used" to such scenarios the stress will be less. (its the same reason soldiers do military exercise so they instinctively know what to do and dont need to think as much).

 

With the confidence of the taekwondo, do you know if hes got any "pre-planned" routines hes learnt?? As in specific routines to deal with muggers etc. Its quite common for vulnerable people (in whatever way) who learn martial arts/self defence and to plan a routine to protect them selves/get back at aggressive people. Problem being you can read the signals wrong and accidentally beat up the wrong person Whoops! I had my own set routine of 2 snap kicks to the left knee at 45 degree followed by a roundhouse kick to the head and and elbow to the chin, all practised and perfected "just in case" .

[pearl]

Thanks again Warren. I'll ask him about what he does in Taekwondo (I've no idea ) & perhaps work out some role play, some good ideas there