AAARRRGH!!!

[Tally]

I was meant to go to work early tonight for some training session. The thought of spending an hour in a room with the manager who was so nasty when I phoned in sick and then locked the door in my face was bad enough, but now he decided to come in early so has postponed tonight's training session until next week. I was all prepared to go in early and now I have to go in at a different time with only one day's notice. I don't know when they will reschedule the training, but I bet I will get no notice of that either. I came in late last night to make up the time, so now I have lost pay for this week.

 

With half an hour to go I was given a huge job and told that the other four members of staff will come and help me. They didn't.

 

They also decided to test the fire alarm.

 

We have yet another new starter. He has been working with someone else for the last 2 nights, but I'm worried he will get sick of it and make me work with him tonight and tomorrow. I can't really argue, because it isn't fair for one person to do it all anyway. I am off at the weekend at least.

 

The other new starter asked if I wanted some help to count the juice because he was in the top sets at secondary school and knew his times tables (the juice mostly comes in cases of 12). I said I would be fine because I learned my times tables in primary school. At this point a manager walked past and asked, "what was that all about?" I thought I was going to be in trouble. This was the one manager I haven't upset (yet), so I really didn't want to make him angry. He asked me if the new starter had said similar things and I told him about our conversation the other day. He said, "good for you," so at least it looks like I won't get into any trouble over it. I don't expect anything will happen because it's not really serious, just very annoying.

 

I have just got over a stomach upset and now I have a sore throat. I'm completely exhausted for no reason and I have to cook something because I have nothing to take to work tonight otherwise. I have to have some blood tests. I have no money because I was waiting for a cheque but it took so long to come and now it won't clear before pay day anyway. The woman from the mental health team told me all about the long term support they offer for people with depression, and then told me that it wouldn't be appropriate for me. Then she added that it is not possible to recover from depression and I just need to learn to live with it and take medication. She belittled all of my concerns about the lack of long-term support, saying that my pessimism was a symptom of my depression.

 

Right now I have no one to turn to because my parents are busy trying to sort out my brother (who I am also very worried about), who is very unwell in India.

[TheNeil]

Then she added that it is not possible to recover from depression and I just need to learn to live with it and take medication. She belittled all of my concerns about the lack of long-term support, saying that my pessimism was a symptom of my depression.

Hi Tally1

 

From the various chats I've had with people over the years, this woman saying that you can never recover from depression is kind of correct - although she's wrong about the medication (and she definitely could have worded it a better). The description that I've come to favour is that depression is a disease that you have to fight just like any other disease - the only difference being that this is a disease that stops you from fighting and makes you pessimistic (so, in a sense, she was right about that bit). Pills won't solve the problem - they only mask it.

 

Depression is there for a reason and tells us that something is wrong. Both of you already know what's wrong so to beat the depression you have to work out how to fix it...and that's the tricky part and, sadly, only something that you can do (try to shut out all of the voices telling you what to do and try to imagine where you really want to be. Once you know thatthen other people can start helping you and offering advice on how to achieve it). Work is obviously a big factor, as is money (although work is usually a big factor in that). The easy answer is to ask whether or not it could be time for a change, maybe look at either doing something else or maybe transferring within where you are at the moment - a chat with the personnel person might give you some options (if they value you as an employee then they should want to keep you and do everything that they can. If they don't value you as an employee then they won't try to help...and that kind of speaks volumes about them and let's you know where you stand).

[tjw]

hi tally

i have just read the other tread about new starter im soooooo sorry it sounds like you are having a realy bad time at the moment with work issues, the part about the manager locking the door when he must have seen you waiting to come in can you not go to hr and make a complaint about him because that for me was very rude of him and he should be acting in a more responsible manner that is why they are manament, i dont have any answers for you but i just wonted to send you a big hug because you deserve one or two take care <'> <'>

theresa x

[NobbyNobbs]

Then she added that it is not possible to recover from depression and I just need to learn to live with it and take medication. She belittled all of my concerns about the lack of long-term support, saying that my pessimism was a symptom of my depression.

 

Right now I have no one to turn to because my parents are busy trying to sort out my brother (who I am also very worried about), who is very unwell in India.

odd. i consider myself recovered from my depression. sure i have bad days, just like everyone else and there is the constant background worry of 'will it come back' but i'm off any medication and doing fine. i also was told the only support i could have was group counselling - completely pointless as i wont speak in front of a group of people - and that that was the only 'long term' support they would give me. but i still got better i know its horrible while you're down but take the meds, get back up again and then you'll be able to see how to keep yourself up there. the one thing i did find quite useful was Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and although this is like gold dust now there are websites with the work-sheets on and you can have a go at DIY CBT. makes you feel like an idiot at first, but really helps to control your thoughts. hope you feel better soon

[Bard]

I agree with you Nobbynobbs.

This is an NT, very personal point of view from me.

 

Sometimes depression creeps up on you over a period of time, things keep going wrong; you feel like you're wading upstream...through treacle...with an 80lb backpack...and then someone keeps yelling at you to make a decision or a choice.

So at the worst point you sit down in your treacle stream with your hands over your ears and you can't think whether to go on or back. You can't make a conscious decision about anything anymore.

But if you get help, medication, counselling, support you can get out of the stream altogether and sit on the bank for a bit.

Then, when you've got your breath back, and your sense of emotional stability you can make some choices that enable you to move on, without all the burdens. Some of them maybe, but not all.

That bit takes a lot of time, effort and being gentle with yourself.

 

Later, you learn to recognise the signs of becoming stressed and you remember that it will lead to depression.

So you do something about it before it becomes a big problem. Whatever you need to do. In some cases, it's turning down a promotion, making space for a hobby, understanding that if you are in a family unit, not everything is always your responsibility. Letting other people help you. Asking other people for support.

Like knowing if you have anger management issues, you understand that a tendency to depression is a weakness that needs watching out for and taking precautions about. You don't let events or people or expectations or fear push you over the edge again, because once you've climbed back out, you know that you don't want to fall in again.

[Tally]

I have, finally, been referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but it is with a university research department, so I am not allowed any other support during it, which is understandable. What I wasn't told was that I will not be allowed any support afterwards either, so I said that maybe it is not worth doing if I am going to lose long-term support, and she made me make a snap decision about whether I wanted it or not. She was going on and on about how it is the only thing that is going to help, and I said I do think it will help, but I don't think that 12 sessions are going to cure me and I think I will still need ongoing support afterwards. She kept saying, "ah, but you said you don't think it's worth the effort," which is not what I said at all, I said I don't know if it is worth losing long-term support for (never mentioned effort). I don't think it was necessary to say, "ah, but," as if she was trying to catch me out. She talked to me like this a lot during the first session and I felt like she didn't believe anything I was saying, which became apparent when I discovered she had actually referred me to the research centre's scheme for people who have recovered from depression.

 

Then she started saying I only thought I needed long-term support because I was depressed, and that this therapy will teach me ways to be less pessimistic. I do recognise I might not ever be 100% cured, but I would like to think I might be able to get better than I am now, to the point where I can find some pleasure in something once in a while. In the past I have had times where I am OK, and I am trying to convince myself that I will be OK again, but it doesn't help when professionals you are supposed to respect tell you that you are never going to get any better and then complain that you are being too pessimistic because you fear that you might need more support even after you feel a bit better.

 

I have had really bad experiences with medications, I have tried seven different ones and given them a fair chance over several months, but they make me feel worse. Everyone keeps blaming the depression and won't believe that I could get side effects, even though the extra symptoms appear around a week after I start a medication and go away a week after I stop. Seven times.

 

I hate that no one believes me. I don't even know if my GP believes me or just pretends to. He offered me medications and when I said no he said that is probably sensible, but he felt like he should offer, so at least he is not pressuring me to take them.

[Tally]

But the good news is that I have been referred to a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome clinic. There is a long waiting list and I need some blood tests first, but at least it's progress. I used to find it much easier to find motivation and enjoy life when I had more energy. This might be they key to getting some friends.

 

And my GP does believe me about all the stuff I have written about on my DLA form, and wants me to come in when he gets asked to fill in a form, and we will "well not bull****, but you know what I mean" together, so I think he is supportive about that!