dooday24 Report post Posted August 27, 2008 my neice and her freind have stopped with us for a few days and it has made me realise how much our life evolves around reece andd i feel really guilty... she has had so much fun with my neice putting makeup on her doing her nails ect and all the girly stuff i think me and shannon need to do something on our own but im not sure wat....... love donnaxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted August 27, 2008 Hmm tricky. Hows about a dance class, or learning something together. Rock climbing or Archery or something? What about a musical instrument? Or how about if you just go swimming for an evening a week. Some martial art classes do family classes where a parent can learn with their child. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diane Report post Posted August 27, 2008 Hi Donna, I know that guilty feeling and its not nice. I found myself in your positon and I took my daughter out and paid for her to have her nails and hair done then we had a cup of yummy hot chocolate and talked about how it was for her and I was able to explain more about how life was for her brother. Since then I have made sure that we have some girly time even if it means just a chat in her bedroom looking through her make up and magazines. I sometimes buy her magazines, some make up or CD and leave it on her pillow so every now and then she has a suprise. Sometimes we do some cooking together or both read the same book and share our thoughts. I have made signs to go on the bedroom doors so my son knows when we are having girly time at home and he is not allowed in. So far so good. At first my son found it difficult to manage but he has learnt to accept that I sometimes just have time with my daughter. I did a lot of stories with him about relationships and this is on going. Now sometimes our girly time is just 10 minutes or half an hour here and there and at others it is a shopping trip or doing something that she is interested in. She even goes off and does things on her own with her dad now which is wonderful. I still don't always get it right for either of my children but I guess that's life. There is no blue print, it would be easy if there was but perhaps a bit dull. Having time out with my daughter made me realise that I never take time out for myself and the time I have with her is respite in away for me. Try not to feel guilty. Having a child who is on the spectrum is a huge responsibility. I think lots of us have been where you are now. I am sure your daughter understands. Thinking of you. <'> >< <'> >< Diane Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forbsay Report post Posted August 27, 2008 It is really hard getting a balance. Me and my daughter go shopping on a Saturday when hubby comes home from work and looks after M. Take care Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted August 27, 2008 Donna I know exactly what you mean and how you feel <'> I've got a daughter who is just about to go into year 11 and I've really had to make a concious effort to give her my time. She never complains about anything or makes a fuss so it's been far too easy, during my struggles to sort things out for Bill and Ben, for her needs to be inadvertenly overlooked. She's just turned 16 so we can enjoy the same dvd's and shopping etc. When I've got the boys settled at night I always sit down with her now and we watch a dvd or something on the telly together or just natter about things that are happening at school etc. I sometimes take her out to lunch, or she helps me prepare food (things she enjoys). I think I've been very lucky with my dd because she could have really kicked against the fact that the boys have taken up the lion's share of the attention for years, but instead she's been very supportive and is really patient and kind with her brothers and is such a lovely girl. It's good that you've realised that your attention needs to be shared; it is so easy to get caught up in day to day life and 'forget' that there's someone else there needing a bit of your time. Flora Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted August 27, 2008 Oh god, this has really struck a chord with me. My lovely daughter, she is soo good and she dosnt get the attention she deserves, she has 3 brothers and little one has health probs and used to have feeding probs, was tube fed till age 3, and you all know about DS,!!!! just today I took her and the youngest out for a few hours, DS was with support worker, (we got allocated last week! 1 day a week 10.30 to 3.30) she chose the outing and sat in front of the car and was soo animated and chatty all day that even tho we had a lovely time I felt really guilty as she is usually quiet, and I realised how much DS takes over converations. later she was at a party, and I got a neighbour to watch the others and walked to fetch her so we could walk home alone, together. when I picked her up everyone was saying how lovely she is and how she was helping all the little ones, I watched her playing and thought how awful it must be for her to have two so needy brothers, the oldest is 19 and we hardly see him, even tho he lives at home! I REALLYmust make an effoert to do more alone with her. I`ll stop now! Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted August 27, 2008 thanku everyone for yr ideas and support it is so nice nowing im not alone and others know exaxctly how it is and how im feeling thanx again dont know wat id do without u lovely people love donnaxxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
