son sent home from school again

[alisonatt]

can anyone give me some advice about who can help me, my son jay still being looked into having aspergers, went back to school on tuesday was worrying all day but went to pick him up and everything was fine, went back today and its a different story by 11o'clock the school was on phone asking me to pick him up,he goes to a mainstream school but i feel the headteacher just wants him out,once i got him home he was fine no stress or anything.I know my son feel better around me but i feel i am on my own with all this, my husband works full time, i just wondered if there is anyone i can talk to face to face get advice from help me with my sons school i am just so stressed and dont know where to turn.

Edited September 3, 2008 by alisonatt

[gladysmay]

this is all too familiar and happened to me but several years ago now -shame nothing has changed, I ended up keeping my child at home but signed off by my doctor as unwell to cover my back as the school welfare threatened me over non attendance - truth is I could not keep him in there, he always came home and then I was blamed.

 

the school should be providing an appropriate learning environment for your son and the fact that you are awaiting a diagnosis should help them to understand the situation.

 

kids with AS can be overwhelmed by the shcool environment and need adjustments that take into account their AS, are you able to make some suggestions in the meantime. I would ring nas helpline and ask for some info, also see their website, print off the info on the section I think it is in professionals link, for teachers etc and give it to the school, I did this with my college, that way they have the info. try to be calm with them or they might resist and what you really want is for them to help your child, as soon as the dx is in place you can assert your rights. I think SEN re the definition of a learning disability should mean even without the dx you can demand support.

 

I hope this helps. best wishes.

[Tally]

I think there are issues with children being sent home without being formally suspended. A lot of people here have had similar problems and got the schools to stop doing this.

[tjw]

hi alison

my son is in mainstream school and awaiting a dx he is 5yrs old, but when he gets stressed they let him go and play in his sand/water untill he has calmed down, they have never sent him home, also there is a mentor in school who knows about this she is not Gs but it has help speaking with her and his teacher, is there anything that can calm jay down when he gets stressed what can be put in place at his school, if you feel that the head just wonts rid i would set up a meeting with them and let them know how you feel, also with G when they see he is getting stressed they give him what they call timeout where he can walk into rec and take papers ect to head office, it just to release the stress and it seems to work, but i do feel lucky with his school and the support they give. i hope you can get this sorted because just sending him home is not right it is putting stress on him again, do try and speak with school and i hope this can be sorted for you.

take care

theresa

[Cat]

Every time they ring you and ask you to take your son it is an illegal exclusion. Do not let them get away with this. Every time they ring you and ask you to take your son home tell them that you want it in writing because they are officially excluding your son. They wont like it. They will tell you that there is no need for them to do this but they are lying and there is every need for them to do this. A school is only allowed to exclude a pupil so many times before it becomes a permanent exclusion and LAs are trying hard to get both their exclusion and permanent exclusion rates to drop. That is why some schools now go the illegal route. If the exclusions are made legal it will help you to get the support that your son needs. A diagnosis should not matter because schools are supposed to meet the needs of the child and not a label. Every time your son is excluded it needs to be recorded and the Governors need to be informed. You might find that by asking for these sending homes to be done legally the school will think twice before they ring you - it happens. On the other hand you have evidence that the school can not meet the needs of your son.

 

Cat

[darky]

Wholey agree with Cat here. Do not pick him up unless you have the paperwork and he is formally excluded. If your son is excluded properly you will have written reasons why this was necessary and you will have the right to appeal. Do not let the school get away with this if they are excluding him illegally. Like Cat says, sometimes, even though exclusion is not ideal, it can help to get the support your son needs. If the school are illegally sending him home, you won't have a leg to stand on if you feel your son needs additional help. Have one of these from me <'>

[darky]

Forgot to mention. Parent partnership should be able to help. If you phone your local education authority they should give you the number. <'>

[Enid]

Good advice there from CAT and DARKY, I followed their advice last term and it worked for me. Good Luck! <'> Enid

[Suze]

I would also ask /suggest that the school get some outside help through the local authority , it could be autism outreach, specialist teachers, or camhs, ed physch etc, the school can do this!, and should,nt be phoning you up and asking you to take him home , it solves nothing other than getting him off their hands .They should be seeking and looking at ways to help him in the school environment.You mentioned your son is being assessed , I,d speak asap to whoever is doing this and explain the school exclusions , they should offer school some advice and help.best of luck suzex.

[alisonatt]

thanks everyone for all your advice , going to get in touch with parent partnership today and stand up to the school,got to do this for my son he has a right to go to school and not pushed out when any little problem happens, <'>

[Kathryn]

Take a look at these Exclusion suppot sheets from the IPSEA site. The information sets out exactly what the school's obligations are in this situation and what you can do to make sure they comply.

 

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/exclusion-support-sheets.htm

 

K x

Edited September 4, 2008 by Kathryn

[Karen A]

Hi alisonatt.You are not alone in this situation we had similar difficulties re illegal exclusion last school year.I contacted the LEA officer who is responsible for monitoring exclusions and providing advice.He was very supportive and the HT changed her mind and did not go ahead with the afternnoonexclusion when she became aware that the LEA were aware.So it may be worth obtaining some support from the LEA too.Karen.

[alisonatt]

hi, well the school have now excluded my son for a week, and are saying if there is one more incident of unacceptable behaviour then they will permanently excluded from school. i am so angry with the school my sons behaviour has got worse since he started back from the summer hoildays i think a lot of it has to do with his new teacher, she shouts at him a lot, i did say to family and friends that she will do what every it takes to get him out ,as my son is still waiting his dx,the doctors think its adhd and aspergers the first time this teacher heard about this she got jay excluded for a week, she is head of the lower school, which got my back up beacuse his behaviour that week was good,to me it feels like they are trying to get my son out of school before he gets a dx, they seem to forget he is only 6 years old, i just dont know where to go for help, i have left a message with parent partnership but they not got back to me yet and i really dontknow who will help my son, he has a lea person who sees him in school but the school have never set up a meeting so i can see him even though i did ask,can anyone please help as i feel time is running out and getting no help, i really feel like i dont want to send my little boy back to that school, the head even said on the phone she thinks it might be better if i fined another school for my son, any help and advice will be lovely, thanks

[av16]

Hello, you have my sympathy as this happened to us too. You need to try and see the SENCo/Inclusion manager at the school a.s.ap. On the exclusion letter it should give the name of the la contact -get on to them too. The school should be getting in as many people to advise them on how to meet your son's needs as possible. We had involved the ed psych, the lea behavioural support team who co-ordinated a personal education plan which had the aim of preventing more exclusions. Keep trying with the parent partnership people as they did help us when we got through to them also if you haven't done so take a look at the IPSEA website.

 

The exclusion of a child his age(or any) should be the very last resort only after the school have tried everything - on his IEP and all the other interventions I and others have listed. You have to be strong and unfortunately take thm on and fight for his (and your) rights.

 

I know that you will get alot of support from this forum as it kept me going- demand a meeting in school - they are not doing their job so you will have to lead them!

 

Good luck, stay strong and make use of the forum <'>

 

AV

[alisonatt]

thank you AV for your advice and support, its nice to know i am not on my own, i know i got a big fight on my hands with my sons school but end of day he is my little boy and i would fight to the ends of the earth for him like any mum would, i just find it so wrong thats us parents have to fight so hard to get anywhere if we got a child with special needs. I am sure something is going on with his new teacher i said all along she would do this to my son, he seems to play up every day in her classroom but before the summer hoildays he would play up once or twice a week, i am trying to get to the bottom of this, cannot really get anything out of my son as he get upset about it,talked to someone from ACE on phone and they where a big help made me see that what i thought was right. going to ask for a meeting with the school and see where i can go from there i not going to let them bully me or my son, thanks again <'>

[Suze]

This sounds awful, I,d definitely get the lea officer involved asap, it sounds like they want your son off their hands because of his SEN.The heads suggestion to find an alternative school shows this .I would even request a meeting between your self the lea and school and any other agencies involved as the threat of a permanent exclusion is now hanging over your sons head and he needs help now.Get his teacher in this meeting too, she may well show her true colours.

 

...........my son had a teacher who prompted a breakdown and an emergency referral to camhs etc, best wishes suzex

[fallgyrl]

Hi Sorry to hear the school seem to be making such a hash of things. I think we have the same LEA??? so hope my experiences can help.

 

Just wondered whether the school gets ESAP funding for your son to support his inclusion? If not why not - there is no excuse as it can be in place in less than a month and is a useful backstop whilst any further investigations / potential statement investigated. The ESAP will also fund expert advice from LEIS and this has been invaluable for us. The LEIS officer has observed J in school on a number of occaisions, has helped put support strategies in place and organised autism awareness training for TAs. Her reports have also supported the schools request for statement. Does your son have an IEP? sounds as if he really should have, and this should be reviewed with you present and you can ask for the Ed Pscych to attend to discus your concerns - again my experience of the Ed Phsychs is very positive, couldnt be more supportive and very knowledgable about autism / aspergers. Also, just to confirm diagnosis is not necessary - J doesnt have a DX yet but has had ESAP since Reception and just about to get a statement

 

Sad to say, but a poor school can really wreck a child's education. If you really dont relish the battle then maybe the best option is to look for another school. After all if they are so unaccepting of your lad's behaviour (and potential diagnosis)now, what on earth are they going to be like in Yr 5/6 when the going may really get tough. At least now you are prepared when you look at other schools, and can ask to see SENCO, ask about inclusion and get a feel for how the SEN kids are supported.

 

Feel free to PM me if you need more info

 

Vicky

[alisonatt]

my son went back to school today though not with a bit of a stressful morning, had long talk to his sen teacher and i put forward that my son only do mornings as he finds all day so hard, i also yet again have asked them to not shout at him even if he shouts at them as he really cannot cope with that,they are finally pushing for a statement, also went to see a consultant paediatrician who turned round and said he thinks my son is to young to get dx for aspergers he is 6 and i know this is not wrong cos i have read things from people on this site who have children of this age and younger who do have a dx i feel its one step forward and five back at the moment, i just hoping that cahms dont listen to him as all this doctor seems to care about is adhd not the aspergers,i feel like one of them people on a horror film whos head is spinning around just dont know if i am coming or going, am still waiting for parent partnership to get back to me i hoping that will be soon.