sammykin Report post Posted October 10, 2008 hello everyone. i am new to this site but i am at my wits end. i did post yesterday but in the wrong place i think!!!! my step son who is 11 has asperger and my step daughter who is 9 and my husband ( recently diagnosed) we have been married just over a year and together 18 months before that. i dont know what to do. both my husband and son share very similar traits, non emotional outwardly - son makes terrible jokes to cover - he told a boy yesterday that no wonder his father committed suicide, he would have to if he had been this boys father!!!! my husband is overly practical, starts yawning etc if emotions are involved - my mother died 2 months ago from cancer after 11 year fight and i have had a double mastectomy and all he could talk about when i was very upset was that the fence needed mending!!! and he fell asleep!!! giving the simple explanation that he was tired! my daughter is full of obssessive traits and is very literal - she has a hamster now and we read a book on the care of hamsters that said a window should be left open so the hamster does not over heat!!!! now it is open even in this weather because the book said so - i htink i will take her to a pet shop and get them to explain - she wont take it from us. and thats just some of it. i know you have probably all heard it before but can someone offer advice or other places for info etc when do we tell our son? our oldest seems to be unaffected. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted October 10, 2008 Hi sammykin Welcome to the forum. Having 3 people in the family with ASD is a challenge I expect: a lot to learn about and adjust to. Tony Attwood: A complete guide to Asperger syndrome is a good place to start for basic information. The NAS website is alos very helpful. There's a lot of useful information on the forum too so keep browsing and please ask if you can't find anything! My daughterr was diagnosed at 15 at her own request so the question of when and what to tell her didn't arise for us. It is an issue that comes up regularly for parents with younger children, so hopefully someone else can give you some insights and suggestions. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynne Report post Posted October 10, 2008 [ Hi Sammykin, My friend also has two boys 1 aged 14years with Aspergers 1 11year old ASD and a husband with Aspergers. She two had breast cancer. Her husband recently woke up palaysed, but over time he has regained most of his ability to walk and use his hands. He has just been diagnosed with MS. The only thing I can say to help you is that when my friend wanted to speak to her husband she would have to speak to him with her back towards him. This meant he did not have to look at her face, so he was more at easy to communicate with her. Sending you a cuddle Lynne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billabong Report post Posted October 10, 2008 Hi Sammykin Welcome to the forum. I don't have kiddywinks but I do have a husband - not diagnosed AS but even he recognises himself when he reads about it and according to any of the on-line tests he's done, he's definitely AS. It can be such hard work sometimes - I have it easy with just one of them! Anyway, you get my full <'> >< support, sympathy, bar of chocolate (apart from the bit I ate). Take care of yourself, Billabong Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sammykin Report post Posted October 10, 2008 Hi Sammykin Welcome to the forum. I don't have kiddywinks but I do have a husband - not diagnosed AS but even he recognises himself when he reads about it and according to any of the on-line tests he's done, he's definitely AS. It can be such hard work sometimes - I have it easy with just one of them! Anyway, you get my full <'> >< support, sympathy, bar of chocolate (apart from the bit I ate). Take care of yourself, Billabong thankyou for the bar of chocolate - hope it was galaxy!! also i will try talking with my back to hubby but he seems to have bad hearing unless you face him and then it is too loud!! and also although HE is allowed not to look at us when talking to him, WE have to look at him!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billabong Report post Posted October 10, 2008 One-way rules? Never!! By the way, it was whatever kind of chocolate you wanted. As I'm not too keen on Galaxy, you can have the whole bar to yourself (I had a spare). Enjoy (but it doesn't usually have that effect, does it?) Good luck. I'm going to get round to doing emoticon cards so husband can tell what I'm feeling without misreading - I've been reminded to get on and do it by him, as I'd said I would. Whatever works ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chris54 Report post Posted October 10, 2008 hi Simmykin It was only when our son aged 8 was diagnosed ASD/AS, that it really downed on us that we are a family of Aspies, My wife has two grown up children that both have AS tendencies, no formal diagnosis. We did not see it in our youngest son He was just replicating us, thought some of it was learnt behaviour.It was only when he was not making progress at school that the proses started that led to a diagnosis. His behaviour problems we managed and just thought they were "normal". Both My wife and myself now see AS tendencies in ourselves. When I was young you were just considered odd, stupid, or what ever and that was it. On top of that I have server dyslexia and it was not until I was about 12 that I stumbled upon a teacher who was able to teach me to read and write. Always know that I didn't feel like I fitted in. Not a lot of emotions on show in our house. Looking back I see that my father also had AS ten dances. He died alone (emotionally) and very sad. I did have a overload of emotion when he died but was never able to show him any when he was alive. I know just what your husband is like because that is me, I do try to be interested but it don't come naturally. Don't suppose this helps much, other to let you know you are not alone. Chris. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sammykin Report post Posted October 10, 2008 One-way rules? Never!! By the way, it was whatever kind of chocolate you wanted. As I'm not too keen on Galaxy, you can have the whole bar to yourself (I had a spare). Enjoy (but it doesn't usually have that effect, does it?) Good luck. I'm going to get round to doing emoticon cards so husband can tell what I'm feeling without misreading - I've been reminded to get on and do it by him, as I'd said I would. Whatever works ... what are emoticon cards??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sammykin Report post Posted October 10, 2008 One-way rules? Never!! By the way, it was whatever kind of chocolate you wanted. As I'm not too keen on Galaxy, you can have the whole bar to yourself (I had a spare). Enjoy (but it doesn't usually have that effect, does it?) Good luck. I'm going to get round to doing emoticon cards so husband can tell what I'm feeling without misreading - I've been reminded to get on and do it by him, as I'd said I would. Whatever works ... you meant emotion!!!! cards Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 10, 2008 Just sending you some of these, <'> it is hard enough with 1 child so I cant even contemplate 1 more then a hubby, so it must be very challenging, what about local ASD parent groups, and seeking further advice on assessments with in your home, its incredibly hard to get support but there may be something in your area that is set up for supporting Adults with AS and there families. A Nice warm welcome. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 10, 2008 Hiya Welcome to the forum, sounds like you have your hands full. Since my sons diagnosis, I now reconise my husbands behaviour and lack of emotion are asperger based, at least now I have begun to understand and accept him for who he is rather than try to change him and no longer allow myself to feel let down by him, as I realise its not personal its just the way he is. Hope you find lots and help and support here. Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
