Getting out of the door ...

[peaches]

Most kids are a bit of a nightmare getting out of the house on time in a morning but we seem to have hassle every time we leave the house.

 

R Always needs to take something with him. It isnt necessarily the same thing but he realises just before we leave the house that today he must take X with him. X is usually toy related, yesterday it was the instruction book to the game cube game Zelda. The day before it was the free McDonalds toy. Sometimes its a particular game boy game. You get the picture. He isnt allowed toys in school so we often have to wrestle it off him or get the teacher to save it. I came up with the strategy of nominating a small soft toy to take with him so it could live in his school drawer and remind him of home. This was nipped in the bud by the headmaster who asked him not to bring it anymore as he was throwing it around all the time.

 

There is not only the needing to take the toy, but generally at going out time, especially if it isnt school he gets over excited and generally runs around making daft noises, knocking over his little sisters, following either myself or my husband everywhere acting really hyper. I am trying hard to understand this. Its obviously due to some anxiety when we go out. I have absolutely no idea what to do about it though. It drives us all crazy and makes us late many a time. If we are going to the hospital I allow an extra half hour for the difficult behaviour, so I dont miss the appointment.

 

Has anyone else had this, or overcome it?

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Yup, my son is nearly 7 and we have the same 'performance' every morning. It's always just as we're about to leave, despite having prior warning. I put it down to anxiety and believe that having to take something with him is like a comforter. Thankfully, R's school haven't made a fuss, and if they did, I'd question whether it was really a big enough issue for them to make a fuss about (goodness only knows, we have enough battles in our house - I believe it's about picking and choosing your battles). I must confess to not being the most organised person in the mornings, but I've been trying really hard. I ensure our routine is tightened up ie I wake R up (if he's not already awake!), make breakfast and take it through to R on a tray, watch a short DVD, wash, dress, etc. Sounds like I pander or spoil R, but the idea is that I try and make him feel relaxed as possible and if the routine is predictable it helps. Have to say, it has made some difference in that I've noticed R isn't always having the last minute panic about having to take something with him (the night before I ask him if he'd like to put something in his bag). I'm afraid, other than that (which you may already be doing), I can't give any advice.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[peaches]

Its hard to make a relaxed atmosphere in our house as he is the eldest of 3. This morning though, he was near to his target on his chart and I offered extra stars for being helpful, as well as the one he gets for being ready to go at 8.35. He managed it and actually helped his sisters by getting their shoes. He still had to grab a dinosaur to take, but I just let that go. If school want to make an issue I will raise it at the meeting after half term with the Ed Psych. I think its a comfort thing too, like taking a little bit of home with you! When I reflect I can be a bit like that when Im going away on holiday, taking everything but the kitchen sink.

[JsMum]

Jay behaves the same when leaving the house and I know for Jay, its defo a delaying tactic to aviod leaving the house, he knows he is going to find it very stressful once on a bus or been in a crowd, or interacting.

 

Avoidance stratgies help Jay relax a bit, it gives him control and he can gain back a bit of power so for us we try and keep it as relaxed as possible, if he is ready at 8:35am but then has to get x,y and z before going to school then it could be there is still some anxieties in school.

 

Jay cant leave the house unless he has watched the weather forcast, it gives him a little bit of pridictability, though gets upset if the weather man has said rain but sunshine develops.

 

I know that it is incredibly frustrating and time consuming when they insist on finding the x,y's and Zs so looking at anxiety issues and developing new ways to cope with anxiety will help reduce the aviodance tactics, power/control issues, though its a slow process.

 

JsMum

Edited October 23, 2008 by JsMum

[bikemad]

It takes forever and a day to get my lad out of the house...now I set his phone alarm for 10minutes before we have to entertain going so when it goes off he knows to get anything he wants to take with him usually his psp...it still is a battle to get out but a heck of a lot easier too if that makes sense.