Ive just joined

[utterance]

well, im a 21yr old girl who has just heard about aspergers syndrome...im 100%% posotive that I have it because it explains absolutely everything about my life and all of the symptoms fit perfectly so im going to the docs soon to ask for a formal diagnosis.

 

whilst im happy to have finally discovered the reason behind all of my problems, it annoys me that it has taken this long for it to be discovered. I went through 14 years of schooling and was always treated differently by school staff than other children were: so they knew that there was something wrong with me, but nobody ever thought to refer me to a psych or anything. at primary school we always had raffles and competitions and things and it was practically guaranteed that i would be chosen as the winner. and in high school i used to get away with things that other kids would of been expelled for. there was this chemistry teacher aswell, who would try to bring me in on conversations all of the time because he knew that i found it hard, even if they had absolutely nothing to do with me he would ask my opinion on things. not to mention the amount of reviews and reports i had that said i needed to communicate more.

 

Things have gotten weird with the family aswell, i feel like im on death row or something with the way that people are tip toeing around me and being nicer than they ever have been before. i know they're trying to help ...but its weird. they all keep trying to 'fix' my symptoms instead of just letting me be who i am., like nagging me to go shopping because i havent been out in a while, or encouraging me to wear something new because ive been wearing the same style of clothes for years. they just dont get that im happy the way i am, i like staying in and i like the way i dress, its unique. they dont understand that no matter how much they try to make me more 'normal' internally im just always going to be the same person i am now.

 

i got a load of info from the nhs website to take with me to the docs and highlighted all of the things which apply to me to make the appointment easier, but my mum has written me a letter about things that she has noticed to take with me asswell- its really getting to me. in it she says that it has been heart breaking to watch me grow up and that she's spent all of my life appologising to people because of how i act and that i cant see the pain im causing. it is really really hurt full to know that just being who i am and acting the way that seems natural to me causes so much pain to other people. its making me want to hide away even more.am i supposed to spend the rest of my life putting myself in situations which are awkward and anxiety-filled to me just to make other people happy with me?

 

anyway moan over...i just needed to get that out.

utterance

[NickyB]

Things have gotten weird with the family aswell, i feel like im on death row or something with the way that people are tip toeing around me and being nicer than they ever have been before. i know they're trying to help ...but its weird. they all keep trying to 'fix' my symptoms instead of just letting me be who i am., like nagging me to go shopping because i havent been out in a while, or encouraging me to wear something new because ive been wearing the same style of clothes for years. they just dont get that im happy the way i am, i like staying in and i like the way i dress, its unique. they dont understand that no matter how much they try to make me more 'normal' internally im just always going to be the same person i am now.

 

Hello, utterance and welcome

 

I don't have aspergers myself (I have a son with autism), but I can relate to what you say about people trying to change you. I am genuinely very happy in my own company (and the way things are at the moment it's rare that I get a chance of that!) and I'm not really bothered about going out very often. Some people find that odd and try to get me 'out of myself', but it's the way I am. Wouldn't the world be boring if we were all the same anyway?

 

I'm really glad you've found a possible explanation for the issues you've had and I hope the people around you are able to let you be yourself.

 

Take care and good luck at the docs <'>

 

Nicky x

[Catfish]

im the same, although i havent had a diagnose, yet, i have had many problems in my life, although things are now improving!!! i dont go out very often, i dont like discos but i do like playing cards for hours (not for money!!).

 

thank you nickyb for responding, i was convinced i would be ignored by all. i work in child care and i have 2 children in my class who we think have autism!

[Kazzen161]

>> it is really really hurt full to know that just being who i am and acting the way that seems natural to me causes so much pain to other people. its making me want to hide away even more.am i supposed to spend the rest of my life putting myself in situations which are awkward and anxiety-filled to me just to make other people happy with me?>>

 

I think there has to be a compromise, and knowing you might have AS (not necessarily having a diagnosis) will help both you and your friends and family. They can be more tolerant of your ways, knowing that you are not doing things on purpose, and you can learn to "play the game" more (eg: learn what to say/not to say).

 

You need to decide what situations are important to take part in (because they are important to your family/friends) and develop strategies to cope with them (eg; my son always needs some chill out time during Xmas day - he cannot cope being with us for the whole day) and what ones you can opt out of (eg: a night out at a disco - arranging to see your friends for coffee on the Sunday instead).

 

Your Mum had to be honest in her letter, otherwise you would stand no chance of getting a diagnosis. Many parents say it is one of the hardest things about going through the diagnostic process - having to talk about all the negative aspects of your child - often in front of your child - but if you skim over the negative bits, they won't give a diagnosis.

 

I hope just knowing that there is a reason for the things you find difficult, will help you.

 

[Karen A]

Hi utterance Welcome to the Forum. Karen.

[Tally]

Hi Utterance, and welcome to the forum.

 

I am 27 and was diagnosed with AS last year. I too had a letter from my mum about the way I was as a child, which proved helpful in my diagnosis as it proved that my difficulties were lifelong and not symptoms of a recently developed mental illness.

 

Please try not to be upset about what your mum wrote. Remember that she is coming to terms with the possibility that you have AS too. Perhaps she is feeling guilty for the way she dealt with situations now that she understands you better. If you look around the forum you will see many parents feeling upset because of things that do not upset their child - for example, spending time alone. This is because the parents know that they would feel sad if they had to spend that much time alone, and think their child must also feel sad, but that is not necessarily true.

[Catfish]

hi,

 

i no this sounds strange but your really lucky that your parents have writen it down, i went nearly 3 months without talking to my parents and they never told me everything, im still trying to get the truth out today, but i was such hard work when i was younger they feel burnt out so dont worry were all in the same boat here!