Don,t know what to do now

[joybed]

Hi all, anyone who has been following my" Marcus having a rough time at school thread" will know he didn,t return to school after christmas. He seemed a lot calmer not perfect but much calmer. We looked around a special school in that time (School name deleted by moderator - pm poster for details)) and thought it was fantastic. ,Marcus would really fit in there, my parents who are very against special education loved it, and even Marcus who said he was never going back to any school at the end of looking around it was sure he could cope their. So came away feeling very confident and happy had a meeting at Marcus current mainstream secondary the day after and felt confident, knew I would have a battle on my hands to get him in but willing to fight. That afternoon i recieved a phonecall from the Education welfare officer who started asking all sorts of questions about our home life, was his stepdad supportive, what was the behaviour of the twins like, did I work etc. When I explained Piers was undergoing assessment for special needs but the consultant thought he was just naughty and attention seeking (a whole other story) and offered me a parenting course, she too strongly suggested i attend a parenting course. She also said she would refer to the local childrens centre for someone to "take the twins of my hands" for a few hours a week. This is neither what I need or want and it maddens me that again it is being suggested that all this is my fault for being a substandard parent. I could understand it if I left my kids alone all the time to get out my face or if they were unkempt or whatever but how dare they judge me and our lifestyle. She said that no way would i get funding for the special school as it is out of area and too expensive �7,500 a term. She suggested i make ammends with school and send him back and is coming to see us at home with the ed psych this week. The LEA SEN officer said it would be difficult to get funding but would look into it.

Then we had the meeting at school, the SENCO sat there and said how she though Marcus was coping well and she couldn,t understand what the problem was. I asked if she though a child who was coping would be self harming, literally eating there clothes and crying till 01.00 hours due to fear of going to school. She didn,t have an answer. CAMHS, Parent Partnership and the SPED team were all present and on my side and put forward some good arguments for why the school wasn,t working. The school hadn.t bothered to invite the LEA as they said it was an unnoficial meeting and at the time the meeting was arranged Marcus wasn,t refusing to got to school. The SENCO also sat their saying how funny my son was with his ASD quirks, (it might be funny to you but it is certainly not funny to him the issues are very serious problems). Anyway the upshot of the meeting was he has to go back to school on a part time basis with the SPED team taking him and he is allowed to leave 15 minutes early so I can pick him up before I get the little ones. This is allowed to happen for 4 weeks and then it is his statement review but I have been told he will then after go full time. I am not happy about this but have been advised by parent partnership and the SPED team that it gives me more power if I go along with the schools suggestions because when they fail at least I have tried. The problem is they don,t have to deal with an anxious boy who did everything he could do to delay walking out the front door today despite the fact 2 people had come to collect him. He was in right state, has hardly slept and said he felt physically sick, I too havn,t slept, been ill throughout the night and feel like such a traitor this morning. I can now understand why people deregister and HE but the 1 week of having him off has made me realise that if I did this full time i would be ill or on a psychaitric ward, just because I work and the lack of sleep would kill me. I missed 2 days of sleep last week trying to work and teach Marcus something and I was right grumpy c*w sp probably not good for the whole family.

Sorry for the long moan but really not sure where to go.

I have always felt very lucky and privelepdged that the support has been there for Marcus and now find myself very angry that the support is no longer there. I find myself in the position of having to fight for my 2 boys. To get 1 diagnosed in the first place and the ther the education he deserves. I feel we as a family are being let down by the system. I feel as if they have to break Marcus completely before they will sit up and listen to me, whatever happened to parents know there child best. I feel they are just trying to penny pich and we are suffering.

Edited January 12, 2009 by mossgrove

[mossgrove]

I understand some of what you are going through as we have been through similar things.

 

The cost of out of area provision is NOT your concern. All you need to worry about is that the LEA have a legal obligation to provide an appropriate education for your son. They are not allowed to use cost as a justification for not providing this.

 

You urgently need to speak to IPSEA at http://www.ipsea.org Give them a ring, and keep trying until you get through.

 

You need to ask for an emergency formal review of his statement because his current placement has broken down and is no longer able to meet his needs.

 

Despite the fact you have ample justification and it would feel good to do so, do NOT go after the school and give it t them with both barrels. This will cause them to become defensive and keep your son there to prove they are right. You are very grateful for their efforts so far (bite your lip!) and for the provision that has been given to your son via the statementing process but it is now becoming clear that your sons needs are such that it is no longer reasonable or possible for his current school to provide what he needs. You are therefore asking that he be given another placement. Given that the LEA has no in-house provision that meets his needs they may well need to consider out of area placement.

 

7,500 a term sounds a lot when you first read the number but it isn't for the kind of provision you son needs, and I am absolutely certain that your LEA is already paying more than that for other pupils.

 

You need to be confident, clear in your communications, keep notes of all calls and meetings copies of everything and make it absolutely crystal clear from the outset that you will be going to tribunal if they refuse to meet your son's needs.

 

Don't be too dismissive of offers of respite care etc. Even if their motivations are a little off-kilter it can be a god-send when things are going badly.

 

Good luck!

 

Simon

Edited January 12, 2009 by mossgrove

[JsMum]

 

 

 

Sympathise with all your going throw, been there, done that, J had to be broken before they would do the right thing, go all the way, and take what ever help you can get your hands on, the child care will help you as fighting this battle is very very time consuming, also very emotional draining.

 

Contact IPSEA and other Legal representations and get together reports, My son had private assessments done and it supported us, even if the LEA wanted to deny Js needs.

 

Js cost of the school was substantionally increased because of the consequences J had to endure, if he had been admitted last September his needs wouldnt of trippled.

 

We recieved a much more enhanced statement, increased provisions and the specialist school just before the tribunal date, with help from other parents here() and other educational special needs services J in now in a provision that can meet all his needs.

 

Good Luck, Let us know how things go,

 

JsMum

 

[bid]

Hi Joy <'>

 

When my DS had a breakdown as a result of the acute stress of being unsupported in a mainstream school for 10 years, he was signed off as medically unfit for school by his GP and subsequently his consultants. He was self-harming and had an anxiety disorder and depression, and had regressed into his autism to the point that he held my hand in the street as he jumped every third step he took while banging his head with his other hand . He was rising 15 at the time.

 

As he was formally signed off from school the LEA had a legal obligation to provide home tuition. All LEAs have a team called something like Hospital and Home Education or similar who arrange home tutors for children medically unfit for school, and this includes anxiety and depression.

 

This gave us a chance for my son's mental health problems to be properly assessed, and for me to apply for a Statement and then ultimately a place at a residential special school.

 

If you have serious concerns about his mental health I would see your GP and investigate having him signed off as medically unfit for school.

 

Good luck...I know I'm not the only person to have done this on the forum. I was told by some LEA personnel that he was too old to get a Statement, etc...but he was so ill I had no choice but to plod on, and in the end I did get the right provision for him and he was able to finish his education, regain his confidence and get his GCSEs. It is essential though to get the formal letter declaring he is medically unfit for school.

 

Bid <'>

 

Just seen Simon's post...my son's funding was in the region of �60,000 to �80,000 a year so the fees for the school you visited are very reasonable and your LEA will know that.

Edited January 12, 2009 by bid

[Flora]

I haven't got time to type much, but two years ago I was in a very similar situation regarding my son and school. To cut a long story short, he was signed off sick by a child psychiatrist when he had a break down and there followed a year long battle with the LEA, culminating in a big tribunal which I won in February last year. My son is now thriving in an AS specific special school at a cost of OVER �100K to the LEA. �7,500 a term is peanuts in comparison.

 

You can read my old threads for the whole story, and if I've got time later I'll pop back and send you a pm.

 

Flora

Edited January 12, 2009 by Flora

[joybed]

Thankyou all. My GP said she couldn,t sign him of sick as it was only for working adults , but she did after much persuasion write a letter stating there were ongoing issues regarding stress and anxiety to do with school and that she had advised me to keep him off school. I handed this letter to the SENCO at the meating on Thursday and they still advised me to let him return to school part time. If he remains as stressed as he was today though I will not let the ASD team take him and will seek further advice. We have a CAMHS appointment on thursday so will dicuss it in more detail with them. I had a sick note myself and my manager told me it was unnaceptable i was off work and advised me to return which stupidly i did. I am supposed to be working tomorrow but M is off school so my choice is 40 mile round trip to my parents and then again tomorrow night to collect him or ring in sick, Still havn,t decided which to do.

[mossgrove]

What kind of organisation do you work for? Ordering someone to come in when they are ill is out of order!

 

Simon

 

 

[bid]

Thankyou all. My GP said she couldn,t sign him of sick as it was only for working adults , but she did after much persuasion write a letter stating there were ongoing issues regarding stress and anxiety to do with school and that she had advised me to keep him off school. I handed this letter to the SENCO at the meating on Thursday and they still advised me to let him return to school part time. If he remains as stressed as he was today though I will not let the ASD team take him and will seek further advice. We have a CAMHS appointment on thursday so will dicuss it in more detail with them. I had a sick note myself and my manager told me it was unnaceptable i was off work and advised me to return which stupidly i did. I am supposed to be working tomorrow but M is off school so my choice is 40 mile round trip to my parents and then again tomorrow night to collect him or ring in sick, Still havn,t decided which to do.

 

Hi again Joy <'>

 

I can remember how frightened I was when I had to make these huge decisions...it can be very intimidating to go against the advice of some professionals. But once I did make the decisions I actually felt empowered and as though I was 'reclaiming' my child. I also took the decision to take him off the cocktail of meds he had been on for years to help him 'cope' in school (I'm not advocating anyone just stops their child's meds...I did this with the full knowledge and advice of his consultants).

 

First of all, I don't think your GP is correct...certainly from my experience and the similar experience of others here. I found I had to be extremely clear and graphic over his self-harm with all the professionals. He came out of school the day after I discovered he had slashed his legs with a craft knife and I took him to the GP...she wrote the first letter signing him off school, and then she contacted his consultant at CAMHS who saw him within the following few days and wrote a second letter. I sent copies of both letters (and a third from his other consultant who CAMHS had also spoken with) to his school and the LEA.

 

The school huffed at first, but backed off as soon as I told them he was self-harming during school time (he had sat and stabbed his tongue with a safety pin during an exam) because of the health and safety implications. I know it sounds awful, but might you be able to photograph any self injuries to show school, GP, etc, so that they are completely aware of the issues involved here?

 

I would also start to have all conversations with your LEA in writing, so that you have a water-tight paper trail.

 

Lastly, just a personal perspective. We tried very hard to maintain a semblance of a positive working relationship with the school and the LEA, and tried not to have any heated rows as we felt it was important to be seen as 'rational' and co-operative. We decided not to go to our local paper or anything like that for this reason. I know it's all horrendous when you have a child in such distress <'>

 

On a positive note, we didn't have to go to Tribunal for anything at all. It may be that the low fees at the special school you visited will work in your favour.

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

Edited January 12, 2009 by bid

[Moll]

Thankyou all. My GP said she couldn,t sign him of sick as it was only for working adults , but she did after much persuasion write a letter stating there were ongoing issues regarding stress and anxiety to do with school and that she had advised me to keep him off school. I handed this letter to the SENCO at the meating on Thursday and they still advised me to let him return to school part time. If he remains as stressed as he was today though I will not let the ASD team take him and will seek further advice. We have a CAMHS appointment on thursday so will dicuss it in more detail with them. I had a sick note myself and my manager told me it was unnaceptable i was off work and advised me to return which stupidly i did. I am supposed to be working tomorrow but M is off school so my choice is 40 mile round trip to my parents and then again tomorrow night to collect him or ring in sick, Still havn,t decided which to do.

 

 

I'm sorry but if you have a sick not you cannot return to work during the period of it unless you have a singing off note from your doctor saying you are fit to return if you turn up to work your manager legally has to send you home you are also not covered by the works insurance. You cannot go to work.

Edited January 12, 2009 by Moll

[Cat]

 

That afternoon i recieved a phonecall from the Education welfare officer who started asking all sorts of questions about our home life, was his stepdad supportive, what was the behaviour of the twins like, did I work etc. When I explained Piers was undergoing assessment for special needs but the consultant thought he was just naughty and attention seeking (a whole other story) and offered me a parenting course, she too strongly suggested i attend a parenting course. She also said she would refer to the local childrens centre for someone to "take the twins of my hands" for a few hours a week. This is neither what I need or want and it maddens me that again it is being suggested that all this is my fault for being a substandard parent. I could understand it if I left my kids alone all the time to get out my face or if they were unkempt or whatever but how dare they judge me and our lifestyle.

 

I do not like this at all. The implication here is that you are not coping and that you could be part of the problem. Probably not go down too well my saying this but it is something that I have heard happen on more than a few occassions. You have to make sure that they are not allowed to pass the buck here and make you the issue.

 

If you have not posted this onto the HE-SP list then I would if I were you. They do not only help with home ed there. There are some experts who are qualified to be called experts. I would also make a call to IPSEA as a matter of urgency as others here have said.

 

Cat

 

 

 

[Clare63]

Joy,

 

Firstly some <'> <'> <'> <'> what a horrible time you are going through.

 

Although our GP did sign our son off sick from school, the school said it really should come from a consultant from CAMHS, but our GP said it was rubbish, the child was his patient and in his opinion unfit for school. Luckily camhs backed him up. It took us almost a year and half to get our child into suitable educational environment (same as Flora above, so don't be put off about the cost thing).

 

Its seems to be common practice for barriers to be put up against your requests, but think this is the authorities just trying to cover every option.

 

My advice is stick to your guns and evidence everything.

 

Please feel free to pm me if you need any help.

 

Clare x x x

Edited January 12, 2009 by Clare63

[Anna Van Der Post]

###### - that sounds pretty horrendous. I wish I could say that your expeiences are unique but I have spoken to some 200 parents about their experiences and we are all having to face the allegation that our children's behaviour is 'bad' because we are poor parents. I am trying to get a paper to run a feature on 'Are Parents Always to Blame for Bad Behaviour', programmes like 'supernanny' just reinforce this view. My contenion is that many are not.

 

Many parents report funds being withdrawn and inappropriate educational packages being offered, children then kick off and once again we are blamed. In my book when parents finally managed to get the right type of provision for their child, lo and behold the behavioural problems disappeared!

 

On my website we are in the process of writing a questionnaire (a professional outfit who have been contracted by the government on many occasions) are kindly helping free of charge (we have no money!) from which we plan to find out what is going wrong and what we need to do about it. Please do pay us a visit and fill in the questionnaire once we are properly up and running. If my book (big if) gives us a voice, then I intend to use it!

 

Sorry I can't say much that helps!

 

Anna

[Karen A]

Thankyou all. My GP said she couldn,t sign him of sick as it was only for working adults , but she did after much persuasion write a letter stating there were ongoing issues regarding stress and anxiety to do with school and that she had advised me to keep him off school. I handed this letter to the SENCO at the meating on Thursday and they still advised me to let him return to school part time. If he remains as stressed as he was today though I will not let the ASD team take him and will seek further advice. We have a CAMHS appointment on thursday so will dicuss it in more detail with them. I had a sick note myself and my manager told me it was unnaceptable i was off work and advised me to return which stupidly i did. I am supposed to be working tomorrow but M is off school so my choice is 40 mile round trip to my parents and then again tomorrow night to collect him or ring in sick, Still havn,t decided which to do.

 

Joy.If you have been signed off sick then you have a statutary right to be off sick.If you are off with stress or anxiety then that is still a recognised mental health issue. Karen.