How Come...?

[TheNeil]

How come...

 

...when I have just one square of chocolate, the entire bar gets eaten?

 

...when I buy something in the supermarket, it's on offer the next week (when I don't need it)?

 

...when I buy a newspaper I'm always 2p short and have to pay with a �20 note?

 

...it's sunny all week, but dreadful at the weekend?

 

...the GP is always running late when I'm on time but is on time when I'm running late?

 

...there's always a tractor/caravan/old person/breakdown/temporary traffic lights when I need to get somewhere in a hurry?

 

...there's mostly nothing good on TV and then there are three good things on all at the same time?

 

...when I'm busy my head is full of ideas, but when I'm not busy it's a complete blank?

 

...I wake up uber-early on my days off, but want to sleep in when I'm at work?

 

...I can go shopping, forget everything I went out for and always remember at the precise second I walk in the front door?

 

...when I promise to go to bed early, I stay up later than normal?

 

Does anybody else ever wonder these kinds of things or is it just me?

[pearl]

How come I have a list of things to do on t'internet - but my mind goes blank the second I log on, & I end up on here or Facebook?

[Kookoo123]

I can relate to alllll those things.

 

How come, when I am looking for something lost I only find it when i am looking for something else. And by then I can't remember why I wanted it.

 

 

[TheNeil]

How come I have a list of things to do on t'internet - but my mind goes blank the second I log on, & I end up on here or Facebook?

Senility?

[Mumble]

The law of sod. Although some do have (often mathematically :thumbs:) proved reasons:

 

...when I have just one square of chocolate, the entire bar gets eaten?

Because I know where you live

 

...it's sunny all week, but dreadful at the weekend?

This is to do with atmospheric changes - I'm not sure of the exact science but it's something about the additional fine particles released into the atmosphere on weekdays with all the cars taking people to work, trucks, lorry deliveries etc, and then the reduction of these at the weekend - not sure how but statistically that change makes rain more likely at weekends.

 

...there's always a tractor/caravan/old person/breakdown/temporary traffic lights when I need to get somewhere in a hurry?

More likely than not, they are always there but you only notice them when it has an impact on you (being late) and you need an explanation.

 

...there's mostly nothing good on TV and then there are three good things on all at the same time?

Because TV companies are trying to compete for viewers so they programme their listings to reflect perceived viewer profiles against other stations. If you look at the programmes you want to watch, you'll often find that they are on different TV company channels (i.e. not BBC1, BBC2, BBC3, but more likely BBC, ITV and SKY)

 

...when I'm busy my head is full of ideas, but when I'm not busy it's a complete blank?

A blank head? What's one of those like?

 

...I can go shopping, forget everything I went out for and always remember at the precise second I walk in the front door?

You don't always remember, but you remember the times you remember. I'll be willing to bet that there are other occasions when you have got home or a few days later gone to use something and realised then that you forgot it - but your memory only remembers what you forgot at the annoying times.

 

...when I promise to go to bed early, I stay up later than normal?

The promise is irrelevant - it is not connected to the staying up. There will be nights you stay up when you planned too, nights you stay up when you didn't plan to and vice versa - we remember when things aren't as 'expected'.

 

Does anybody else ever wonder these kinds of things?

No, I try to find a mathematical explanation. I could bore you about regular bus service buses coming in twos (yes, twos - mathematically that's more likely than ones and threes) for as long as you like. But then I am a little weird

 

 

 

[warrenpenalver]

I believe its commonly know as "Sods Law".

 

Eg.

 

the light at the end of the tunnel is your boss bringing you more work.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel is your bunny boiler ex stalking you with a flame thrower!!

 

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to cut backs.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel has gone out due to the roof collapsing.

 

A pessimist is merely and optomist with experience!

 

 

[warrenpenalver]

I could bore you about regular bus service buses coming in twos (yes, twos - mathematically that's more likely than ones and threes) for as long as you like. But then I am a little weird

 

Ive done similar calculations for buses too and i found the busyier it is passenger wise, the more likely this is to occur.

 

[Mumble]

Ive done similar calculations for buses too and i found the busyier it is passenger wise, the more likely this is to occur.

Absolutely, because (over simplified) once bus two catches up with bus one (and bus one will be slower due to frequent stops for passengers so this won't take long) the two buses will repeatedly overtake each other with bus one picking up at the even stops and bus two at the odd stops. It goes wrong when it stops somewhere multiple people get off such a train station and they may change order but will revert again to the two bus pattern. Electronic chip (and so quicker) ticketing systems as we have should make boarding quicker and potentially stop the two bus problem but boarding can still be lengthy due to some people not having chip cards, loading buggies/wheelchairs, people asking the driver if the bus goes where they want or ignorant selfish old ladies who insist on bringing two wheeled shopping carts (two carts, not one with two wheels...) on the bus and refusing help to load them, then demanding two seats to themselves and refusing to show the driver their pass because they're obviously over 65... so buses continue to appear to drive round in pairs.

 

[TheNeil]

No, I try to find a mathematical explanation. I could bore you about regular bus service buses coming in twos (yes, twos - mathematically that's more likely than ones and threes) for as long as you like. But then I am a little weird

The buses I understand (although I thought it was three's due to the first bus being late, the second bus catching the first bus up, the third bus thereby finding a distinct lack of passengers with the 'surplus' being shared between the first two. Or maybe it's due to living in a place where bus timetables are given in days rather than minutes ).

 

This then got me thinking about whether everything can be defined mathematically. I started with something simply and managed to express milkshake obssessed cartoon character Bod () as:

 

b = (t^3 + m(s + 1) * (JLeM ^ H1)) / SUM(L + A + H2)

 

That seems to work but I'm getting stuck when it comes to popular beat combo Razorlight. Everything is going great until I hit Johnny Borrell's hair. Maybe I'm not counting the number of legs properly

[TheNeil]

...or ignorant selfish old ladies who insist on bringing two wheeled shopping carts (two carts, not one with two wheels...) on the bus and refusing help to load them, then demanding two seats to themselves and refusing to show the driver their pass because they're obviously over 65...

This is so easy to fix:

 

1. Don't let old people on buses between 'peak hours' (I think allowing them to travel between midnight and 4am is perfectly acceptable - they get to travel for free anyway so stop moaning wrinklies).

 

2. Have special 'pensioner friendly' buses whereby the timetable is altered so that the yammering of the 'nearly deads' is factored into the schedule. This would allow the 'old uns' to have a one-way conversation with the driver about those 'new fangled, fiddly 5p pieces' without making the bus run late. As an added bonus Vera Lynn could be played on the sound system (or 'stereogram' if you prefer) and the smell of boiled cabbage piped through the air-con.

 

3. Fit special tow bars behind buses to allow 'ye olden ones' to attach their shopping carts to them and then sit on them - thereby eliminating the need for them to ever get on the bus, take up several seats or annoy the hell out of anyone. OK they might get wet when it rains but old people love being able to moan about the weather so this would be perfect for them.

 

(And before anyone says 'You'll be old some day'. No I won't. I have a contract with Lucifer whereby he gets my soul and I get to remain youthful and virile forever )(and hopefully after a few centuries I might have cracked being able to type properly )

Edited January 28, 2009 by TheNeil

[Mumble]

b = (t^3 + m(s + 1) * (JLeM ^ H1)) / SUM(L + A + H2)

Don't forget to define your terms. And are you absolutely sure it should be to the power of 3?

[TheNeil]

Don't forget to define your terms. And are you absolutely sure it should be to the power of 3?

I knew I forgot something (and I do this every time don't I?). OK:

 

b is 'Bod'

t is 'no. sides on Bod's coat/dress/top'

m is 'milkshakes'

s is 'strawberry'

JLeM is 'John Le Mesurier's velvet tones ("Here comes Bod")'

H1 is 'no. heads'

L is 'no. legs'

A is 'no. arms'

H2 is 'no. hairs on head'

 

Does it not work out properly? Have I inadvertantly created a 'mutant Bod' (possibly complete with giant crab claws, tentacles and a venomous spiky tail)(I hate it when that happens)?

 

And...how come my threads go off topic so quickly?

[Mumble]

H1 is 'no. heads'

H2 is 'no. hairs on head'

That really should be H₁ and H₂ for clarity. Otherwise people may think you mean 1H and 2H (as multipliers - although the '1' would be unnecessary).

 

And...how come my threads go off topic so quickly?

Pearl.

 

[TheNeil]

That really should be H₁ and H₂ for clarity. Otherwise people may think you mean 1H and 2H (as multipliers - although the '1' would be unnecessary).

True (or I could have used different identifiers). In my defence I will claim 'coding made me do it'. If that fails I'll claim 'insanity'

 

Pearl.

Yes, it's all her fault

 

[Kathryn]

This is so easy to fix:

 

1. Don't let old people on buses between 'peak hours' (I think allowing them to travel between midnight and 4am is perfectly acceptable - they get to travel for free anyway so stop moaning wrinklies).

 

2. Have special 'pensioner friendly' buses whereby the timetable is altered so that the yammering of the 'nearly deads' is factored into the schedule. This would allow the 'old uns' to have a one-way conversation with the driver about those 'new fangled, fiddly 5p pieces' without making the bus run late. As an added bonus Vera Lynn could be played on the sound system (or 'stereogram' if you prefer) and the smell of boiled cabbage piped through the air-con.

 

3. Fit special tow bars behind buses to allow 'ye olden ones' to attach their shopping carts to them and then sit on them - thereby eliminating the need for them to ever get on the bus, take up several seats or annoy the hell out of anyone. OK they might get wet when it rains but old people love being able to moan about the weather so this would be perfect for them.

 

(And before anyone says 'You'll be old some day'. No I won't. I have a contract with Lucifer whereby he gets my soul and I get to remain youthful and virile forever )(and hopefully after a few centuries I might have cracked being able to type properly )

 

 

Ouch!

 

How often do people here attack the world at large for making sweeping, ill considered generalisations about people with AS? Why should older people be considered fair game for this kind of attack? Sorry Neil buit I find your post offensive.

 

K

[bid]

Just seen this...I agree with Kathryn

 

Sorry, but not funny

 

Bid

[TheNeil]

 

Ouch!

 

How often do people here attack the world at large for making sweeping, ill considered generalisations about people with AS? Why should older people be considered fair game for this kind of attack? Sorry Neil buit I find your post offensive.

 

K

Oh I see.

 

Was this an attack? Was it intended as humour? Is humour subjective? Do I set out to offend? Am I usually the first person who I make fun of?

 

I know, I'll not say anything about anything. That way I can't offend anyone.

[bid]

Neil, I fail to see anything funny about mocking the elderly.

 

Would you have posted a similar post replacing 'OAP' with 'disabled' or 'black'?

 

Bid

Edited January 28, 2009 by bid

[Mumble]

ignorant selfish old ladies who insist on bringing two wheeled shopping carts (two carts, not one with two wheels...) on the bus and refusing help to load them, then demanding two seats to themselves and refusing to show the driver their pass because they're obviously over 65... so buses continue to appear to drive round in pairs.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause offence. It would be more accurate if I had said 'lady' rather than ladies, but this did actually happen to me yesterday and this rather nasty lady forced me out of my seat so she could have both (I was already stressed out and stimming badly at this point and some other passengers did tell her she was being unreasonable to me). She also later refused to move her shopping trolleys to let a mum push her pram into the designated pram/pushchair space so it wasn't just aimed at me. And she did refuse to show her pass to the driver 'because she looked over 65' causing the bus to be delayed as the driver wouldn't move until she had shown her pass (which I think is reasonable - the children who get free bus travel have to show theirs so why should it be different for the over 65s?). In this case, this women was ignorant and she was selfish. Children, OAPs, NTs, ASD individuals, disabled people, etc etc all have the capacity to be as ignorant and selfish as the next person so I can't see what I did wrong in using these terms here but I am sorry if I offended anyone.

 

[bid]

How often do people here attack the world at large for making sweeping, ill considered generalisations about people with AS?

 

I think this is the central point Kathryn is making...we should extend the same courtesy to other people.

 

It's also worth remembering that there are a few of us on here who are also carers for our elderly parents, as well as carers for children with ASD.

 

Bid

Edited January 28, 2009 by bid

[Kathryn]

In this case, this women was ignorant and she was selfish. Children, OAPs, NTs, ASD individuals, disabled people, etc etc all have the capacity to be as ignorant and selfish as the next person so I can't see what I did wrong in using these terms here but I am sorry if I offended anyone.

 

I understood you were referring to a specific incident in your post and were not having a go at old people in general, although slipping in a word like old/ black/gay/autistic tends to identifies that particular group of people with the behaviour described. As you rightly say, annoying behaviour and selfishness of this kind is not restricted to old people but comes in all shapes and sizes.

 

Was this an attack? Was it intended as humour? Is humour subjective? Do I set out to offend? Am I usually the first person who I make fun of?

 

Neil - your failure to acknowledge that there might be anything at all offensive in your post confirms my view that ageism is one of the last remaining "acceptable" prejudices in the world.

 

K

[Mumble]

I think this is the central point Kathryn is making...we should extend the same courtesy to other people.

But sweeping generalisations are about groups or an extension from an individual to groups. I was never meaning all old ladies are as this one was (and I'm the first to give up my seat to anyone who needs it) and was only referring to this one. I've said sorry - I didn't ever mean all or to cause offence, I really didn't. but I keep going and managing it without trying.

[Kathryn]

Mumble - see my previous post. It wasn't your post, but The Neil's post following it which I objected to.

 

K

 

 

[bid]

But sweeping generalisations are about groups or an extension from an individual to groups. I was never meaning all old ladies are as this one was (and I'm the first to give up my seat to anyone who needs it) and was only referring to this one. I've said sorry - I didn't ever mean all or to cause offence, I really didn't. but I keep going and managing it without trying.

 

Mumble <'> I echo Kathryn...it was Neil's post that I found offensive

 

Bid

Edited January 28, 2009 by bid

[warrenpenalver]

I think in mumbles words:

 

Don't forget to define your terms.

that way avoids generalisations and offence.

 

Hey we all screw up sometimes.

[TheNeil]

OK it's taken me two days to write a reply to this. It's taken me two days because I have been so deeply hurt and upset by the implication that I might have set out to be offensive.

 

I'll be brutally honest, this thread made me cry. For the first time ever this forum reduced me to tears. Curled up in a ball sobbing my eyes out. For two days I have been at the end of my tether, not sleeping, not eating. Most people will have no idea why that is. They won't know because I'm an intensely private person and I don't post my life publically - that doesn't mean that my life is all 'peaches and cream'. That's my choice and I respect that others have different approaches. This isn't an excuse and it's not some form of 'pity me' but before people judge me I feel that they should understand why am I how I am.

 

I have been through a lot. I know that we all have and most people will be thinking 'Oh he's on about AS'. It's not AS. It's worse than AS and while some may know that I have self-harmed and attempted suicide in the past there are things far, far worse that I've had to deal with and face (some of which are going on right now). Some people on here know some of what I've been through, some will have not the faintest idea. I'm not going into the exact details mainly as I don't want to offend or scare the hell out of anyone (and they really would scare the hell out of most rational people) - let's just say that I've endured some of the worst things that people can do to each other. The one thing though that has kept me going through all of that is my sense of humour. My humour isn't 'conscious' - the subconscious part of my brain says and thinks things that serve not only to make other people laugh but also make me laugh (as I write this I'm having to consciously avoid adding my usual 'japes' - this is too serious an issue to me). Most of the time I can filter it and keep the truly shocking and outrageous things under wraps. Things that would not only have me thrown off this forum but locked up and the key thrown away. My humour is key to me - it has kept me alive (literally at times) and it's the one thing that can't be taken away from me. To be told that it's 'wrong' or 'offensive' hurts. In fact it's like being stabbed through the heart - you're taking away the one thing that I have left in this world.

 

Some times I screw up, I'm only human (only just human some days but still only human) and I will admit when I make a mistake. I also understand that humour is subjective and that my sense of humour is very dark. A lot of things that get posted on here I don't find funny either because it's simply not funny or because it's not what I find funny. I accept this and just ignore it, and move on.

 

Was what I said offensive? Some people may think so. Personally I don't. Difference of opinion. Will I apologise? Well I'll apologise to any pensioners who found it offensive but, as far as I know, the only pensioner who's read it was my mother...and she laughed like a drain.

 

The reason I won't apologise to anyone except a pensioner ties in with the question of whether I would say something similar about a black person or a disabled person. A black person I wouldn't say it about, a disabled person I would. Whoa there with the burning crucifixes though, it's time for 'Let's take a peek into Neil's private life'.

 

My father was disabled. Not ASD disabled but physically disabled. He was ravaged with MS for 25 years and spent the last decade of his life in a wheelchair, incontinent, blind, unable to walk - this a man who was an England rugby schoolboy. Was he a 'lovely' disabled person? The sterotypical 'disabled person' who is 'lovely and sweet' and always 'chirpy'? Was he hell. He was a grumpy, sarcastic older version of me. He would happily make fun of disabled people. He'd laugh himself stupid when I made fun of him. Not because he was insane though but because he was a 'normal' person who simply had a 'problem'. This doesn't give me any sort of right to be offensive towards disabled people and if a disabled person was offended by what I said then I'd apologise immediately. Chances are, I wouldn't say anything offensive in the first place. Strange as it may seem, I don't set out to offend people.

 

What is truly offensive is the way that that man was treated. People asking my mother if he'd like a cup of tea...while he sat in between them. People speaking s-l-o-w-l-y to him - the man had a degree in civil engineering and mathematics and was one of the cleverest people I ever knew. People speaking on his behalf or deciding what was best for him. That's right, people having an opinion on his behalf. If you'd tried that he'd have torn you to pieces. I've watched that happen - watch him glare as he took some neurological 'expert' apart for telling him what he was supposed to do, say or think. I've had to watch him be patronised and ignored. I had to watch my father waste away in front of my eyes, see the pain that it caused my mother and not be able to comfort her in the 'conventional' sense (I now know that it was how AS affects me, at the time I didn't - I was just a confused little boy who couldn't understand why 'mummy' was upset and I wasn't). Instead I used my sense of humour. That sense of humour was questioned (I assume honourably) but the effect it had has been devestating. To accuse someone of being 'offensive' and to imply that they were doing so deliberately is a very grave charge to make. As I said, I cried - I cried a lot.

 

Why am I saying all of this? Well it's because pensioners, like disabled people, can, most of the time, think for themselves - they can form their own opinions about what is and wasn't isn't offensive to them. I asked my mum about this and she was of the same mindset as my dad - don't tell her what her opinion is, she can make her own mind up about what does and what doesn't offend her. Isn't it even more offensive to take away someone's right to make their own decisions and hold their own opinions, to speak for them?

 

I apologise for upsetting anyone with this post and probably sounding like I'm on a rant. I'm not, it's just very hard for me to contain myself and 'open up' in this way - the persona that most people see publically is a long way from the actual person. I certainly don't want pity. Understanding would be nice, but not pity - that's why I keep my life private.

 

I very nearly walked away. None of that 'I'm leaving in a big huff' stuff, just 'never come back'. Obviously I did come back but only because a very good friend asked me to reconsider. There are people on here who I consider to be very close friends, people who I care about. Some people I don't. Some people I can't stand, but I accept that and simply accept that the world is a complex place made up of a myriad of personalities.

 

I come here not primarily for support (that's why I keep my life private) but to try to help and support other people through my experiences and, hopefully, my sense of humour - whether I achieve that I don't know, that would be for other people to say. Given events several months ago I've had to pull back from offering advice and proferring opinion lest I offended anyone. That just left my sense of humour. This thread though, started under the best of intentions, felt, to me, as though that humour, the one thing I had left, was being not only being questioned but actually being called offensive - that I was being called 'offensive', that I would consciously set out to offend people. It's the one thing that I felt I could give to the forum, the one thing that, I hoped, helped to cheer some people up.

 

The post in question had no malice involved, my posts never do (strange as it may seem). To me it was innocent and used grossly exagerated stereotypes that are so far removed from reality that they stop being reality and become near fantasy (picture the 'mad old ladies' in Monty Python - I fail to see the humour but the overblown stereotypes I understand. Is that offensive?). Maybe I was wrong and, as I said earlier, if any pensioner finds what I posted offensive then I apologise unreservedly.

 

I don't make excuses for what I put. This wasn't 'AS', this wasn't a deliberately malicious attack, it wasn't some sort of deep seated resentment of pensioners, it was just my sense of humour, and I'm sorry if not everybody shares that sense of humour (I would have thought that after nearly three years my sense of humour would have been understood at the very least) - if we were all the same then the world would be a very dull place. I make mistakes, I'm not perfect and I'd love to meet anyone who claimed that they were.

 

There, I've said my piece and I fully expect to get a kicking over it - I hope I don't but I won't be surprised if I do. I hope that people understand and aren't so quick to judge me or others in the future. I don't expect 'carte blanche' to be able to say whatever I like - no one has that right. Similarly no one has the right to reduce a grown man to tears.

[Kathryn]

Neil. I'm sorry for your emotional pain, really I am. I was in tears allyesterday evening and this morning over an incident at work so I understand the feeling. I hpope you feel better soon.

 

However if your reaction is this extreme, I suggest you look elsewhere for the root cause rather than attributing it to one very straightforward objection made to one of your posts. That smacks of emotional blackmail.

 

 

How often do people here attack the world at large for making sweeping, ill considered generalisations about people with AS? Why should older people be considered fair game for this kind of attack? Sorry Neil buit I find your post offensive.

 

 

 

Neil - your failure to acknowledge that there might be anything at all offensive in your post confirms my view that ageism is one of the last remaining "acceptable" prejudices in the world.

 

K

 

 

 

I stand by what I said in my posts above. Even if you couldn't see my point, a simple acknowledgement of the fact of having caused offence would have sufficed.

 

You're entitled to your views and I'm not even going to begin to engage in a discussion with you as I disagree with you on so many levels I would be at it the rest of the night trying to type a response to your last post . We are obviously poles apart on this issue.

 

I realise in retrospect that the word "attack" in my first post was a bit strong and I shouldn't have used it. It implied an intention to hurt which I never thought was the case. That I will apologise for, but I stand by the sentinent.

 

I'm not going to discuss it further on the public forum.

 

K

[TheNeil]

Again, I get it wrong.

 

I'm sorry if it came across as 'emotional blackmail' - that wasn't how it was intended. I merely wanted to show why this is such an emotive issue for me and how important it is to me.

 

Truce? Agree to disagree?

[Kathryn]

Again, I get it wrong.

 

I'm sorry if it came across as 'emotional blackmail' - that wasn't how it was intended. I merely wanted to show why this is such an emotive issue for me and how important it is to me.

 

Truce? Agree to disagree?

 

 

Agree to disagree indeed. We have strong views and we see it differently. And it's a personal view, at least one person agrees with me here but I accept that others may not.

 

I'm sorry for any implication that you were offensive or malicious in your post. I fully understood that there was a humorous intent.

 

Truce.

 

K x

[TheNeil]

Agree to disagree indeed. We have strong views and we see it differently. And it's a personal view, at least one person agrees with me here but I accept that others may not.

 

I'm sorry for any implication that you were offensive or malicious in your post. I fully understood that there was a humorous intent.

 

Truce.

 

K x

Truce

[bid]

As the other person who found your humour offensive can I just say that I helped care for my dad after he suffered a severe stroke which led to vascular dementia.

 

My mum is also physically disabled by a degenerative neurological condition. My thread about her here tells a little bit about her life now.

 

Humour is indeed a personal thing.

 

Bid

Edited January 31, 2009 by bid