Behaviour difficulties

[Blp]

My son is 12 (13 this year) but academically he is about 7. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at the end of last year but has had difficulties since he was 4yrs old! He has expressive and receptive language delays and behaviour problems associated with frustration.

 

I have learned a lot off this forum including to say things in short easy sentences such as instead of saying 'how many times have I got to tell you - no shouting' I would now say 'no shouting' and I have found he responds better to it.

 

The frustrating part is the fact that he finds it difficult understanding the correct behaviour expected of him and regularly gets frustrated to the point he storms off banging doors etc. Social skills are very immature.

 

He's never spoken in a quiet voice it's always been shouting or shouting, nothing in between!! His poor sister puts up with a lot with him (she's 8- NT) but she is very understanding. He has been told he has Aspergers by myself, but I am now finding it hard to explain exactly what it is without frightening him.

He worries and gets scared about the slightest thing which results in him picking the skin on his fingers until they bleed - the lastest being the way his body is changing (he's going through the first stage of puberty!).

 

The good thing about this forum is that after reading other posts I don't feel so alone as I tend to bottle things up, my partner is not my 12 & 8 yr olds dad so don't feel I want to burden him with my worries although he is fantastic with them. His dad is still on the scene but is as much use as a chocolate teapot!

 

I've got loads to talk about and I am jumping about a lot with what I've got to say sorry (heads in a bit of a mess at the minute!) , anyone know if/where I could self refer for counselling for my son and myself without going to my GP? CAMHS not very helpful for us and how I go about getting an outreach worker involved as they sound helpful?

 

Better come up for air now!! lol

[bid]

On quick thought about explaining his Aspergers to him...

 

There are a number of very good books for kids about their autism/AS. My son is an adult now, but I'm sure others could suggest titles, or you can search as there are other threads about this type of book.

 

One of the good things about a book is that he can read it as many times as he likes rather than trying to remember things you might have told him.

 

Bid

[westie]

You can self refer to a counsellor if you pay for it yourself. Look for a counsellor who is registered/ accredited by the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy)

 

You can also phone the NAS database of counsellors and counselling services (for details of counsellors across the UK who have experience of counselling people with an ASD) tel 0845 070 4004

 

 

We have struggled for a long time with eldest having behaviour difficulties. Maybe social stories would be worth a try - Carol Gray has written books on this topic, and I am sure others on here may have used them with their children. Perhaps some visual reminders (or lists if he prefers to read rather than visual prompt) may help with remembering key things.

 

There is also a book called Aspergers - what does it mean to me? it is a workbook explaining self awareness and life lessons to the child or youth with high functioning autism or aspergers. It is fairly expensive but has lots of chapters, including ways of thinking, people, understanding, thoughts, communication, school, friends, feeling upset to name a few. You can pick and choose which bits are relevant to your son. Each chapter has a number of worksheets for the child to complete to help them understand things, and explain how they feel. At the end of each chapter is a section with info. for the caregiver, which explains purpose of each chapter and how to use the info.

 

In the "friends" section for example, it has a part on how to be a good sport, teams, a friend coming to my house, getting along with a friendplaying with friends, pretend play, playing outside. It has info and pictures and parts to complete to make it relevant to them.

 

In the introduction section it has sections called "autism is another thing about me", what is autism, and why do I have autism, and was I born with autism. They may help you to explain to your son what it is. There are also some "siblings" booklets by Julie Davies which can be bought from a centre in Nottingham. These explain autism and aspergers and these may help him to understand things (and his sister too) I have a brill one about PDA which I got from the Elizabeth Newson centre in Nottingham (Sutherland House is the school that is part of this centre) - the info for siblings booklets are also helpful for family members to read. Link below is to full list of publications from the centre they are not too expensive.

 

http://www.sutherlandhouse.org.uk/docs/Pub...list-Sept07.pdf

 

 

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In terms of helping my son to manage his anger I bought a good book called "Anger Management, a practical guide for Teachers, parents and carers" which had some worksheets at the back and I managed to sit down with my son and do at a rate of about one a week.

 

They are staged, so first one looks at what makes you angry - is a list then space to write down other things your child may feel angry about. Next worksheet is "how do you feel when you are angry" - again a list and space to add your own things to. Next worksheet looks at particular scenarios, and what thoughts about them would make you angry, then other ways to think about it that would not make you angry - for example teacher ignores you when you ask something - angry thoughts would be "she hates me" or things on those lines, non angry feelings are that "she is distracted by something else", "she did not hear me" - again there is list of scenarios, a couple of completed examples and then others are for you to discuss with the child. Then next worksheet are looking at things you can do when you are angry (obviously that are acceptable/ do not hurt others) - again it is a couple of suggestions then space so you and yr child can discuss. Next sheet looks at the last time your child got mad. It has questions to complete, what happened, what did you do well? What did not go so well? What could you do next time?

 

I did one each week, it was quite hard as he hates talking about things like this but we did perservere and I think it helped him to get thinking about it and has helped some. There is lots of other info in the book, its for older children about 8 plus I would say in terms of the worksheets, but there are tips for anger in preschoolers, primary age and teenage children.

 

I know yr son is 12, If you/ anyone want worksheets for younger children there is a book called "a volcano in my tummy" that has similar type worksheets but for children a bit younger - format of this book implies more for a school/ group discussion but I think they could be used for 1:1 work, or perhaps with a sibling??

 

Perhaps you could loan the books you may be interested in from a library to have a look and see if it is any use? - I am sure libraries can order them from british library if they do not have a copy yet?! or sometimes ASD groups may have these books to loan to parents (parent partnership in my area had books and other resourses for parents to loan for a time, and when I did the earlybird course they also had a collection of books to loan to parents on the course).

 

Sorry post is so long!

Take care, Deb

 

[Kazzen161]

Depending on what you want from the counselling, Relate offer counselling for familes. I went with the boys. It was not for things directly realted to AS, but more to do with the family issues around it.

 

[Blp]

Hi there,

 

Thanks for all your replies. <'>

 

I will go to the local library to see what books they have on Aspergers and will try some of the ones that have been mentioned in your replies. Even though my son is 12 he has difficulty reading although his reading age is 6-7yrs. Obviously I will read them with him and hopefully the younger aged books will suit.

 

Also I'm hoping to find a book for his sister to help her understand why he acts the way he does.

 

What I think I need to do is deal with 1 thing at a time - at the moment so many things are coming to my mind to chat about I'm a bit overwhelmed!

I'm going to deal with explaining Aspergers to him and my daughter first and go from there.

 

 

[westie]

Hi there,

 

 

Also I'm hoping to find a book for his sister to help her understand why he acts the way he does.

 

I think the siblings booklet I mentioned in my reply previously might help you with this, but sure there are other books out there which others could recommend to help with this.

 

Good luck. It is all a bit overwhelming at times, your approach to it seems sensible.

 

Got to go, youngest is having hysterics due, I think, to being tired. For last few hours he been alternating between hyperactive running around to sobbing hysterically.....