How can he be terrible one day and great the next

[Sooze2]

Is he just playing a game with us? I'm begining to doubt my sanity! Yesterday he threw a chair because he lost a game in PE today he is fine. Last week he was head banging a wall in class then he's fine.

 

What is going on. Am I mad to be waiting for his (possible) statement, to have phoned autism outreach so they can give school strategies on how to deal with him because he's not coping when today he has been a little saint. Even DH was very worried yesterday and he never worries about anything.

 

I feel like I should just back off and let him get on with it and perhaps he will just be a regular kid!

 

What is it with this Jeckle and Hyde thing. Am I insane, he's done this for years so I should be used to it by now but I still doubt my sanity and think Ive just imagined it all!!!

 

Just editing to say that he starts meds on Saturday for ADHD and now I'm wondering if he even needs them and he's just been having us on and laughing about it with his mates in a guess what I did today and got away with type of thing! Told his mates mum about meds because she has him at her house sometimes and she looked totally shocked.

 

Thanks for reading - feel better now!

Edited February 12, 2009 by Sooze2

[JsMum]

When you say jackle and hyde, do you mean once he has lost control and expressed his frustration he is fine until something else upsets him.

 

Once we have headbutted, kicked, punched, got mad, its over and done with, until it happens again.

 

May be looking at anger management may help him control his reactions better.

 

It sounds like he really needs to vent his anger first, so for him its action, punching, headbutting ect.....

 

I know others don't agree but with J I know a punch bag really helped J get rid of instant anger, to really let it all out, would you be interested in something along these lines if it where in a safe and supervised enviroement.

 

J has a free standing punch bag from a martial arts website.

 

He also has other anger release equitment, Booklets and activity booklets.

 

My view is he is expressing his feelings but they are disruptive and getting him further frustrated.

 

Also when Js in a rage, (not often now) he is in a what seems a blind fury and often cant remember his actions or how angry he felt, which is why is so surprised when he sees things he has broken or dented.

 

JsMum

 

Edited February 12, 2009 by JsMum

[Diane]

My DS has displayed the Jekyl and Hyde syndrome in the past.

 

No I do not believe he is playing a game with you. My DS did this because he did not understand something but once he was ok with whatever it was he would be ok with us all and yes it is like someone flicking a switch.

 

As he has learnt strategies for dealing with issues we have seen less and less of this behaviour.

 

Hope this helps

 

[Suze]

My son has extremes , but these seem to occur more emotionally, and will change drastically from one day to the next.One day he will be vergimng on clinical depression, won,t talk or communicate etc, the next day he will be hyper talk incessantly and stim all day.There does,nt seem much in between, however we are going through puberty too and this is also having an affect

[Karen A]

Hi.Is it possible that the good and bad days could relate to how things are at school ? Ben can vary a lot.On a good day a professional observing might not spot that Ben needs any extra support.On a bad day he can become so unsettled that he can disrupt half of the school.Invariably there is a reason for the bad day.It is just difficult becuase the trigger may be a small change in routine or a problem.Ben is not always even able to identify the cause of the stress until later.

I am not suggesting that the difficult behaviour is ok.We have worked with Ben to help him find apppropriate ways to manage his frustration and anxiety.However increased awareness regarding possible causes of anxiety and improved communication between school and ourselves regarding changes in routine has helped.Karen.

[joanne1]

I know just how you feel. My son, 13 is the same. I don't why but one minute he ok and the next you can see a change in him and sometimes don't want approach situations because I know it will be a really negative response.

 

He can have an outburst, which a couple of weeks ago he did. And it upset the whole family for a week. But after that he was fine for a week. As if he felt better!!! Got rid of alot of anger.

 

And now we can him going down again. He is abrupt when you speak to him and seems highly strung. I can't give you any advice but you are not alone. I wish I knew some answers but next time we go to the clinic I am going to mention it and see if there is anything we do such as anger management or something. We see the change in him from week to week, he is up and down and we don't know if we are coming or going. I sometimes wonder if he is depressed without him knowing it. There are just no answers and he couldn't tell us either.

 

Joanne

 

[bikemad]

Another one here...one day he is ok n looks angelic but then the next day he the devils spawn and horrendous.....he seems to alter according to whats happening that day. Last time we went to camhs he trashed the place but the time before sat there like a little lamb engrossed on his ds.

[Mum22]

Been there, doing that!

 

Son number 2 and his changeable temperament can have me needing to kick and scream on the floor! And I can't get over his tempers as quickly as he can somedays (or most actually!). I'm left really frustrated sometimes when he is totally calm and happy after the event. Takes me a lot longer to calm down again internally, though I might be dealing normally on the outside.

 

And then he'll have a good day, be nice to people and make me wonder if I'm imagining it all!

[Esty]

And another one here! We were told categorically it wasn't depression becasue of how quickly it changed eg daily, hourly whereas depression would last for weeks without him getting happier. We can tell now when it's going to happen ( there's abuild up, starts with being mean to his brother and tears over nothing, builds to meltdowns where he will switch all the fuses because 'if he can't do what he wants, he'll make sure no-one else in the house can either'. We don't even try to talk sense into him at this point, don't organise things, make changes etc at that time because we know he'll automatically refuse to co-operate and also deny later that any agreements/ arrangements ever took place. I just have to remain calm and often repeat the same thing many many times until he gets it. We call it 'being high' in our house - we say to him you are being high and not reacting as you would normally do. I swear his eyes change shade when he's like it, his whole face and body language alters and there is no getting through to him - just have to weather it until it passes, as quickly as it started. Like other parents, I'll still be thinking, 'what a little demon' and he'll nice as pie come and ask me to play a game or help him with something. You unfortunately have to just swallow the hurt and get on with it, but God knows it ain't easy sometimes.

[Sooze2]

And another one here! We were told categorically it wasn't depression becasue of how quickly it changed eg daily, hourly whereas depression would last for weeks without him getting happier. We can tell now when it's going to happen ( there's abuild up, starts with being mean to his brother and tears over nothing, builds to meltdowns where he will switch all the fuses because 'if he can't do what he wants, he'll make sure no-one else in the house can either'. We don't even try to talk sense into him at this point, don't organise things, make changes etc at that time because we know he'll automatically refuse to co-operate and also deny later that any agreements/ arrangements ever took place. I just have to remain calm and often repeat the same thing many many times until he gets it. We call it 'being high' in our house - we say to him you are being high and not reacting as you would normally do. I swear his eyes change shade when he's like it, his whole face and body language alters and there is no getting through to him - just have to weather it until it passes, as quickly as it started. Like other parents, I'll still be thinking, 'what a little demon' and he'll nice as pie come and ask me to play a game or help him with something. You unfortunately have to just swallow the hurt and get on with it, but God knows it ain't easy sometimes.

Edited February 15, 2009 by Sooze2

[Sooze2]

My boy to a T.

 

 

[Lisa40]

My daughter as well. Ever to angry one minute and can be destructive and then fine as if nothing has happened. She is 16 next month and we were also told adolesence will play a part, but the mood swings are terible. I sometimes get so stressed out as I never know what mood she will be in when I get home. I get constant calls throughout the day at work, sometimes in anger, then later she is contrite. We are going to a course next month run by the NAS about Anger in Aspergers Children and we are hoping for some tips in how to cope.

[Mumble]

For me, it can look like I'm 'awful' one day/moment and 'fine' the next, because if the awful really is awful and leads to meltdown, that meltdown is the release that I needed of everything building up inside me that I couldn't cope with and that I couldn't express in any 'normal' way. No it's not ideal at all, and really I need help to (and I need others to) recognise the signs way way before things build up to that point (because after a certain point there really is only the meltdown outcome ). Being so up and down is certainly a sign for me that things aren't right because I can't avoid the crashes when the build up gets too much. The 'great the next day' is then initially the exhaustion following meltdown and (if things haven't been sorted) the low rumblings in the initial stages of the stress building up again and the cycle beginning again.

 

[Natbasher]

[

What is going on. Am I mad to be waiting for his (possible) statement, to have phoned autism outreach so they can give school strategies on how to deal with him because he's not coping when today he has been a little saint. Even DH was very worried yesterday and he never worries about anything.

 

I feel like I should just back off and let him get on with it and perhaps he will just be a regular kid! ]

I felt that way for ages. My son can even have a (relatively) calm 2 or 3 weeks on end and I used to think "Oh thank god, he's growing out of it", then BANG! - back to square one and a nightmare fortnight ensues! Even the paediatrician has noted his "unusual behaviour spikes" but can't offer any suggestions as to why they happen. We've tried ruling things out eg. foods, different teachers, term/holiday time, family stress etc but can find absolutely no linking factor, so like everything else we're just trying to learn to accept it. I know what you mean about the statement thing though - It's so frustrating when you finally get some proffessional to see your child after sending them reams of notes about their behavioural difficulties then they behave like a perfect angel in front of them !

Edited February 19, 2009 by Natbasher