I don't want DD to be like me!

[bid]

My eldest DD is very spectrumy, and has visual and auditory processing problems, but excells at school and has good mates, etc..and has just won a public speaking competition for her school.

 

But, DH has just told me that the other night when I was at work and he had some mates round, DD came into the kitchen and started talking to him. Best Mate Man had his back to them, and afterwards told DH that he could have sworn it was me talking as DD's mannerisms, intonation, etc, were exactly like mine

 

This has upset me sooo much I don't want her to be like me. I have always thought she is everything I wasn't when I was a teenager. I want her to blend in with everyone, not stick out like I do And increasingly people are saying how much she looks like me too...I don't want this either! I have always been non-descript verging on plain.

 

I so wanted all my children to be nothing like me! I can't express how much this has upset me.

 

Sorry, sorry...only place to moan

 

Bid

[lbj]

I do understand what you're feeling (I think!) and I'm not sure what to say except that if she has good friends and is doing well at school then presumably she's reasonably comfortable with who she is regardless of who she resembles. I'm sure she thinks the world of you and wouldn't mind having features in common with you but I can sort of see that if I were in your position that wouldn't quite be the point. But the main thing is if she's happy and from the way you describe her she sounds happy.

 

janine

[bid]

Even as a child I was dimly aware that I spoke differently to other children (looking back I think it was that classic AS thing of sounding like a mini-professor). When I was about 10 I remember I saw my grown up cousin and her boyfriend, and as I was leaving I heard the boyfriend ask my cousin why I spoke so oddly

 

When I was about a year older than my DD I was publically ridiculed by a whole party of teenagers for being ugly and odd I still feel sick when I think about it now

 

I just don't want my DD to be like this

 

Bid

Edited February 28, 2009 by bid

[Tally]

Just because your daughter has things in common with you does not necessarily mean she is going to have all the same difficulties as you. It is normal for children to take after their parents, and your daughter may have inherited these characteristics, they may not be linked to autism at all. My dad has often called me by my mum's name. Sometimes when my mum hears me walking through the house she calls out to ask if it's my dad too

 

I don't think it is a bad thing if she looks like you either.

[warrenpenalver]

It is well known that children follow thier parents and other social cues with many manerisms etc.

 

Bid i think you are excessively harsh on your self.

 

You are NOT ugly. I know its hard to forget when people say bad things but mostly they lie especially when they are being nasty and trying to hurt like bullies do.

[call me jaded]

Could I just remind you that your DD is being compared to you as you are now when you've left all that teenage awkwardness behind you.

 

My own 9 y/o DD is a mini-me. I'm hoping the well disguised horror I feel at being the centre of attention passes her by...

[Kathryn]

You are not nondescript verging on plain and neither is your daughter. For what it's worth I think she looks more like her dad and DD2 looks more like you - just my opinion, and none of you can be described as plain or ugly.

 

You had horrible experiences when you were young but try to put them behind you. Teenagers with the pack mentality are horrible and will find a vulnerability in someone, whatever it is.

 

As you say she has good friends and is doing well so no reason to worry - more a reason to congratulate yourself for being a good parent. She may turn out a bit like you - after all she has half your genes- but why should the similarities be all negative? She's probably inherited all kinds of wonderful qualities from you.

 

K x

[bid]

Thank you all.

 

If it had been the odd thing, I don't think it would have affected me like this, but it was a constant theme throughout my childhood/adolescence ('nice legs, shame about the face' shouted at me in the street, etc). Even as an adult people have made it perfectly plain to me as well.

 

TBH, I hate going out in public, I hate mirrors, I particularly hate supermarkets as I feel people are looking at me.

 

Anyway, thank you for listening.

 

Bidx

Edited March 1, 2009 by bid

[Mumble]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I feel people are looking at me.

I don't think that's the AS per se but an older condition believed to effect approx 49% of the world's population - being female Plus you have one up on lots of people - how many do you know with an official CWD dx? :lol: (I'm not being flippant btw - I hope it doesn't come across like that <'> )