when strangers ask your children questions.

[JsMum]

 

Jay was asked some questions that I felt was personal and could pose him at risk if too much information was shared, thankfully J couldnt answer due to his impaired language skills, but if he had of done I wouldnt of been happy, what do you do to teach your children not to answer certain questions, Js so literal and would give away every personal information if a adult asked because J wouldnt think of the consequences.

 

What do you tell your children if adults are asking personal questions about them.

 

JsMum

 

[bikemad]

Thanks for asking this cos its a problem ive got with J.....if someone asked were he lived he wouldn't tell them the village but the entire address!!!! I have just told him he does not tell anyone any info about were we live, his school, anything about him etc unless it is a family member or a police man.

[isme]

We have the same issue here! I have no idea what to tell him either..

[Kazzen161]

I have heard it suggested that you tell your child only to go with an adult if they know the (agreed) code word - perhaps you could adapt that and say only give your name/tel number/address if the person gives the code word? It wouldn't work with the police, but I am sure they would get round it if necessary.

 

I purposely did not teach T our address or phone number when he was young, because I knew he would tell everyone.

[westie]

not sure myself. he recently joined this lego forum where you can join and chat to other members and it made me think because he was not really sure what to post about

 

I told him he was not to put any info. about himself where he lived, school name etc but not sure if he took it in, and have no idea about what would happen if it was someone who was speaking to him face to face as not sure he would use the same guidelines.

 

(I also had to tell him that replies he put on the forum should really be relevant to the topic posted, rather than just one word messages that have no connection to the post, such as "Hi", "Cool", "ok" etc etc etc. as people may not understand what/ why he is posting )

he kind of lost interest in posting after a day which is a relief for me (sure once he a teenager he will have renewed interest in messaging etc., then i wont have a clue what he is posting as all teens seem to use another language in posting/ messaging their friends !)

[Sooze2]

He probably wouldn't answer them, he has only just started talking to his best freind of 2 year's mum and he goes to his house every week!

 

Anyway, Ive told my kids that if anyone asks them anything they didn't like that they aren't to answer and they are to tell me or someone I trust about it. If the person tells them not to tell anyone then they must deffinately tell me as soon as possible even if its a family member or friend of ours basically anyone other than me! lol.

 

Not thought about the address thing though. Told them not to talk to adults they don't know unless there is an emergency, not to go to a person asking for direction's car, never to accept sweets off adults when on there own (not that they are on their own yet), not going off to see any sweet little bunnies! PMSL

Edited March 2, 2009 by Sooze2

[JsMum]

 

 

 

The thing is though sooze2 If a van full of puppies were in it and a stranger showed him and told him he could go for a ride, Jay would go, even though we have talked about strangers before, he has already been told not to share personal info, and he doesnt go on the net forums yet as he cant read and write, and Im kinda relieved otherwise Im sure he would divulge a lot of personal info.

 

He carrys a special needs card and that has my details but not his.

 

Im kinda of worried about the police issue as well because all the man would need to do is say I am a police man and then J would go on to give details, just because the man has said he is a policeman.

 

Its such a worry isnt it, and its made me realise what to ask when I meet children I dont know as I am a stranger to them.

 

JsMum

 

 

[Sooze2]

I don;t think my lot would, they are all quite shy not scared because of me but naturally shy. DS doesn't really talk to anyone he doesn't know really well and that seems to be getting worse!

 

ITs a hard one with Jay though isn't it, all you can do is keep reinforcing it and if you think he would still do it then maybe even shock him a bit with some example or other. How old is he?

 

A freind recently told their 6 year old off for answering the door saying that it could have been a stranger and they could have been snatched! These are very intelegent people and I think they said it because she has been told so many times not to do that they had to scare her a bit if you see what I mean. My front door is always locked due to a habit I got into when DS used to either escape or stand and wee so he could watch it run down the steps so thats not a problem here at the mo! Anyway what I'm saying is that sometimes scareing them a little bit may work!

[NobbyNobbs]

we taught our ASD 8 year old to 'actively identify' people before giving out any information. that meant she had to think about who the person was. then ask to see their ID. anyone 'official' should have a form of ID, and we taught her the kinds she would see that meant it was okay to talk to that person. ie, police ID meant that they had to have numbers on their shoulder, and a badge they would show her. social workers had ID badges with photos and the words social services on etc. although not completely fool-proof, with fake IDs and the like, it narrowed the chances of her giving out information she shouldn't have. we made up a challenge for her and we got the community police women to help. she had to go up to them in the street and ask them for their IDs, so she could look at them and check they were okay. same for the social worker so that she got used to asking them for it. we combined this with some 'what to do if i get lost' lessons, and made a big thing about 'responsible people' who they could trust, and she even wrote a list of everyone she could think of and which side of the telling information line they fell on. it took several weeks of talking about it most dinner times, but in the end we got there. she was completely indiscriminate and would go up to anyone and happily do whatever they wanted before.

[sadie]

Crikey! Not addressed this problem yet and DD is now 14. I am sure too that she would tell an adult any information requested.... and yet am loathe to push the stranger /danger thing too much.... but perhaps I ought to as DD is very very vulnerable. Time to put on my thinking cap it seems...

[JsMum]

Thankyou for all your replys, it made me realise that in a way J just doesnt understand the meaning of a stranger, if an adult is been friendly and asking him questions he isnt understanding it is someone he doesnt know, so were going to tackle the word stranger first, and try and get him to understand what that means, Ive come across this website that is for children staying safe from bullying to abuse to stranger danger, the downloads are in different formats of different special needs, there good, so sharing them, there aimed at teachers, but there is nothing stopping me having a go at home with him on a one to one, or bringing in his sessional worker to support us.

 

Anyway here is the link,

 

http://www.staysafe.ie/index.htm

 

http://www.staysafe.ie/DL%20SSPDL.htm this was the link that directs you straight to the programmes.

 

I am then going to look at questions he can answer and questions he doesnt.

 

Thanks for the ideas of going to the police too as I will enquire about that, Im going to do a bit more research and contact NAS and Contact a family too on the issues of strangers and special needs, J is extreamly vulnerable, not just with adults but other young people, One of the main targets for J is to interact more and enhance his communication but if he shares certain information this could lead him in danger so I want to support him but not scare him and become isolated.

 

JsMum.

 

Edited March 4, 2009 by JsMum

[Sooze2]

Also I ve just found this info in one of the girls book bags.

 

Its called Milly's fund and it's "promoting personal safety for children and young adults"

 

www.millysfund.org.uk

 

Am I allowed to post websites?