Really Bad Morning

[NickyB]

Hi all

 

Little DS had a major meltdown this morning, because he wanted to take a car to school, and I didn't want him to. Whenever he's taken them before, it's always ended up causing problems becuse of other children playing with it, losing it etc. Anyway, he decided it was a good idea to open the front door and run up to school. I had to chase after him, and thankfully he stopped at the main road. I got very angry and upset, and everyone was looking (not that that bothers me very much)

 

Then when I finally got him in to class, he wasn't the first one to arrive (usually I get him in early). He then ran in to the school hall and refused to move. I had to take something into my other son's class, and I told his teacher I would come back and talk to him. When I came back he was gone, and we couldn't find him anywhere. We had most of the staff, and some parents looking for him, and eventually he was found in the toilets. Then I burst into tears - not really becuse we'd lost him, because I knew he couldn't get out of the school. I think it was more to do with the relentless pressure which builds up day by day, without you even realising. I think the worry of losing him just 'set me off' if that makes sense

 

Then I saw the head teacher in the playground, and she told me that his behaviour has become more and more challenging lately, which nobody has mentioned to me. Apparently, he's becoming more physically aggressive at school, which is completely opposite to how he's become at home - he doesn't kick or hit at home any more. I asked why no-one has told me this until now, and she said that they don't want to be too negative about him and constantly be giving me bad news. I do understand that, but I pointed out that I do need to know so that I can support them in trying to change his behaviour.

 

So now I don't really know what to do. They are in the process of applying for a statement, but that takes a long time. I'm beginning to think that he's not suited to mainstream school, and I'd like to look into other schools which have ASD units. I'm not really sure where to start with that, so if anyone's got any advice, that would be great

 

Also, he's always displayed the same behaviour at home and school until now, so I'm wondering why his behaviour has deteriorated at school but improved at home. Any ideas?

 

Sorry that turned into a very long post - I think I've been bottling a lot of stuff up. What would I do without this forum?

 

Thanks for reading

 

Nicky

[dana]

Hi Nicky B,

I dont have any advise to give but I wont you to know that I feel for you and wish situation gets better soon.You are not alone! My sons behaviour is better at home then at school . <'> >< <'>

 

danaxxx

[westie]

Hi all

 

Little DS had a major meltdown this morning, because he wanted to take a car to school, and I didn't want him to. Whenever he's taken them before, it's always ended up causing problems becuse of other children playing with it, losing it etc. Anyway, he decided it was a good idea to open the front door and run up to school. I had to chase after him, and thankfully he stopped at the main road. I got very angry and upset, and everyone was looking (not that that bothers me very much)

 

Then when I finally got him in to class, he wasn't the first one to arrive (usually I get him in early). He then ran in to the school hall and refused to move. I had to take something into my other son's class, and I told his teacher I would come back and talk to him. When I came back he was gone, and we couldn't find him anywhere. We had most of the staff, and some parents looking for him, and eventually he was found in the toilets. Then I burst into tears - not really becuse we'd lost him, because I knew he couldn't get out of the school. I think it was more to do with the relentless pressure which builds up day by day, without you even realising. I think the worry of losing him just 'set me off' if that makes sense

 

Then I saw the head teacher in the playground, and she told me that his behaviour has become more and more challenging lately, which nobody has mentioned to me. Apparently, he's becoming more physically aggressive at school, which is completely opposite to how he's become at home - he doesn't kick or hit at home any more. I asked why no-one has told me this until now, and she said that they don't want to be too negative about him and constantly be giving me bad news. I do understand that, but I pointed out that I do need to know so that I can support them in trying to change his behaviour.

 

So now I don't really know what to do. They are in the process of applying for a statement, but that takes a long time. I'm beginning to think that he's not suited to mainstream school, and I'd like to look into other schools which have ASD units. I'm not really sure where to start with that, so if anyone's got any advice, that would be great

 

Also, he's always displayed the same behaviour at home and school until now, so I'm wondering why his behaviour has deteriorated at school but improved at home. Any ideas?

 

Sorry that turned into a very long post - I think I've been bottling a lot of stuff up. What would I do without this forum?

 

Thanks for reading

 

Nicky

 

Sorry its been a bad morning <'> , sometimes when its been building up for a while the little things turn into the straw that broke the camels back. My little (ASD) son also fond of carrying things round (even more so last couple of weeks for some reason) and in his nursery class it helps that each "group" (its a nursery class, 3 groups in the class overseen by teacher or nursery nurse) have a box into which any items a child takes to school have to be put in there till end of day.

 

Because its enforced for everyone and my son knows where the item is and no one else can use it he puts stuff in there and gets it back and he seems to deal with it. Last week at Tumbletots it was different story, over him not wanting to put down a box or raisins. He either dropped them out of his pocket or they took them off him, and he threw himself on floor in front of equipment and no amount of persuading could bring him round so we had to leave early... Also he has been going out the front door on his own recently and taking himself to neighbours without even mentioning to me, so now am locking it to prevent him escaping. They are a real worry aren't they??. Can remember last week standing outside neighbours with tears in my eyes and feeling really low about things.

 

As to why your has got better at home and not school, cant be sure but:

Do you have any ideas what has/ may have caused the changes at home firstly?

Are you using different "handling" techniques (you may not even realise sometimes, as this is the "norm" for you so sometimes you/ the family adjust your behaviour and lifestyle to fit what you know he can cope with and what will make it easiest for you?), are using calendars or visual aids or something to calm him at home? are there only older children or adults around him at home?, is it quieter than it used to be?

perhaps if you can identify something different at home then you can question, "are they doing that at school as well?" and this may help you find one/ some possible reasons why he may be happier at home and not school.

 

He is obviously very stressed, How long has he been at school? I agree its not helpful if they hold back from telling you thinks such as the increase in aggressive behaviour. Could they do a weekly diary or something? I remember when my eldest started school they kept an "intervention diary" detailing the incidents each day.

 

I still have a copy of it now and remember once looking through it and tallying up how many "hitting", "biting", "throwing" incidents they had in a specific number of days (sept. to end Jan as he first started school. They used this as evidence towards maintaining his statement hours. So you could sell it to school like that - evidence towards his statement and also you could look at end of week - I go at end of each week to see eldests teacher and also ask about youngest on a regular basis, they may get fed up sometimes but at least I can then try and work with them to help, like you say, when things are not going so well.

 

It is a really good idea to start researching schools with ASD units so you can name on on the statement if you think they may be better suited. Are you in contact with any parents of ASD children in your areas? Or is there a "parent partnership" (work for council, impartial and give advice about schools and statements to parents of kids with special educational needs) or a local NAS branch - they may help you to identify appropriate schools or give you opportunity to speak to other parents??

 

My local council website lists schools in area, including "special schools" thought not sure whether it easy to see which mainstream schools have ASD resource units (so you could check yr local council website they may have similar, also you could get parent partnership contact details, for my area they have a section about "special educational needs and it tells you about parent partnership there).

 

The NAS website may have a list in their directory so you can have a look there.

 

Take care, hope things seem brighter later on and that yr son is a bit happier too X Also sorry for long reply, I get carried away!

[NickyB]

thank you dana and westie. As always, it's good to know I'm not alone

 

We have actually been a bit tougher with him at home recently, and after an initial period of worsening behaviour, he started to get the idea. I've spoken to his teacher about what I do at home, and as far as I'm aware it's being done at school too. I can only imagine that the added stresses of a very noisy class (they have many more boys than girls, and they are very lively ), is too much for him.

 

I'm going to request a meeting and I will check that we are all using the same techniques. I will mention a home/school diary, and how it may help them to get a statement. I know they keep a a note of things that happen in the classroom, but I don't get a copy.

 

Thanks for the advice about ASD schools - I'll look into that.

 

<'>

[JsMum]

 

 

I personally would write all that you have described in a letter and send it to the LEA special Needs department, his behaviour has deteriated and this needs urgent attention and support in place as soon as possible, if you write it formally you have voiced your concerns and the LEA should act on it, though I know there is a possiblity they may do nothing, you have done all you can for your son.

 

Keep a very detailed diary for the next week, and then send this in to the LEA too, try and get the school to keep a diary and to do some observations.

 

I always recommend a ABC chart, these are good because they look at action taken as well, the ABC charts can be downloaded throw search engine.

 

I would just keep shuggering away, keep supporting your son and ensuring he gets the support in school as soon as possible, it can not be easy for him if his needs are not met and he is clearly stressed at home throw this consequence.

 

I really do hope that things improve soonxxx

 

JsMUMX <'>

 

[NickyB]

I personally would write all that you have described in a letter and send it to the LEA special Needs department, his behaviour has deteriated and this needs urgent attention and support in place as soon as possible, if you write it formally you have voiced your concerns and the LEA should act on it, though I know there is a possiblity they may do nothing, you have done all you can for your son.

 

Keep a very detailed diary for the next week, and then send this in to the LEA too, try and get the school to keep a diary and to do some observations.

 

I always recommend a ABC chart, these are good because they look at action taken as well, the ABC charts can be downloaded throw search engine.

 

I would just keep shuggering away, keep supporting your son and ensuring he gets the support in school as soon as possible, it can not be easy for him if his needs are not met and he is clearly stressed at home throw this consequence.

 

I really do hope that things improve soonxxx

 

JsMUMX <'>

 

Thanks JsMum

 

I had a chat with his class teacher this morning - she is very understanding. She said that she has requested some more help from the head teacher to support him. If that can't be done through current resources, they are going to talk to the LEA. I will keep records of what has happened, and they can use that to support their request if they need to. I have also been in touch with the child develpoment team who first diagnosed him, as I noticed on the report from June 2007 that they said they would review him in 6 months !! I know I should have checked before, but I would think they might have been in touch :wallbash; Of course, there was no-one there who could help me and I've had to leave a message. So I guess I'll be on the phone constantly for the next few days

 

On a brighter note, he did do some literacy tests today, and he 'sailed through them and got extremely high marks' (the teacher's words)

 

Thanks again guys - I feel a bit stronger now

[JsMum]

 

 

just wanted to congratulate your little ds on his tests,

 

and I am so pleased that you feel stronger, that gives us so much motivation and drive you on throw the difficult moments.

 

Its tuff but your doing really well.xxxx

 

JsMumxxxx