Hello, I'm new!

[thomastank]

Hi I'm new! I have a 4 year old son who was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism last year. He is in mainstream primary school for half days. I'm lucky in that his school/teachers are brilliant. At the moment he is toilet training and doing pretty well. However his behaviour is getting worse and today he bit his teacher. He had just hit another child and his teacher was taking him out of the classroom when he lashed out and bit her. I'm just really after behaviour advice really and what to do in these situations? Do I give him time out or what? I've tried so many things and he refuses to sit somewhere still and everything turns into tantrums which go on forever. Please help.

[NickyB]

Hello thomastank and welcome

 

My DS is 6 and has HFA too. He went through a phase of spitting at his teachers and fellow pupils

He seems to move on from one thing to another, as he's stopped doing that now, but throws things and runs off instead

 

Sadly, I can't really offer much advice - we have tried 'social stories', where you write/draw about what's making him anxious and how he might react differently. Unfortunately, he tends to tear those up or throw them in the bin

We had some success with immediately removing him from the situation and allowing him to calm down, then explaining that it is not acceptable to spit or throw. After a while, though he sees even that as being a reward rather than a punishment, as he gets away from whatever was upsetting him - he doesn't seem to care that we are not happy with him.

I wish I could offer you some answers. Hopefully someone else will have some ideas. I'd love to hear them too !!

 

Take care

 

Nicky <'>

[baddad]

Hi I'm new! I have a 4 year old son who was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism last year. He is in mainstream primary school for half days. I'm lucky in that his school/teachers are brilliant. At the moment he is toilet training and doing pretty well. However his behaviour is getting worse and today he bit his teacher. He had just hit another child and his teacher was taking him out of the classroom when he lashed out and bit her. I'm just really after behaviour advice really and what to do in these situations? Do I give him time out or what? I've tried so many things and he refuses to sit somewhere still and everything turns into tantrums which go on forever. Please help.

 

Hi thomasatank, and welcome to the forum

 

I guess it depends what you mean by time out... if you mean just ignoring the behaviour and leaving him alone, then no, absolutely not. He has to know, straight away (so he can connect event/consequence) that the behaviour is unacceotable. If he refuses to sit somewhere still, let him sit somewhere noisy and if he has a tantrum which goes on forever let him have the tantrum and then when it's finished let him sit somewhere noisy. Every time he has a tantrum and you 'give up' on the sanction you reinforce the behaviour and the tantrum, it really, really is that simple. 'Time Out' is a period for reflection and to calm after an event - it is not a 'sanction'. At the moment your son hasn't got the understanding to 'reflect' on his bad behaviour, and he will never develop it without the understanding that the behaviour is unacceptable.

 

Hope that helps

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Oh PS: If he won't sit somewhere still at four, and you don't solve the problem, he won't sit still at 5,6,7, etc etc. Every year, enforcing the sitting still will get harder...

[thomastank]

 

 

Hi there, thanks for your replies. By time out I mean that every time he hits someone at home (usually his sister) I tell him that it is not acceptable and put him in our hallway. He doesn't come out until he has calmed down and then done 4 minutes (he is 4). I then go in and tell him again that hitting is not acceptable and he is allowed out to apologise. If he doesn't want to say sorry he's back in for another 4 etc. I am determined to anything to stop the hitting and put him in the hallway every time and totally agree with you on your PS which is why I am determined to sort this. Am I doing the right thing? At school he gets taken out of lessons and if he hits in the playground he has to sit inside for the rest of lunchtime.

 

[baddad]

Hi there, thanks for your replies. By time out I mean that every time he hits someone at home (usually his sister) I tell him that it is not acceptable and put him in our hallway. He doesn't come out until he has calmed down and then done 4 minutes (he is 4). I then go in and tell him again that hitting is not acceptable and he is allowed out to apologise. If he doesn't want to say sorry he's back in for another 4 etc. I am determined to anything to stop the hitting and put him in the hallway every time and totally agree with you on your PS which is why I am determined to sort this. Am I doing the right thing? At school he gets taken out of lessons and if he hits in the playground he has to sit inside for the rest of lunchtime.

 

That sounds absolutely bang on... i think my son was about that age when we really started working on '1 2 3 magic' (that's two 'warnings' and then the hall - though he would go straight to '3' for major aggression), and we built up to the kind of timescales you mention. Initially it was just until he 'calmed down' (well, stopped kicking the door!) then calm down + 1 and then calm down + 2...

 

The best is the first time they say 'I think I'm going to go up to my room for a while 'cos I need some time out' you know they've cracked it then

 

L&P

 

BD

[thomastank]

That sounds absolutely bang on... i think my son was about that age when we really started working on '1 2 3 magic' (that's two 'warnings' and then the hall - though he would go straight to '3' for major aggression), and we built up to the kind of timescales you mention. Initially it was just until he 'calmed down' (well, stopped kicking the door!) then calm down + 1 and then calm down + 2...

 

The best is the first time they say 'I think I'm going to go up to my room for a while 'cos I need some time out' you know they've cracked it then

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

brilliant, thanks, its just hard because he doesn't get it yet. My 2 year old daughter will sit on a step and walk calmly back in and say sorry, cuddle etc. and even the threat of the step is enough to stop her. At least I know I'm doing the right thing and will be consistant. thanks v much .

[baddad]

brilliant, thanks, its just hard because he doesn't get it yet. My 2 year old daughter will sit on a step and walk calmly back in and say sorry, cuddle etc. and even the threat of the step is enough to stop her. At least I know I'm doing the right thing and will be consistant. thanks v much .

 

Yes, it is hard - on them and us (even when you know you're doing the right thing for the right reasons it still feels crappy sometimes )... your 2 year old is 'getting it' - the concept was much easier for her to grasp - but your son will get it too. In actual fact, the continutity thing is even more important with your son - your daughter would have probably picked it up with an 80/85% 'consistancy pattern'. Your son will need 100%, pretty much, but when the penny drops, and he sees the value of it to him he'll give you that 100% back with interest

 

L&P

 

BD

[LizK]

Hello! I have a 7 year old with HFA. He is generally a placid boy but can be a bit of a hitter.

 

In addition to dealing with the actual hitting it is well worth looking at any triggers for the behaviour. That is not to excuse the poor behaviour but to look at other factors that could be ameliorated which might in turn reduce the behaviour. Is he lashing out at school when it is too noisy, when he is too overloaded, at a perceived injustice, when he has procesed something that might have happened a day ago? Is he being given structure, countdowns to when activities will end and so on. All these sorts of things were triggers for my DS at school. He had a very rocky first couple of terms but patience, consistency and understanding from his teacher along with strategies from Autism Outreach eventually cracked it.

 

At home we did sitting on the step for hitting but it never really worked. He got into such a state that the reason for the sanction was forgotten and his behaviour escalated. What helped most was a reward chart of his current obsession, think it was rockets at that time? He had to get 10 stars on his rocket and got his reward which had to be something that motivated him. On one side were pictures of good behaviour and on the other side were pictures of unacceptable behaviour. If he played nicely with his younger sibling for 5 minutes he got a star. If he hit or poked a star was removed. I know this is not how reward charts are supposed to be used but for my son it was effective as it was very visual, immediate with clear rules and consequences dealing with good as well as poor behaviour.

 

How he's a bit older we do use the step as a sanction as he can still be a bit handy. For DS the one minute per year was too long and found a shorter length of time was effective. Also gave him a timer so he could see the time on the step counting down so knew when he could get off. Telling him the consequence of good behaviour as well as poor behaviour is helpful, I used to say 'if you hit again you will go on the step' and this maybe was a certainty for him so he did it even if the consequence wasn't to his liking. Telling him the consequence of not hitting i.e. you can play gave him another certainty to choose from.

 

He often lashes out now when frustrated, often when provoked by his brother (or perceives he has been LOL!). Hitting is easier than using words. We are trying to model to him the desired way to behave when his brother provokes him i.e. come and tell mummy, say 'stop it' in the hope that he will learn that this is the more appropriate way to deal with these situation. It is slow progress but on a couple of occasions he has managed to hold it together enough to get me instead of lashing out and he's had lots of praise. Your son may be a bit young for this approach, I think with preschoolers the dog training approach is probably more effective LOL but it's worth remembering that our kids sometimes need to be taught the appropriate way to behave in certain situations, that they don't pick up these things instinctively

 

HTH

 

Lx

 

[thomastank]

Hello! I have a 7 year old with HFA. He is generally a placid boy but can be a bit of a hitter.

 

In addition to dealing with the actual hitting it is well worth looking at any triggers for the behaviour. That is not to excuse the poor behaviour but to look at other factors that could be ameliorated which might in turn reduce the behaviour. Is he lashing out at school when it is too noisy, when he is too overloaded, at a perceived injustice, when he has procesed something that might have happened a day ago? Is he being given structure, countdowns to when activities will end and so on. All these sorts of things were triggers for my DS at school. He had a very rocky first couple of terms but patience, consistency and understanding from his teacher along with strategies from Autism Outreach eventually cracked it.

 

At home we did sitting on the step for hitting but it never really worked. He got into such a state that the reason for the sanction was forgotten and his behaviour escalated. What helped most was a reward chart of his current obsession, think it was rockets at that time? He had to get 10 stars on his rocket and got his reward which had to be something that motivated him. On one side were pictures of good behaviour and on the other side were pictures of unacceptable behaviour. If he played nicely with his younger sibling for 5 minutes he got a star. If he hit or poked a star was removed. I know this is not how reward charts are supposed to be used but for my son it was effective as it was very visual, immediate with clear rules and consequences dealing with good as well as poor behaviour.

 

How he's a bit older we do use the step as a sanction as he can still be a bit handy. For DS the one minute per year was too long and found a shorter length of time was effective. Also gave him a timer so he could see the time on the step counting down so knew when he could get off. Telling him the consequence of good behaviour as well as poor behaviour is helpful, I used to say 'if you hit again you will go on the step' and this maybe was a certainty for him so he did it even if the consequence wasn't to his liking. Telling him the consequence of not hitting i.e. you can play gave him another certainty to choose from.

 

He often lashes out now when frustrated, often when provoked by his brother (or perceives he has been LOL!). Hitting is easier than using words. We are trying to model to him the desired way to behave when his brother provokes him i.e. come and tell mummy, say 'stop it' in the hope that he will learn that this is the more appropriate way to deal with these situation. It is slow progress but on a couple of occasions he has managed to hold it together enough to get me instead of lashing out and he's had lots of praise. Your son may be a bit young for this approach, I think with preschoolers the dog training approach is probably more effective LOL but it's worth remembering that our kids sometimes need to be taught the appropriate way to behave in certain situations, that they don't pick up these things instinctively

 

HTH

 

Lx

 

Hi, thanks for all of your advice. DS has a very structured time at school, visual timetables, taken to a small room with small groups of children if classroom is too much etc. but I must admit I'm not so good at home so might start. The problems really happen when he's just with his sister watching tv etc. We do have an egg timer for time out but I might try the reward chart with good and bad, I think he'd really get that but like you wasn't sure about introducing the negative side. Thanks, its something to think about.