Having a Down Day

[Tally]

I'm feeling really lonely at the moment. I've tried everything I can to find support locally, but there just doesn't seem to be anything for me. I am moving away soon anyway, and now it doesn't feel like there would be any point trying to make friends here. But the reality is that I have not had any interest in my house, and even once I accept an offer, it will be months before the sale is complete.

 

I will be moving back to live with my parents. They think it is only a temporary measure while I get myself together and start looking for somewhere near to them, but I feel like I need longer and would like to study, so won't be able to support myself financially anyway for 2-3 years.

 

My parents are supportive, but I got on so badly with them growing up, and I eventually left home aged 20, on very bad terms and with nowhere to go. I did not even speak to my dad for six months. Things are much better now. They think we understand each other better now. I do think that is true, but I fear that it is only the distance between us that has caused the improvement. I am worried I could end up feeling the same way once I live with them permanently.

 

I already know of several social groups for people with AS/autism near to my parents, so that will be a good thing. Their neighbour has invited me to the theatre with her several times, but it has never worked out at a time I am visiting, but I always let her know I would have loved to go, so that is another source of social contact I would have there. I have a contact who is likely to be able to help me get work, and I still have contacts form my previous job who always ask me if I want a job when I hear from them, so that is another positive reason.

 

Since I got rid of the ex I have had some spare money and have bought myself a few nice clothes, but I look at them and realise I have nowhere to go to wear them anyway.

[Karen A]

I'm feeling really lonely at the moment. I've tried everything I can to find support locally, but there just doesn't seem to be anything for me. I am moving away soon anyway, and now it doesn't feel like there would be any point trying to make friends here. But the reality is that I have not had any interest in my house, and even once I accept an offer, it will be months before the sale is complete.

 

I will be moving back to live with my parents. They think it is only a temporary measure while I get myself together and start looking for somewhere near to them, but I feel like I need longer and would like to study, so won't be able to support myself financially anyway for 2-3 years.

 

My parents are supportive, but I got on so badly with them growing up, and I eventually left home aged 20, on very bad terms and with nowhere to go. I did not even speak to my dad for six months. Things are much better now. They think we understand each other better now. I do think that is true, but I fear that it is only the distance between us that has caused the improvement. I am worried I could end up feeling the same way once I live with them permanently.

 

I already know of several social groups for people with AS/autism near to my parents, so that will be a good thing. Their neighbour has invited me to the theatre with her several times, but it has never worked out at a time I am visiting, but I always let her know I would have loved to go, so that is another source of social contact I would have there. I have a contact who is likely to be able to help me get work, and I still have contacts form my previous job who always ask me if I want a job when I hear from them, so that is another positive reason.

 

Since I got rid of the ex I have had some spare money and have bought myself a few nice clothes, but I look at them and realise I have nowhere to go to wear them anyway.

 

<'> <'> It is a tough time for you at the momment.I hope you are able to get a satisfactory offer on the house and it is sorted quickly.The uncertainty must be very difficult.Karen.

 

[pearl]

<'> change is always difficult.

FWIW I think you are making some good decisions. You are moving where there is more support. It will be difficult moving back with your parents, but it won't be forever - you will live independently again eventually, but nearer to them than you are now. And as they get older, that will be good for them too.

 

One step at a time.

[pookie170]

Aw, Tally, it's such a difficult period when you're making such big changes in your life.....

There was something in the news yesterday about things being on the up in the housing market, so hopefully things will start moving on the house sale front for you soon. Have you been back on to your estate agent recently? Perhaps there's something they could do to try and get interest going in your house.......

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you though.

I understand your fears of moving back with your parents- would you feel able to sit down with them and discuss these fears, prior to moving in?

Its true that sometimes, spending time apart is good for a relationship, but it sounds like you're going to have much more opportunity to be out and about when you move back there. Also, you've been living independently for some time now and their perceptions of you have obviously changed- you're no longer their little girl but their adult daughter. This will most likely have a positive effect on how you guys interact with one another when you move back home....

But maybe, setting some ground rules before you move back would be helpful? That way, everybody knows what's expected of them, what's acceptable and suchlike. Even down to rent you might pay them or bills you'll be expected to contribute to.....

 

I think you're being very pro-active and making positive strides with your decisions, frustrating though the slow pace of change may be.

I'll send positive vibes your way, Tally, and hope that you get an offer on your house soon.

Keep your chin up, petal.

 

Esther x

[isme]

Huge hugs, you do sound down.. ((()))

 

Try and focus on the positives, there are SO many in your post.. I know its tough, but you appear to be doing the best things that you can..

[Kathryn]

Tally,

 

It sounds as though there are a lot of positive things about the move. You're a different person now from when you were 20, you've proved you can be independent from your parents and there's no reason why you shouldn't continue to be so, even if you're under the same roof. If you're working and studying and going out with people you'll have your own life.

 

As for the clothes - just wear them anyway, for yourself, and enjoy them!

 

Hope you get a buyer soon

 

K x

[bid]

I think it's always difficult when you are ready to get on with new changes, but external forces prevent you

 

<'>

 

Bidx

[frogslegs]

I think it is good that you are tackling problems and making decisions . That is super positive! Congrats <'> <'> It will be better to have a supportive shoulder nearby. It takes time for anyone to make friends and as long as you try new things and go out with an open mind you will meet people. And as for the new clothes, they are for you to feel nice in them, to feel confident, not just to impress people. Remember to be kind to yourself!

[Teresa]

Hi Tally

 

I just want to wish you good luck with selling your house and on your move, and like Kathryn said above it seems there are a lot of positive point's for moving back home, which is what I get from reading your post also.

Hope it all works out for you.

 

Teresa

[baddad]

choke up, chicken <'>

[Diane]

Hi Tally

 

Change is so very hard. It sounds from what you have said that it is going to be a good thing for you. I will keep my fingers crossed that you will get a buyer for your house soon.

 

Quite often people leave home not on good terms with thier parents, but we all change and have better understanding as we go through life so things could well be ok. I think you should try and talk to your parents about what is happening and how you are feeling, if you cannot find the right words then write it down for them.

 

You sound as if you need some hugs and love <'> >< <'> ><

 

Good Luck with every thing. Thinking of you.

[Tally]

I went to spend my profit share today. Normally I go shopping in Exeter because I know my way around, but today I went to Taunton. I managed to find a car park and then find my way to the town centre, and BACK to the car park, so I'm pleased with myself!

 

I wanted some sandals. The shoes I got are not sandals, but they would go with the same clothes I wanted the sandals for, so that's good. I also got some shorts and a nice green T-shirt.

 

I couldn't find the black boots I wanted, but I still have money left over, so it's all good.

 

It's good that I have a couple of smart outfits. Maybe once I move I will be able to make some friends and can go out places where I can wear them! I have some nice casual outfits now as well, so that's good too.

 

I do know I am doing the right thing by moving. It's just the thought of it which is quite scary, but I know it's for the right reasons. I just wish that, having made the decision, I could get on with it now. I'm frightened I will chicken out. Originally I assumed I would be gone by the summer, but now I am aiming for Christmas.