Any advice for a very confused young woman??

[suz]

Hi eveyone

 

I haven't posted for ages so apologies for that - I joined in Feb and spent a couple fo weeks on the forum every day and then haven't been back since! A bit of a tendancy of mine I suppose, to go from one short-lived obsession the the next!

 

Anyway, without wanting to depress anyone I was hoping for a bit of advice and support. Basically I'm really low and very confused at the moment and just don't know which way to turn. I'm undiagnosed but think I may have aspergers, although my mind tends to change depending on my mood. That's basically half the problem in itself though. I have very little sense of identity - I don't really know where I fit in, who I am or what I want out of life. My mum tries to help me with this to the point that I feel completely trapped at home with her, but although I'm desperate to escape I'm not sure I could cope living away from her. I don't work or anything and have a mental health social worker as I have sufferred from depression and anxiety since my early teens (I'm 24 now). But my social worker has different views to my Mum and is keen for me to become independant - get a job, my own place, basically become more 'normal'. That's what I want too deep down, but I have no confidence and no idea what I would do as a job, or how to live independantly or anything. I've also read self-help books and stuff but they make little sense to me and all seem to say different things. Everyone seems to have different opinions of how I should 'sort my life out', and I'm just so confused now that I'm so depressed I don't look after myself properley, and barely leave the house and stuff. I just wish I knew who I am and where I belong, but then I don't think I've ever really fitted in anywhere. i've never really had any friends - people seem to think I'm weird, and I don't know how to get close to people anyway. This world just seems like such a frightening place - everyone is always telling me I've got my head in the clouds and I've got to start living in the real world, but I don't really know what that means.

 

Really sorry to go on, hope I haven't depressed anyone, I guess I'm just getting desperate now. I was basically wondering whether anyone else has ever felt this way, and whether this might seem like an aspie thing or if I'm just going crazy. If any one has any advice, been in this situation or know someone who has, please do reply. Thanks so much.

 

Suz

[Tally]

Hi Suz,

 

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. What you are experiencing right now sounds more to do with depression than Asperger's. If you also have Asperger's (or even if you don't, but have the social difficulties associated with it), getting out and meeting people is 10 times harder, and can exacerbate depression.

 

I think it would be good for you to gain some independence, but you don't have to dive straight into a job and your own home right away. Simply getting out of the house might be a more reasonable target right now.

 

Are there any clubs or social groups for people with autism, mental health problems, or disabilities in general? That would be a good place to meet people who might be more forgiving of any social difficulties you have. Or maybe you could go to the library or the swimming pool. Even joining your mum for the weekly shop would at least get you out of the house. Your MHSW might be able to arrange some support to help you do things like this.

 

After that, you could perhaps join a club or go to an evening class. Having a shared interest can give you something to talk about.

 

You might look into some voluntary work, which would give you some experience and give you an idea of what kind of job you might enjoy.

 

You could gradually take on tasks around the home, which would prepare you for eventually living independently. Your mum might be willing to teach you how to do the things she does.

 

But it's all one step at a time. Your MHSW should be helping you set realistic targets for yourself, and supporting you in achieving them. "Become independent" is a bit vague really.

[Mandapanda]

Hi Suz

 

Sorry you are having such trouble at the moment.

 

Your SW may believe (consciously or sub-consciously) that your mum has always done everythng for you and that's why you can't do stuff now. I can see why people can think that, but it is very difficult parenting someone who needs extra help and support. It is very hard to step back as they are growing up, when they are struggling, and all too easy to keep doing everything. You could have a chat with your mum and actually spell out to her that you would like to learn some life skills, shopping, cooking, cleaning. If you also tell your SW, they may be able to refer you to a Support Worker who could help you with these things, with a bit of moral support and encouragement. This has to happen slowly though so you can feel more confident at each step. You may find you feel more content and in control of your life if you can be more independent whilst still living at home.

 

I agree with the idea of evening classes or perhaps a club (eg such as a local history club), when your mood is better. If you find the right subject, you may well find you get on better with the people interested in similar things to you. My husband and children do wargaming. The other people that do wargaming are interesting individuals like them and they tend to get on well with them.

 

Depression and anxiety can make you feel very out of control, I speak from personal experience. These do need treating, but also you may need to sort of give in to those feelings and acknowledge that is how you feel. I found that trying to pretend I didn't feel like that only made me worse, now I have acknowledged it I can work on making real, if slow, progress.

 

Thinking of you. <'> <'> <'>

 

 

[Kinda]

Hi Suz

 

Sorry you are feeling the way you do and approaching it from a different angle can you think to what does make you feel happy and try and work on it from that aspect. I think also if you are depressed it does tend to cloud your views on the world.

 

It seems to me there is confusion between what you think is OK and what others expect from you and its getting that balance which is difficult. You can decide to ignore what others expect but that tends to allienate you from them so there has to be an element of doing what is expected almost a compromise.

 

Perhaps the important thing is to think what you want out of life and work on that while fitting in a bit of what is expected of you but while you are feeling depressed there is a tendancy to withdraw into your own world.

Not sure if the pressure you feel is being exterted by others who want you to do different things is adding to your depression and if it is then this is unhelpful.

 

Find what you want out of life and work towards that goal, take on board what others say but don't do anything that doesn't suit you just to appease them. I think its about trying to get a balance so you can maintain relationships.

 

Kinda

 

[smiley1590]

im 19 years old female i have personal experience myself of suffering with depression and anxiety not nice sounds like you could have SAD-social anxiety disorder but this like others have said may be an effect of your MH probs from young age getting into a habit of social withdrawal leaving you isolated and lonely at times in your life! has your mum or MHSW mentioned AS/HFA?

 

i think suggestion of voluntary work as this would gives you goals to aim for and help take your mind off things and get you used to socialise outside the home may help you make positive steps towards recovery of improving your life as general i do voluntary work as it boost self-esteem/confidence helps social skills gets you used to different experiences from yours and situations! are you on medication for anxiety and depression? do you go any local MH support group or MIND? may help you get out the house for bit and mixing! maybe your MHSW can help bulid on skills you find hard such as independant living that you fill are missing! do you think there more than MH probs there something else that you can explain? like HFA/AS?

 

when did your anxiety and depression first start? was there a 'main trigger' does anyone else in your family have ASD ? related disorders/condtions? how does your depression and anxiety affect you?

 

good luck with everything i know how hard and tough having MH probs can be but got to keep building and improving all time!

 

take care

XKLX

[smiley1590]

have you felt 'different' and can't explain it? have you researched AS/HFA? books the net has lots of information on signs and how affects you! so if you feel this is 'you' and explains behind everything then i go to GP and ask referal to get assessed for AS/HFA!

[call me jaded]

Could I just say that it sounds as if you're trying to please everyone? Your SW thinks you should be taking one course of action, your mum doesn't think it would work. This is making it very difficult for you to make any decisions.

 

These are massive steps - finding work and leaving home and don't have to be done all at once. I would be overwhelmed and not know where to start too if I had to do that altogether. You need to break it down into smaller steps.

 

What interests do you have? Want to do a college course? Your self esteem will improve enormously if you can just take a step forward. It doesn't have to be the right decision (I've made a few duff ones in my time), but just making a decision will help.