16yr old son with OCD

[julie-2]

Hello all

 

I have not posted for some time now, but do contine to read with great interest some of the topics that are posted.

 

I am not sure whether posting here about my son's ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder), is ok as its normally my 8yr old daughter with asd and epilepsy that I post about.

 

But as I have received some very good advice from members on this site in the past, I thought maybe someone maybe able to offer some helpful advice again.

 

My son was diagnosed at 4.5 with OCD and had been seeing CAMHS for sometime, they dealt with his OCD by having my son attend weekly sessions where they talked through his anxiety's etc. Anyway when he reached his teens the OCD seemed to get worse again, and especially in the last year or so he has become verbally abusive and physically agressive towards myself and his father.

 

He has thrown things at me if I have so much as dared to put his clothes away, or closed a window in his room, part of the OCD apparently he has to be in control of things and do these things for himself.

 

In the last month, things got so out of control at home that I had to call the police as I was terrified he was going to stab me with a knife after taking it out the drawer and threatening to hurt me with it. He was very angry and abusive one minute, crying the next minute saying he would never hurt me, then his face seemed to change and he seemed to be grinning at me, this totally freaked me out, I ran next door and called the police from the neighbour's house and all the time I was waiting in there my 8yr old was still in the house, my neighbour's husband knocked the back door and my son let my daughter out to come next door with me.

 

The police came took a statement from me and then arrested my son and he was kept overnight in a police cell. He was very apologetic to me by sending text messages saying how sorry he was. I feel absolutely devastated that it had to come to me calling the police but felt I had no choice. He is now staying with his dad elsewhere although we still see one another occasionally but only when his dad is there.

 

I miss my son, and feel totally useless as a mother, but I dont feel I can trust him anymore, I am afraid of him and his threats and abuse, but on the other hand I still feel he needs help to overcome his problems. CAMHS are seeing him again and he has started to take his Fluoxetine again, as this stopped some months ago.

 

I am also having his dad ask me how long he is likely to have to stay with him. I cannot answer this as I really dont know. On one hand I would like him to come back home, but on the other hand I am afraid for myself and my daughter.

 

My dauughter has also suffered by seeing all of the abuse towards me and the foul language, because she is copying a lot of his behaviour, and the swearing with her has now got to the stage where the school have had a meeting to discuss another placement for her as she is constantly removed from the class because of the swearing and aggression.

 

I sometimes feel I have no more energy left to deal with all this, as I have no family support as they live in wales, there dad's family are in Turkey, and the children's father and I are divorced but we tried to make it work as a family after I got the diagnosis for my daughter 4 years ago, but he also works shift work and is hardly around for either of the children.

 

Julie

Edited June 2, 2009 by julie-2

[Cat]

 

<'> <'> <'> Julie

 

I have a very limited knowledge of OCD as a standalone condition. I have two sons with autism and one certainly displays many traits of OCD which tend to increase his levels of anxiety but not usually his levels of aggression and he can be quite aggressive. I wonder if your son could also have something running alongside his OCD now - maybe mental health issues. My understanding is that people with OCD are rarely violent, not saying that they never are but it is rare. That is why I am wondering is there could be something else. I know my eldest can be verbally abusive and aggressive and displays challenging behaviour at times. I am sure that CAMHS have looked into this - have you asked them if there could be other issues? The teen years can be especially difficult for some children and more so for those with issues but you can not allow your son to threaten you or use you as a punch bag. I would would be asking questions of CAMHS were I you if you have not already done so.

 

Cat

 

 

 

[julie-2]

Hi Cat

 

Thanks for your reply, and hugs, definitely need them.

 

I have spoken to CAMHS in the past about whether they think OCD can display aggressive behaviour or not, they seemed to think it can in some people. I also had concerns at one point that my son might be taking drugs as his temperament was very errratic, one minute he could be ok with me the next I was walking on egg shells again, worried about his temper.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses for him but he's also has to put up with a lot over the years with seeing myself and my ex husband always arguing, and not getting on, and then we had the diagnosis for my daughter of asd and epilepsy nearly 5 years ago. A lot of my time is spent dealing with her needs, So I can understand my son maybe feeling pushed out at times and in need of some time for just the two of us to spend together. I have tried on a couple of occassions whenever there is a half term holiday and my daughter is at playscheme, to spend time taking my son out for lunch or shopping, so we do get that time to spend together. He does appreciate this as we did this last week and it was nice to see him smile and happy, but not sure if this was the medication he's taking.

 

I sat here crying yesterday over the first message I posted, as it seems I feel I am going round in circles, without any solutions to any of this, and I feel very alone with no support. Even my family members are not very supportive as they just seem to think I should just have my son out of the house and let his dad deal with him now, the same applies to my daughter they also have no understanding of her needs, and just put her difficulties down to being naughty and disobedient.

 

Julie

[Cat]

 

The stress and anxiety that ASD can have on siblings is something that is all too often swept under the carpet. If it can stress the parents out then imagine what it can do to children?

 

I have been doing some digging I know someone who is involved with a national group supporting children with OCD and they tell me that violence within OCD is very rare. It can happen but it is rare. If you spend sometime looking at the net you will see that for yourself.

 

The elder of my two sons was not diagnosed with his AS until he was 13. When I talked about him to people (hoping that they would listen) I would always say that living with him was like living with someone who was on a trip switch and I never knew when, where or why his switch would trip. I never suspected that my son was on drugs because he never left the house but I was frightend of him and we to have lived with someone waving a knife around in our direction. Apart from the OCD does your son have any other issues?

 

It is all too easy for CAMHS to put everything down to OCD here. If there underlying reasons, like extreem stress and anxiety maybe because he is also living with ASD they also need to be addressed. I too have an elder child and although he is 8 years older than my middle son I still feel guilty about the amount of time I lost with him because of his brothers. Sometimes we need to be very pushy with the professionals and make them listen to us. Who on the CAMHS team deals with your son and are they aware that your daughter has autism?

 

Cat <'>

 

 

[julie-2]

hello Cat

 

Both myself and Camhs are not aware of any other underlying issues with my son, he has been seeing this particular doctor at camhs for the last few years, she also sees my daughter for reviews every so often too.

 

I have questioned my son on quite a few occasions about whether he is taking drugs, the doctor also asked him this, he has always denied this. He has told me he has been smoking, and I believe he has smoked weed also on a few occasions as I have found roll up papers, and little plastic containers with a weed sign on them. I have also seen his eyes looking sore and weary looking, not sure if this is a sign of smoking weed or something else.

 

He asked me to get him a blood test if I didnt believe him. But as he knows most of my time is taken up with my daughter's issues and these can be very demanding.

 

His dad has taken him to the last appointment with camhs and he has another appt the end of this month. All camhs have suggested is that he double his medication in the evenings, but even though they have suggested this I still dont know whether he is sticking to taking it everyday, as he complained last time he took it and said it did nothing for him, and made him tired and sick all the time, this is when I found he had been hiding tablets behind the microwave, and spitting the out in the garden.

 

He is sitting his GCSE's this week and is due to leave school at the end of June, with the plan of starting college to do a plumbing course in Sept. Just hope and pray that he had the sense to stay in control and not mess it all up for himself. This could hopefully be a turning point in his life once he starts college.

 

thanks again Cat

[smiley1590]

i used to very much like your son i had violence and agression anger directly mainly towards my mum held knife up to her throat police was called and ambulance was called as threatened it against myself too! i feel so guilty now knowing what put my parents through but feel closely connected with with MH probs such depression and anxiety!

 

we havn't had much support and help along way so this didn't help with frustration,confusion etc only made it worse! i worked on myself as for me been going to CAMHS /adult MHT now altogether for 5 years and feel has helped very little and me and my parents done most work and effort ourselves! my MH probs are still there but my anger agression violence gone! i manage to control it now! i write in dairy my probs started when puberty came with changing body and hormones running roung didnt help matters in my head and life!

 

my parents had to restrain me down to ground hold me down until came down was like mad rage probably what now know as melt down just screaming ranting and raving rocking and chucking objects everywhere! i don't know whether because i was overloaded! i was verbally abusive swearing . my parents tried shouting crying etc with nothing there!

 

pushed my parents to breaking point i know how bad things can get so easily!

 

sorry to hear your having tough time!

hope he decides to take his meds make himself better i know from personal experience skipping them makes you slip backwards!

 

has he tried anger management,CBT family therapy?

 

whats meds he on? what they help with his anger outbursts etc?

 

does your daughter get this bad with her behaviour?

do you think his behaviour towards you drug related which makes it worse as weed won't help just make everything seem better but in fact opposite make his MH worse!

 

good luck with everything!

XKLX

[julie-2]

i used to very much like your son i had violence and agression anger directly mainly towards my mum held knife up to her throat police was called and ambulance was called as threatened it against myself too! i feel so guilty now knowing what put my parents through but feel closely connected with with MH probs such depression and anxiety!

 

we havn't had much support and help along way so this didn't help with frustration,confusion etc only made it worse! i worked on myself as for me been going to CAMHS /adult MHT now altogether for 5 years and feel has helped very little and me and my parents done most work and effort ourselves! my MH probs are still there but my anger agression violence gone! i manage to control it now! i write in dairy my probs started when puberty came with changing body and hormones running roung didnt help matters in my head and life!

 

my parents had to restrain me down to ground hold me down until came down was like mad rage probably what now know as melt down just screaming ranting and raving rocking and chucking objects everywhere! i don't know whether because i was overloaded! i was verbally abusive swearing . my parents tried shouting crying etc with nothing there!

 

pushed my parents to breaking point i know how bad things can get so easily!

 

sorry to hear your having tough time!

hope he decides to take his meds make himself better i know from personal experience skipping them makes you slip backwards!

 

has he tried anger management,CBT family therapy?

 

whats meds he on? what they help with his anger outbursts etc?

 

does your daughter get this bad with her behaviour?

do you think his behaviour towards you drug related which makes it worse as weed won't help just make everything seem better but in fact opposite make his MH worse!

 

good luck with everything!

XKLX

 

 

Hi Smiley

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

When the police arrested my son they suggested he be put on some kind of anger manger therapy, I have heard nothing back about this as yet neither has my son.

 

I have attended a number of sessions with my son where we have discussed his ocd and anger problems, he always just comes out with the same story of me nagging him too much, and touching his belongings, ie tidying up his room etc, this would really get him angry and abusive, I did try to not touch his things, and just leave him to do them, but he would'nt so in the end I did.

 

He is taking fluoxetine 40mg a day thiks is double the dose as he only used to take one 20mg tab a day, but since this last episode the doctor at camhs increased this.

 

My 8yr old daughter has seen and heard a lot of this behaviour at home, and is getting more aggressive also, she has kicked me threw things at me, pinched and punched me, and also swear terribly. Not sure if this is part of her asd or what she has seen at home.

 

Can I just say Smiley I am sorry to hear about your nan, please try not to feel too down, as in time it will get less painful for you and your family, time is a great healer.

 

 

julie <'>