Child protection

[bensmum2]

Hi we are now at the stage where meetings are being held behind my back, people who never even met my son making decisions, although diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder somatic symptoms, school refusal and sensory problems, the "professionals " have got the doctor to cancel my sons sick note (2nd time in a month), and in their opinion i am ""blocking his access tto school for my own needs, they say i have learned a lot about the system and know how to use it, he only has some "residual" illness , the main needs are mine and this "fabrication" of illness by me is going to cause my son untold damage for life, i wont let him attend social clubs etc becasue i say they are too noisy for him!!!" YOU COULDNT MAKE IT UP !!!!!! tHEY ARE IGNORING HIS DIAGNOSIS , BLAMING IT ALL ON BAD PARENTING!! but this time the next step is i send him back to school to repaeat a year ( more time to be ill) or we have a child protection conference, not much choice is there?

Im stuck because my doctor has been threatened with court by the lea, my consultant has retired 2 weeks ago, the psychologist at camhs "doesnt see people any more"and my doctor wont refer me to anyone else becasue of what the lea have told him, the people i have contacted for help in social services cant offer me the things they told the lea they could so the lea think i am refusing to ask for help but the social services said thats not the kind of help they give, but wont put it in writing, 2 weeks ago i got an advocate from nbcs ( hes partially sighted) but she broke her leg badly and is now off work for weeks. HELP ! i have no one an the ewo is coming in 2 days to make me send him back or they will put him down as a child at risk of harm from me!! How has it come to this , even school ares sending letters telling me what a bad mum i am, yet my son is vomiting bed wetting and having severe somatic pains at 13, becuas eh is terrified of school, theres is over 2 yeasr evidence and a diagnosis of this yet they are still saying its me, i want to run away and hide but i have to keep fighting for him. I hve even applied for 3 other schools 2 have refused and my other form has gone "missing" but they wont consider it anyway untill ive sent him back fist , he sint diagnosed with Asd cos he borderline and despite the school refusal since year 7 they still wont reassess or statement him. i'm just at melting point, that passed boiling point!!!and i'm ready to collapse in abig heap on the floor and give up, but that means giving up on my boy too, and struggling every day to cope with his vomiting wetting and pains for another 4 years, please can anyone help?what can i do?

[call me jaded]

Shame about that NBCS advocate - is there any way they can find you another one? What about the parent partnership service? Or just have a friend with you when the EWO comes.

 

Here is Jan Loxley Blount's website - it just might give you an idea or two and knowing that you're not alone helps.

 

 

[Diane]

Hi Bensmum2

 

I am afraid I do not have any advice to give. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope that some how things turn around for you.

 

 

[bensmum2]

Thanks ladies, the meeting came and went today, i'm afraid i was so scared of the consequences i folded and my son is going back to the "lions den " tomorow morning, i had all my evidence and papers and diagnosis letters, i had some ecamples off here showing how similar my son is to all these children dignosed with asd. i saw my doctor yesterday and eh feels school refusal IS learned behaviour, whne i started to show the ewo my stuff she informed me that she had spoekn to out new consultant (we are not even meeting him till next week) and he told her my sons dyspraxia was now mild( he is nearly 14, he cant cut up food tied a shoelace , buttons and things are a nitemare and his writing is illegible, so bad i showed it her it took her a minute or so to say whether it was maths or english work, the she said well, you can readit if you look closely( i cant). hehas also phoned henshaws society for the blind ( he is partially sighted) and a lady there who i have never heard of and has never met us and doesnt have any medical records because this isa support group type place not medical, told her my sons eye condition was mild, in the great scheme of things it may be a milder condition than some, but he is still registered partially sighted. Neither of these things had been an issue or a reason for him being off school, but she thinks she has proved he isnt disabled and personally i feel like i have been burgled, while i have been trying to get him back to school she has been burrowing through our private lives without my knowledge and dissecting every personal piece of information. i didnt even tell her we were seeing a new consultant next week becuase i was hopeful of a freshm start and maybe some help at last from him, but now he has been told we are "involved " with the education welfare, this will be on our record,so straight away the new doctor will have us down as problem causers, they have only been involed 6 weeks becasue parent partnership told me they would "help" everyone i tunrn to says no thats not right they wouldnt do that , but believe me they have and tomorow they are making me sned my boy back after having made a mockery out of all his disabilities, i really do feel numb like i have been burgled, my life has been torn apart and scrutinised and only half put back. How did it come to this in 6 weeks!!!!

[Enid]

Good grief, how DID it come to this, there seems more here than meets the eye! something must be going on in the background, something been said and an assumption been made. Could you not home school? is that an option? let us know how things go. Enid

[NobbyNobbs]

i would suggest trying as hard as you can to be very positive about your son going to school (at least outwardly) and doing your best to make it work. cooperate with all the 'officials' and really give it the best shot you can. that way if it fails they cannot blame you, and will have to accept another option needs to be found.

 

unfortunately cases of children being kept away from school with parents claiming its because they can't cope, when its actually for the benefit of a parent are very common. i'm not saying you're one of them, i'm just saying this is why it is being dealt with in this way. they will seek 'expert advice' on matters they are not personally knowledgable on in order to support their case, hence contacting the charity woman to ask about the named eye condition. bear in mind if they feel you are not cooperative and are not acting in the interest of your son they will involve social services to prepare an investigation into whether your son needs to go into care, so your cooperation in their plans is very important! at least if you try it their way, and it doesn't work then its proven once and for all that they're in the wrong, not you.

[Kazzen161]

 

http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Legal+Advice/

 

You could try calling these for advice, Bensmum.

 

When I asked the EWO for help, they said they didn't know how to get R to go to school. They were no help, but at least they did not blame me.

 

I hope the new consultant will keep an open mind and listen to you. There are some good ones out there.

 

 

[bensmum2]

Cheers again everyone, im just waiting for the ewo to ppick him up, she asked if i wanted to go but why would i? they know he cant get the bus but as the taxi needs reorganising she is taking him today, hes already wet teh ebd and had a mini panic attack about today and next week and said hes change his mind!! it isnt me, really it isnt , theres nothing going on in hte background other than i am a moaner and i stand up for myself and they dont like me they never have, they are determined to prove ben doesnt have special needs despite getting higher care and low mobility dla after being examined by an independant doctor. This sounds a bit odd but we used to be in a local family support group and there were soem irregualrities going on , a few of us found out and objected, when it all blew over those of us who had stood up to them were slowly made to feel more and more uncomfortable and eventually quite a few people left including us, this support group meets in the social services office and the trustees chat and socialise with the social workers, basically if you are in the group you get all the help if you are not you get nothing and i actually think it comes from there as my son used to be open to the social services there but when i actually asked for a service they immediately said he didnt meet the criteria and closed the case, i have made several attempts to find out "the criteria but they wont commit themselves. Now they dotn even answer letters. You ladies dont know me and i appreciate that you are as supportive as you are because i could be the "mother from hell" for all you know, but my story is all too familiar in this forum parents accused of being overprotective and children with wrong or no diagnosis getting little or no helpi ams till going to try to get a diagnisis, it wonr change anything i dotn think they are set againats us, but it will prove that it isnt me , i need to prove that even more now, as you say for now i will concentrate on him being in school , if it does fail again, i dotn know becasue we are so close to child protection and they still think its me so if it does fail that wont change i dont think, so it has to work , he has to go he has to change and accept the innevitable and get through his personal hell , i dont think i have mentioned what actually started this, was that we found out in spetember the school is merging and there will be 1400 pupils there instead of 500 so the hell he is in now is nothing to what it will be then, the changes, the more noise, the number of pupils the change of premises twice as far away and the dreaded "girls" , so many changes he doesnt do change!!! how will he cope!!!

[bensmum2]

o just another point i had considered home schooling i even had the letter to deregister him and a lesson plan, but i dont think that would stop them going for child protection because they are saying i am keeping him off, so home schooling would just add more weight to that theory, cheers again x