How to tell child of diagnosis

[Amelia]

My 12 year old son was diagnosed yesterday with aspergers. We have to tell him this weekend as we have a large mullti-agency meeting on Monday at his school and then it may slip out from one of the teachers by accident. I would appreciate any advice on how to tell him. I have a printout from the NAS but parts of it didn't print.

[Goody]

My 12 year old son was diagnosed yesterday with aspergers. We have to tell him this weekend as we have a large mullti-agency meeting on Monday at his school and then it may slip out from one of the teachers by accident. I would appreciate any advice on how to tell him. I have a printout from the NAS but parts of it didn't print.

 

 

Hi Amelia,

 

 

Well.. the approacy may differ from the conditons. It isn't curable and not disease but functional problem. You and your family member support those and dig out some talent each own we Asperger's Syndrome people have.

 

I think. Sometime in a future, Aspie realize " I am the only person what kind of person, what different from others and what kind of functional problems I have" that would be a goal for us. There is a many bright future for ourselves. No one can refuse or interfere his/her bright future life.

 

 

In my case,

 

I've been minor Autistic Spectrum, Asperger's Syndorm and LD. I realized those at the age of 49. "Knowing myself" I started that.

 

 

Goody,

 

[frogslegs]

When my son was diagnosed I wondered whether to tell him or not and decided that he had the right to know as it is his problem. There are some very good books for children (I bought one from Winslow publisher) and we discussed it honestly. I told him not only the minus points of having asperger but also the pluses (being excellent with details, super knowledge...) and I also told him that I loved him the way he was and did not wish for a better son. I also said that we would be helping each other whenever possible and that he needed to tell me how he feels.

I have just called him and read your post and he said, 'definitely tell him, it is better to know you have a disability and that it has a name rather than just think it is all your fault and that you are odd'.

Good luck,

Mel

[Sally44]

I started telling my son by talking about the things that upset him and the things he finds difficult.

For example when he gets upset at certain noises, smells etc I explained to him that not everyone feels like that and gets upset like he does because they don't hear the noise like he does or smell the smells that he detects etc. This was a real eye opener to him and it helped him alot. Previously I think he had understood that everyone else appeared to be okay with the environment and learning in a certain way and he judged himself as being 'stupid' and 'a loser'. Once I began to explain to him that he experienced things differently and that was why x, y and z bothered him and not others and that was why he was totally brilliant at x, y and z and other children struggled - then he seemed to get it.

Children on the spectrum do not experience things as we do. That is not only a revelation to us, it is also a revelation to them.

I tried to explain things as they happened. I know you don't really have the time as you have a meeting coming up. But after that explain things when they arise. I found that much easier. But obviously you don't want to try to talk about 'aspergers' in the middle of a meltdown!!

[Guest featherways]

I'd get the Freaks, Geeks & Asperger syndrome book for him. So funny, written by a teenager with an ASD, and lots of very useful info in there. I loved reading it. May be able to order from the local library?

I found it was a relief to know, personally. At least I knew why life was so often a struggle for me compared to the social ease that others have.

[pookie170]

I opted to tell my son a few years ago,which I did by talking about the problems he was having (especially at school) and some of his quirks. I made a point of including the positive side of his AS (his individuality, some talents that may well be enhanced by the condition, his interests and suchlike) before explaining that the people he'd been seeing had made their DX of AS and ADHD. There was initial interest, of the same kind that he showers on his obsessions and he wanted to explore the notion and facts until my head was spinning!

He then went through a prolonged period of denial which was forceful and outright....I honestly feel that it was similar to the grieving process, if that makes sense? We're now at the stage of acceptance, though I don't think he'd disclose his DX to many people.

Even though this has been a difficult journey for us, I still feel that we did the right thing. It's a very personal thing though, and might not be right for others.

 

Incidentally, my 11 yr old AS son and he seems to agree with Mel's son, if that's any help?

 

Good luck- he'll be fine because he's got the support of a loving family.

 

Esther x

[madme]

I agree with the above posts- how did it go? And the school meeting. The book by Luke Jackson was the book that my son read. It helped him to know that he wasnt alone. He also pointed out all the family quirks. Its importany yo point out the positive.