Village Sports Day

[Mum of 3]

 

Have had our village sports day today. G was really excited to be entered for the races, and the prize table was literally groaning with booty for the winners.

 

The trouble is, with all the noise, confusion, smells, sounds, etc, G was in total sensory overload before he'd even started. He was 'squirming', and clinging to me as we went up to the starting line for the first race. The woman starting the races was very kind, but from a different school, so didn't know G. He started crying as soon as she started to tell the children what to do, but he insisted he wanted to carry on...so I watched him, sobbing his heart out, stumbling down the track after all his 'school mates', then, at the finish line, when he'd come last, he stood there waiting to be handed a card ( which they gave to 1st and 2nd place, so not him!), then broke into fresh tears when he realised he hadn't won!

 

This happened race after race, with the tears getting more and more, but him still insisting he wanted to take part, as he so desparately wanted to win one of those fabby prizes..

 

All day, I had to endure the other parents looking at us, and 'well meaning' comments such as "He's not a very good loser is he?"..."Don't worry, he's just not used to it...it's because he's the eldest, so he's not seen any brothers or sisters doing it"..."Why is he crying?"-(Where do I start on that one?).

Most of the parents just hung back and watched us from a distance. I felt like the alternative entertainment.

.

In the end, when I'd had to go and extracate him from the scramble nets in the obstacle course after the race was over, I took him to the toy tent and bought him a little toy as a prize for being a really good tryer and persevering...We talked loads throughout the day about all the things he's brilliant at, which he would win at if they had a competition, and how proud we are of him, etc...But nothing could make up for not winning one of those shiny new toys like all the other boys got...

 

I feel like s**t. Why does it always have to be so hard?

[bid]

<'>

 

Bid

[dana]

Hi,

You did well for rewarding his perseverence even if he didn't win anything. Don't be so hard on yourself. You wanted the best and it is difficult to know for sure what wll happen on such occasions. I feel for you and your son. <'> <'> <'>

 

Danaxxx

[forbsay]

Totally feel for you.

 

Sending you hugs.

 

Forbsay

 

[zaman]

Well done G for keeping on at it. And well done you for not losing it!

[bluefish]

still crying from reading your post, your a great mum god its hard. wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but al I can say is going through exact same thing and it hurts. xxxxxx

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Don't beat yourself up. You allowed your son the chance to try it and this time it didn't work out. My motto is 'if you don't try, you don't know'. Been in your shoes many times and it's heartbreaking. It's difficult to know what to do for the best. I also think you coped well regarding onlookers. Some people are well-meaning, others should be utterly ashamed seemingly enjoying the entertainment (been there many times too!). I think that you learn to develop a thick skin and the realisation that your child is first and foremost in those situations helps.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[frogslegs]

<'> <'> <'>

[Mum of 3]

Thankyou so much everyone. Your support and understanding means so much to me <'> <'> <'>

 

I think I've taken this really badly...I've been off work with stress for 3.5 months, and I was thinking I was strong enough to go back next week, but yesterday I just couldn't rouse myself from how down I was feeling, and I just didn't seem able to do anything.

 

However, I did spend alot of time with the boys, playing and cuddling and having stories. I made them a tent in my bedroom using my (beautiful, French, patchwork ) quilt, and they got torches and backpacks and faught the bears .

 

Then we went out for a run round and G played with his water pistol (the toy I got him on Saturday), and told everyone very proudly that Mummy had got it for him for being so good on the obstacle course. He was pleased as punch, and seems to have suffered no ill-effects ... although he did say this morning that he could think of nothing he'd liked about the sports day (we were reviewing the weekend to think of things to tell Teech).

 

I don't think we'll be going again

 

Anyway, thanks to my 'go slow' yesterday, the house looks as though it's been burgled, so I'd better go and do something about it! (where's the 'hoovering' emoticon?)

[NobbyNobbs]

if its an annual thing and he wants to do it next year, could you get one of the people handing out the prizes to give him a special one for trying so hard? if you provide something you know he'll love, even if they can't do it in 'public' they could find him after. something 'official' would probably mean a lot to him (especially as he gets older).

[szxmum]

<'> >< <'> Mum of 3

 

It's just as hard on ASD parents as the children - I hope today has been easier for you all <'>

Edited June 22, 2009 by szxmum

[Kathryn]

That's tough. <'>

 

If he ever wants to do it again, I think a quiet word with the organisers next year would be a good idea, as Nobby suggested. Children have to learn that there are winners and losers, but a special prize for effort - (even if you have to buy it yourself!) might make all the difference to him.

 

K x

[Mum of 3]

Thanks for that idea. I'm hoping we won't have to do it again, but if we do, that's a good idea.

[Sally44]

At my son's previous school they had sports days where it was team based and they moved around a circuit of different activities. They kept them in these same teams throughout school, and they were always put in the same team as siblings. By the time he left he was doing quite well at that!

But school outings were something else. Before I finally got a Statement and moved him to another ASD friendly school, they had an 'activity day' where all the school walked to the local park. School seemed to have no idea of what this would involve for him and us. I had to talk to him about it for days beforehand so that he knew it was coming. I had to put suncream on him which he says burns his skin, I had to pack sandwiches when he normally stays dinners. On the day itself they got changed into their PE kit. Then it kept raining, so they kept changing the plans eg. we won't be eating sandwiches at the park we will leave them at school and eat them when we get back. We will go to the park and won't play games, we will just do a scavanger hunt. Every announcement and change was met with anxiety and tears and throughout the day he kept asking me what is happening next. Then we walked to the park. He has no tolerance for physical activities and kept trying to sit down. When we got to the park it started raining and he wanted to remove his wet clothes and take off his muddy shoes. He kept wandering off and didn't really participate or understand what everyone else was doing. Then when it was time to go we had to walk back home. My son refused and collapsed on the floor kicking and screaming whilst the rest of the school walked off. I had no transport with me and school had made no plans for what they would do if this happened. I had to practically threaten him with his life to get him home. When I wrote to school about how difficult this day had been and how unprepared I felt the school was to deal with his difficulties and support him they turned round on me and said that I was criticising the school and that they had left everything to me because I had insisted on coming along with him. Yet I came along only because they repeatedly demonstrated that they didn't have a clue. He had twice that week escaped from school, his teacher told him off for repeating what she said (he has echolalia!), he hurt himself in school and no-one noticed etc etc.

From then on they excluded him from activities outside of school (that is illegal according to the Disability Discrimination Act), but, on a positive note, it all added up to good evidence towards a Statement.

So I do totally sympathise with your day. Sometimes they can appear to be doing so well when they are in their normal daily routine that you only really notice how significant the difficulties are when they are placed in a new/different environment then you see that they don't pick up the language, social or situation clues like everyone else is doing.