New EWO coming on Monday

[Mandapanda]

The school and CAMHS want to do a CAF but Aw won't sign the form to give permission. CAMHS want the school to go ahead anyway, but after speaking to the school about this, I have received a letter, yesterday, saying a new EWO will come to see us at home on Monday.

 

In April the school said that if they involved the EWO again, her only option would be to prosecute me. I have a letter from Children's Services (via my MP) that says they won't prosecute as it is for medical reasons, but I'm worried they are expecting him to 'get better' and won't believe he is still unable to do any education.

 

I don't know if I'll even be able to get him to come out of his room to see/talk to her, and I don't know how she will interpret this. The previous EWO was lovely and very understanding, and had a son with Asperger's herself.

 

We have another appt with the paediatrician to reassess him, perhaps for Asperger's, but not till December. I have contacted the advocacy lady and hope she will be able to help.

 

I'm really scared I'm going to have another sort of breakdown like I had in April. This wouldn't do any of us any good. But more than anything, I am concerned that putting pressure on us again will halt or even reverse Aw's improvement. His mood is better and his sleep is improving, but we are a way off being able to approach any formal education at the moment.

[minerva]

Hi Manda, My son was out of school for four years while I was seeking a proper assessment of his needs. In the mean time nobody did anything to get him to return to school. We saw an EWO once I think but that was it.

 

The one we saw was sympathetic and backed me all the way with my decision to remove him until appropriate education was in place. I'm sure that if you are honest with the EWO the new one will be just as nice as your old one.

 

The law states the child has to receive an "appropriate" education. It does NOT say they have to attend school. Is there any way that your Dr could apply to the Hospital education service for a home tutor in the time it takes for something else to be sorted out? Perhaps if you were to suggest this to the EWO they will know you are wanting something in place, just not for your child to be unhappy!

 

Otherwise are you able to teach him yourself? As long as you are follwoing the curriculum they also have to leave you alone.

 

It can get very tiresome though and it is sometimes nice to know someone else is going to be coming for a few hours to ease the pressure off of you.

 

I hope this is helpful <'>

 

 

[nannysandy]

Hi , i have been in a similar situation , yo odnt say how old ur son is but mine is 14 next month year 9, he has spent the first 2 years of secondary suffering vomiting stomach pains(diagnosed as somatic)bed wetting, unable to cope with the noise and crowds at a school with 500 boys, they were great at letting him out of class and playing board games with him and sending him home tiem and time again, but he wasnt learning and they refused to get ed psych involved or support statementing. in april parent partnership told me to get ewo involved they would "help" me get him back in school, by may htey were holding caf meetings in secret , not even camhs were invited then they told everyoen i hadn' bothered to attend, in june i was threatened with child prortection if he didnt go abck to school despite 3 doctors notes saying he was too ill( they rang the dr and said they would take him to court if he didnt cancel the notes!!)i went to my mp but the y told him i was under threat of child protection and even eh chickened out!! he told me to send him bakc to school and co operate with the LEA!! i had to send him back in, i had no choice, it lasted 2 weeks on half days, he attacked 2 boys (never been violent before ever) and school kept ringing me and making me try to calm him down when he was crying and shouting and realy frightened and feeling ill and i could hear them in the background saying "you're not really ill though are you , you are just playing up so you can go home and play on the computer" He ran out of school that day and they rang to tell me later when the social services checked it out, they said eh was "being watched at all times" but they didnt tell me that! I kept him at home after that and they told em they had wasted their time on him and he would be expected back full time, in september , no compromises!! .In september , the school merged and became an academy with 1200 pupils on a new site and with girls(not much change for him to cope with then!!) i shoudl also mention during his time off school ill he went more an dmore into himself and wouldnt come out of his room not even to eat!! On 1st july he was diagnosed with aspergers after 8 years of me knowing what was wrong and them denying it! It made no difference it was like i had made it all up!! i asked the social services for help and they assesed us as being such good parents that we fully met all his needs and so they refused us help, my son is aspergers, partially sighted and dyspraxic and also has sensory integration disorder!! so he has many complex needs, in june we were bad parents "damaging him for life" the EWO said,who were almost on the child protection register and in july we were assessed as being such good parents, we were all he needed!! This made my mind up, as long as i was a good parent and he wasnt statemented they couldnt stop me deregistering him!! i deregistered him in july and started hoem schooling on 7th september, earleir this week i had an assessment by the LEA and they concluded what i am doing is really good and i meet all his education and social needs, they were really impressed. I now have a boy nearly 14 who goes to 4 youth clubs every week , 4 hours sports on a saturday with a group for visually impaired kids, he just took part in his first sporting event ever and he is learning to cook, he managed to get himself home on the bus (2 buses) he couldnt do 1 bus before he got a taxi to school. He has a tutor once a week which we pay for , he goes to collge on a preparation to work course and he loves it( he says they are older and not so silly there ) Everyone can see he is a changed boy and much less anxious, he even cuts up his own food ( never known before), he is only in one night a week and travels mostly on our local accessible transport ring and ride , but is learning to use the bus , and very eager to do it. the prospect of home schooling is scary , but theres so much out there websites, tv progammes, everywhere we go we turn it into a learning experience , im learning myslef and its good fun and great to see the change in my boy, you dotn even have to do the national curriculum. Maybe you have the option to do that even for a little while, i am hoping he will get a statement and go to a more suitable school, but until then its home schooling for us, College told me yesterday, he doesnt present with any problems , he even joins in class discussions (he never did at school )and he is learning about the outside world not just the limited school timetable( we do have a timetable i felt structure woudldhelp me as well but it is flexible) I would say whilst you are under this threat of prosecution , do whatever they say, he would not manage if you were in prison, but look into your other options, if he is statemented its harder to home school , but if not it is an option for now, I even tried a solicitor when they threatened child protection but i didnt get anywhere. I have ipsea behind em now and they think i have a good case for disability discrimination on top of the lea failing to provide my sonw ith suitbale provision. there are loads of groups who can help theres ACE advisory centre for education, IPSEA independant panel for special education needs, NAS national autistic society, the all have helplines and they are brilliant, i have been on the verge of all kinds including leavinf him at camhs and saying ok , YOU deal with him if you dont believe me!! but at the end of the day, who else will stand up for him if not his mum!! get angry with them, dont let them so this to you there is loads of help out there, but its not easy, i know you can do it because he is your child and you are the best one who knows him the best and knows his needs. good luck!!!

[Mandapanda]

Thanks for your comments.

 

nannysandy - what an experience you have had .

 

 

My son cannot face any education at the moment. He did have 2 sessions with a home tutor then his much loved grandma died (in January). I know that was quite a while ago, but it has left negative assocations in his mind, I think.

 

Our biggest problem (even with our eldest) is that we always seem to 'fall through the gaps'. My eldest clearly has Asperger's but has 'never been bad enough' to be seen by the Educ Psych, or go for statement. My youngest was virtually a model child at school, and just stopped wanting to go (as far as they are concerned). The fact that he was struggling really hard to cope underneath, seems to them to be too hard to believe. If he won't talk to anybody (which is the result of over a year of CAMHS 'input' and not getting anywhere), then it is only my word they have about what is happening and it looks like it's me that doesn't want him to go to school.

 

He won't see anyone for treatment, they won't come to see him at home, and I don't know how I can get him to do anything formally educational when he is still so negative about it and becomes withdrawn when I mention it.

 

He reads, watches documentaries, goes on science forums on the internet, and looks up information he is interested in, so he is learning in a form, but not what school/EWO/CAMHS recognise as education. Unfortunately my husband is really not keen for me to deregister our son and home educate (his mum was a teacher, plus he's probably worried about me having all that responsibility - he works full time, I work part time, and I don't think he believes he is capable of educating anyone, so it would be down to me).

 

I believe my son can have a great future ahead of him, he is very bright, but he is being pushed in a direction which he cannot (yet?) cope with. But I know they won't wait indefinitely.

Edited October 2, 2009 by Mandapanda

[Mandapanda]

Oh dear...

 

I just spoke to Aw about the EWO coming Monday and that he would need to come down and talk to her, and he went upstairs and slammed the door.

 

[minerva]

How old is he? With regard to him not wanting to do anything educational....would he automatically know thats what he was doing? Is there a way of pretending its your work and that you are finding it hard to do so need him to help you out? Like you do all the writing, have your name on the top but get him to help answer questions because hes so much cleverer than you?

 

Erm, Its a very very small possibility....but I was wondering, I mean the likelyhood of getting the right tutor is pretty small anyway but lets just say you did get "the right" one. Perhaps with knowledge (and experience!) of ASD's, there may be a way she can get to know him before even trying to introduce anything thats even remotely considered school work, then progressing to some fun things that could be sneakily done. Not to mention that she would then be able to report back the problems she is having with him therefore leading to an assessment which helps you out whether he actually gets any work done or not?

 

I dont know since my son never had a problem with doing anything work wise besides writing, it was school he had concerns with.

 

When trying to get him to practise writing it has been very hard though. I know that asking him to write a shopping list and other interesting suggestions put to me only caused an outburst.

[minerva]

Oh dear...

 

I just spoke to Aw about the EWO coming Monday and that he would need to come down and talk to her, and he went upstairs and slammed the door.

 

 

 

I wouldnt say that he has to talk to her, I would get something he likes in on the day (donuts or whatever), carry on as if it isnt about him. Have a nice cup of tea and a chat with this interesting lady & hope he does what kids usually do when you dont want them around LOL

[jordansmum33ok]

Hi, its along time til december wow.. is there any way you can get this brought forward?

 

My daughter was home schooled for a yr and i only saw the EWO once he was nice and said in his op homeschooled kids did better ino get h life

i focussed on subjects she liked and when i finally did manage to get her a school place she was very advanced.

She has no diagnosis but school are now having alot of difficulity with her.. she is very bright but is showing signs of asd and adhd

so im going to ask them to refer her to pead..

 

My son 12 asd has not been in full time ed since april and im fighting to get him speac place..

 

I was prosected this year as my daughter above did not attend when she had a place, she hates school and no matter how many times i call her she is always

late and that goes as non attendenance too..

 

sometimes i wish i had just kept her at home

 

im changing her school next month so hopefully that will help.

 

I hope the new EWO is supportive for you as mine is

[Mandapanda]

How old is he? With regard to him not wanting to do anything educational....would he automatically know thats what he was doing? Is there a way of pretending its your work and that you are finding it hard to do so need him to help you out? Like you do all the writing, have your name on the top but get him to help answer questions because hes so much cleverer than you?

 

Erm, Its a very very small possibility....but I was wondering, I mean the likelyhood of getting the right tutor is pretty small anyway but lets just say you did get "the right" one. Perhaps with knowledge (and experience!) of ASD's, there may be a way she can get to know him before even trying to introduce anything thats even remotely considered school work, then progressing to some fun things that could be sneakily done. Not to mention that she would then be able to report back the problems she is having with him therefore leading to an assessment which helps you out whether he actually gets any work done or not?

 

I dont know since my son never had a problem with doing anything work wise besides writing, it was school he had concerns with.

 

When trying to get him to practise writing it has been very hard though. I know that asking him to write a shopping list and other interesting suggestions put to me only caused an outburst.

 

Hi minerva

 

He is 13 and far too bright/shrewd to be 'tricked' by your suggestions unfortunately. It's very difficult to get him to do anything with me at all. He rarely comes out of his room at the moment. He very rarely leaves the house. He won't even come and say hello to family when they visit, and has always had problems dealing with adults generally, but especially new adults. I really am a bit stuck.

 

 

[minerva]

In that case all I can say is join the club

 

& I feel for you <'> <'> <'> <'>

[jlogan1]

hi mandapanda,sorry it will be short not much time at mo but just to let you know my daughter is exactly the same( shes 13) wont go to school and refuses to see anyone about anything just stays in room most of time,makes life very very difficult <'> <'> .but hang in there you can only do so much and at the end of the day like most mums you are the only one who will fight their case so,if he wont come out theres not much you can do at this age you cant use physical force,hopefully whoever comes round will see this,so just go along with it,theres nothing more you can do,my daughter runs away( not far ) but it means she escapes from these people that she doesnt want to see,sorry cant be any real help but just to say know what you are dealing with and must say this forum has helped without it the other week not sure what would have done!!so just keep going and hope things work out <'>

regards julia

[Mandapanda]

Update:

 

New EWO came (she is covering as the usual EWO is off sick ). She was very nice and listened to me properly and seemed to be thinking carefully about what I was saying. She can see what a difficult situation we are in. Aw flatly refused to get dressed and come down to see her. I was very honest with her and told her everything, good and bad, about school, CAMHS and home.

 

She is going to see about school sending some work home, although she said school won't know 'where he's at' now as it's so long since he's been to school, and 'they can be a bit funny about it'. She has given me the number for the SEN Dept of the LEA to contact directly about getting an assessment for a statement done, without me having to go through school.

 

So I feel happier now, although I'm still slightly concerned about the future and how long we can go on like this.

[Karen A]

Update:

 

New EWO came (she is covering as the usual EWO is off sick ). She was very nice and listened to me properly and seemed to be thinking carefully about what I was saying. She can see what a difficult situation we are in. Aw flatly refused to get dressed and come down to see her. I was very honest with her and told her everything, good and bad, about school, CAMHS and home.

 

She is going to see about school sending some work home, although she said school won't know 'where he's at' now as it's so long since he's been to school, and 'they can be a bit funny about it'. She has given me the number for the SEN Dept of the LEA to contact directly about getting an assessment for a statement done, without me having to go through school.

 

So I feel happier now, although I'm still slightly concerned about the future and how long we can go on like this.

 

Hi.If things are very difficult with the school there is no reason why you can't contact the LA direct to request a Statutary Assessment.It is the LA who have responsibility regarding Statutary Assessments.It can be helpful if the school are supportive but it is still possible if they are not.I don't think you would have to have direct contact with school yourself.You have a parental right to request that the LA conduct a Statutary Assessment.

Others here have had Statutary Asssessments conducted for children not in school with some parts done by professionals at home I think.

I will find the excellent standard letter that IPSEA have produced in draft form in case you wish to use it.

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/sevenfixes.htm#RequestingAssessment

Karen.

Edited October 6, 2009 by Karen A