fogz Report post Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) hi all my mum and dad split up when i was very young (one of my earliest memories) i had a bad experience when i split up with a girlfriend when i was around 20/21 (just before diagnosis) and handled the situation really badly. it was very scary, and once i was through the worst of it i promised myself i'd never feel that low again and next time i'd be stronger and could handle it etc. i am now going through it all again as my relationship of several years has finished.i feel gutted and not far off having a breakdown, just like last time, i'm obsessing over details and it is a massive elephant in the room.i seem to sob first thing in the morning or when something else triggers it off.im developing a big fear of going to work, seeing friends, or anything like that because it is all part of my old life with her and i can't handle hearing her name mentioned, let alone seeing her around or what else....panic builds up in my belly and it leaves me in a bad way. i know i have deep-down fears of abandonment and the A.S.D complicates and makes it worse. I don't want to use anti-depressants. but i don't want to live in fear of forming relationships and going through all of this disaster if they don't work. my biggest fear is one day losing my parents and i want to be in a position where this won't push me over the edge would love some advice. thanks for reading, fogz Edited October 10, 2009 by fogz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jannih Report post Posted October 10, 2009 hi all my mum and dad split up when i was very young (one of my earliest memories) i had a bad experience when i split up with a girlfriend when i was around 20/21 (just before diagnosis) and handled the situation really badly. it was very scary, and once i was through the worst of it i promised myself i'd never feel that low again and next time i'd be stronger and could handle it etc. i am now going through it all again as my relationship of several years has finished.i feel gutted and not far off having a breakdown, just like last time, i'm obsessing over details and it is a massive elephant in the room.i seem to sob first thing in the morning or when something else triggers it off.im developing a big fear of going to work, seeing friends, or anything like that because it is all part of my old life with her and i can't handle hearing her name mentioned, let alone seeing her around or what else....panic builds up in my belly and it leaves me in a bad way. i know i have deep-down fears of abandonment and the A.S.D complicates and makes it worse. I don't want to use anti-depressants. but i don't want to live in fear of forming relationships and going through all of this disaster if they don't work. my biggest fear is one day losing my parents and i want to be in a position where this won't push me over the edge would love some advice. thanks for reading, fogz Hi fogz, I don't really know what to say, other than I feel for you. Being depressed after the break up of a long term relationship is NORMAL. If you didn't feel upset then I would be thinking that you were hard, unfeeling and uncaring. You obviously loved her deeply. You say that you do not want antidepressants and that is your choice. Have you considered counselling. You can get counselling on the NHS, although there is a limit to the number of sessions. Are there friends that you can confide in. I know that it is difficult for guys to share there feelings with each other but maybe you might have a platonic female friend. Do you have a male friend who is not in a relationship, someone with whom you can do " bloke things" eg football, train spotting, couple of lagers down the pub with the lads and any other "no females allowed" pursuits - just a temporary measure of course, as you get over the pain of this break-up. As for the fear of losing your parents that will inevitably happen one day but bear in mind that it is a fact in psychiatric circles that the fear of something is greater than the actual event. One interesting example was that in the run up to WW2, rates of anxiety and depression shot up but once the war started, they plummeted. You will find that you will be able to draw on inner resources you never knew you had. As I said on your other post, stick around and you will find us lot to be Ok. What part of the world are you from. As you will have noticed, people in certain areas meet up occasionally and there might be a "meet" in your part of the country. Please don't give up on forming relationships. You obviously have the capability within yourself in spite of your ASD . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted October 10, 2009 Breaking up with a gf/bf is difficult for many people, including NTs. Did you know there is a social skills group for adults with ASD. run by Surrey NAS, called Aspire? I noticed that their meeting on 29th Oct is "keeping friends and dating" and on 12th Nov "Ending relationships". The meetings are in Godalming. Email bettina.stott@nas.org.uk for more information. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2009 my parents are together i feel bad and guilty paranoid even putting down in words on here but need to as going mad crazy driving me insane round my head thoughts keep turning grrr.... as most of you know my nan is terminally ill has been for 3 years has 2 serious conditions one is breathing other is heart but heart can be operated on due to breathing the docs gave her months to live when first diagnosed with both my mum her main carer has been for all the time she been ill started off with a little work now keeps stepping up a level more and more my mum used to go in once day was twice now 3/4 x a day to check on her our household so busy never stops moving it's getting stupidly silly now unbearably so and pressure and strain of this has affect on my parents relationship agruing all time over trival things alot time but affecting my mood -depression my parents never spend any time together anymore always rushing around after me ,my brother or neice my nan getting increasingly worse eachday tension in household is high and so bad at times don't like to bring it up as then hurts people's feelings but just everyone so stressed tired anxious etc over different situations especially my nan don't want this ending their relationship i'm scared and afraid my mum acts fine but plays on her mind all time and constantly worrying never relaxed and feels bad she ain't at home with her family yet with her dying mum so hard and difficult decisions heartbreaking upsetting emotional /mentally draining your parents have no energy left to give they run down to the ground nothing ever going to be settled for the good ...... i bottle it up keep it in i get inside angry/hurt lost confused i feel so empty so worn down etc had enough XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2009 im scared and afraid of losing my parents even NT's are but in us this fear /anx is maginified twice as hard and obsessed about much more as we depend on ours alot more for help,support,advice independence etc not just that ..... but can so relate to that personally i get fixed and paranoid thinking about it alot more due to situations atm X read above to find answers!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2009 my other nan died 5 months ago i cry myself to sleep so much i blame myself for so much that happening or that's has happened i play mind guilt tricks on myself! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fogz Report post Posted October 10, 2009 jannih - thanks for the advice. i do like spending time with my mates, we play football for a couple of different sides, go out drinking together, hang out and do all the things we like to do. however because i live in a small town, everyone knows everyone, and my ex girlfriend is always on the scene. even if i just go to work and don't socialise, i am still working too close to home, and i am reminded of her at every turn. i am spending a lot of time at my dads which is further away to escape the situation. i am never far from tears. the hurt im feeling inside is a very panicky sort of hurt. kazzen - thank you v. much. i will look into it smiley - i feel your pain, can relate to your situation. i want to ask for help, and you remind me that i'm not the only one going through it. i wish u all the best Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2009 i wish you all best too wish i could stop this hurt and pain i feel so much though i don't like admitting for any help and support Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
