Special_talent123 Report post Posted October 10, 2009 I am worried about someone- i am not mentioning names but i was told not to tell my penpal's mum that he is going to meet a girlfriend he met on the internet and will meet her in person without his mum and dad knowing and my concern is his safety which i get this feeling this girl is not genuine and could take advantage of him. was i doing the right thing to tell them, if it means risking a friendship between me and him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted October 10, 2009 I don't know if you have already told his parents, but if not, you must tell someone. It could be perfectly genuine, but you have no way of telling and he is a vulnerable person. If you can't tell his parents, do you have someone else you could tell who could advise you or speak to his parents? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jannih Report post Posted October 10, 2009 I am worried about someone- i am not mentioning names but i was told not to tell my penpal's mum that he is going to meet a girlfriend he met on the internet and will meet her in person without his mum and dad knowing and my concern is his safety which i get this feeling this girl is not genuine and could take advantage of him. was i doing the right thing to tell them, if it means risking a friendship between me and him? You don't mention your friend's age or why you think this girl may take advantage of him. If he is too young for this kind of thing, then it is important that his mother is told by someone. If you feel you cannot break a condientiality, then ask your friend to supply all details such as : The name of the person. Name of the website where they first "met" Ask your friend to supply you with the persons landline tel. no. If he does not have it, then ask him to get it and find an excuse to phone her, such as last minute arrangements. With a landline, if anything happens, then this person can be traced. Advise your friend to meet her in a public place, in broad daylight. Advise him not to go off with her in a car or visit her house until he gets to know her very well and has built up a sufficient amount of trust The chances are if she is out looking for an easy target she will soon get fed up and move on to the next one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 10, 2009 His age, social awareness etc are all very big factors in this, but I totally agree with the precautions suggested by Jannih, and if there are bigger vulnerability/age issues with mumble's post too. This is slightly odd, because the usual gender roles are reversed, but I think anyone meeting anyone they only know 'casually' (i.e. through the internet) for the first time should do so in a very public place and let someone know where, when and details of who with. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted October 10, 2009 This is slightly odd, because the usual gender roles are reversed The very recent case with the nursery school teacher suggests how important it is that we are not led into a false sense of security by presumed gender roles. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted October 10, 2009 i think perhaps it may be best you talk to your own parents about this, if you are really worried for your friends safety they may be able to offer helpful advice. my gut instinct is to tell your friend to take someone with him if you can't tell his parents. does he have friends that he could take with him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 10, 2009 The very recent case with the nursery school teacher suggests how important it is that we are not led into a false sense of security by presumed gender roles. Yes. Believe me, I wasn't suggesting anyone should be any less wary because the roles were reversed - I was making exactly the same point as you make above. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gordie Report post Posted October 15, 2009 If he was over 18, I would suggest you leave it and don't tell his parents, but maybe ask him to contact you soon after the scheduled meeting, to let you know that everything's okay, so that if you didn't hear from him, you could tell his parents at that time. But if, as your poll question suggests, your penpal is a child (i.e. under 18), then it's a no-brainer for me - you have to tell his parents. Then it's up to them as to how to deal with the situation. Really, he ought to be telling his parents himself - they may well be supportive and encourage him to meet this girl (albeit with the necessary precautions in place). But if they don't feel that's appropriate, then I'm sure that's fair enough. Jannih's advice is very good as well. James Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted October 15, 2009 I think the suggestions like getting a landline number are important and meeting in a public place and not going off together on the first date and definately not getting into a car. If possible have someone go with him. They don't have to sit with them, just in the same place. When I was living abroad I got myself into a potentially dangerous situation when I was flat hunting. I went to look at a flat and it had already been taken, but someone in the building saw me and said that they had a room for rent. I went to have a look at it and he started coming on to me. Luckily I managed to get out the situation by saying that my boyfriend was waiting for me downstairs, but I did have to physically push him off me. Not nice. And of course I had no-one with me. And at that moment I realised that no-one knew where I was and that if I went missing they would have no idea where to start looking. I have never made that mistake again. I also seem to remember there is a website regarding an estate agent that went missing after going to meet a potential client. I think there is supposed to be advice on that website. Maybe someone on this forum can remember her name??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted October 15, 2009 I think the suggestions like getting a landline number are important and meeting in a public place and not going off together on the first date and definately not getting into a car. If possible have someone go with him. They don't have to sit with them, just in the same place. When I was living abroad I got myself into a potentially dangerous situation when I was flat hunting. I went to look at a flat and it had already been taken, but someone in the building saw me and said that they had a room for rent. I went to have a look at it and he started coming on to me. Luckily I managed to get out the situation by saying that my boyfriend was waiting for me downstairs, but I did have to physically push him off me. Not nice. And of course I had no-one with me. And at that moment I realised that no-one knew where I was and that if I went missing they would have no idea where to start looking. I have never made that mistake again. I also seem to remember there is a website regarding an estate agent that went missing after going to meet a potential client. I think there is supposed to be advice on that website. Maybe someone on this forum can remember her name??? Hi.I think it is the Suzy Lamplugh Trust. http://www.suzylamplugh.org/content.asp?PageID=1086 This is the link.Information is on the site under ''Internet Safety'' but other sections are very good too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted October 15, 2009 (edited) I am worried about someone- i am not mentioning names but i was told not to tell my penpal's mum that he is going to meet a girlfriend he met on the internet and will meet her in person without his mum and dad knowing and my concern is his safety which i get this feeling this girl is not genuine and could take advantage of him. was i doing the right thing to tell them, if it means risking a friendship between me and him? Hi I think by telling the parents/carer, you're only showing concern (wish I had a friend like you to look out for me!). Granted, the person concerned may be displeased, but your intentions would be good if you did share this info. Could you broach the subject with the person concerned and tell him how concerned you are? Often, there's safety in numbers - is it possible you could suggest you go and another friend perhaps go along. Caroline. Edited October 15, 2009 by cmuir Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special_talent123 Report post Posted November 17, 2009 right i only just found this. because of what he told me and i cant reveal any of his details but child means under 18, well i had to tell a team and they had to have words with his mum so that he didnt know it came from me. but he is ok with me now, so he understands the dangers now. i dont know if it happened but his mum got back in touch with me and said she would go with him, which put it at ease for me. the case is closed now just be careful who u meet, you never know the danger your putting yourself in when you meet online. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted November 17, 2009 Glad it got sorted. I think the internet is a brilliant tool for people to use. However people can post anything about themselves on the internet and none of it could be true. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special_talent123 Report post Posted November 17, 2009 Glad it got sorted. I think the internet is a brilliant tool for people to use. However people can post anything about themselves on the internet and none of it could be true. i agree. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tomisms Report post Posted November 17, 2009 Glad it all turned out OK in the end. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
