loonytune Report post Posted October 18, 2009 HI all I am new here and wondered if I could ask for advice. I have a 16 year old daughter who has had many problems over the years but everything is only just starting to come to light really. When she was about 4 years old my mum died and her behaviour became very problematic, a lot of hitting, pinching etc other children, acting up in the classroom etc. It got to the point when she was at junior school they said she would have to be excluded at lunchtimes because they couldnt have children like her there at lunchtime. When she went to seniors things settled to some degree and she became calmer. However she was constantly on report, would have clown like outbursts in class, didnt seem able to control herself. Teachers were very negative about this rather than offering any support. She did fairly well in her GCSEs and is now at college doing a child diploma. Her lecturer rang me on Friday to say had I ever considered that my daughter could have Asperger's Syndrome? Well this totally threw me as I had always thought something was not quite *right* with her but I just presumed this was her personality? Her *problems* are as follows:- She doesnt seem to be able to comprehend anyones own personal space. An example of this is that when we go abroad we have to tell her constantly not to jump onto people in swimming pools as she will hurt them, she will just jump in with no prior thought that she will actually land on someone! She will walk around in a daze and will often bump into me around the house. She doesnt seem to connect, I could sit and cry in front of her and she wouldnt offer any emotion. She will just look vacant. When we had to have her cat put down, she didnt show any emotion at all. She doesnt seem to care if she upsets someone, and would never offer an apology or cuddle anyone. She has obsessions with her current choice, i.e. at one time she was obsessed with the designed Fred Perry and would spend hours in the shop and if she had any spare money would always buy Fred Perry. But then she will have a new obsession, her current one is plimsolls and she buys 100s of pairs of them. She is very very clumsy, will drop things very easily and will knock into things constantly. She has flat feet and stomps alot. She struggles to write, she is very intelligent but her words are always jumbled and she finds it difficult to write what she is thinking. She interupts all the time when people are speaking, and seems to struggle to know how to make conversation, she is either quiet or very waffley! She has recently told me that she is gay, or that she is bi-sexual, but she is a bit confused. She said she definitely fancies women but she has never had a relationship really with either a male or a female. She is very immature for her age, she looks around 22 and acts around 14. She cannot cope with more than one command at once, and takes hours to do tasks. I work for CAMHS myself and perhaps should have picked up on these cues over the years and am now feeling terribly guilty, but I believed over the years that this was just her personality. Can anyone please offer me any advice? My daughter said she wants to feel normal, and she is starting to have bouts of anger when nothing I do or say can calm her, and she was punching in walls last week and calling me awful names. Since then she has been very calm and lovely again, but not loving in the slightest and she would NEVER apologise for anything. Feel a little lost with all this. Thanks so much Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted October 18, 2009 Hello,first of all do not feel guilty being a mum is not easy and you will discover people much older that your daughter in their 20's even 40's discovering they have AS I am sure their mums did equally a great job as you are doing.My son is six(ASpergers) but so much of what you said about your daughter reminds me of Sam,he also doesnt acknoeledge others personal space and waffles on.Though he is sympathetic to feelings at times.I think you should go to your GP and insist on an assesment,make a note of all the things that trouble you giving a real life example of her behaviour.Try and make a diary before and after you have seen the GP,you may not say all of what you have written but good to cover everything think of what is most concerning to you.It may take time for the assesment so just keep writting when you spot something "odd" the only way you will know if its ASD is if she is assesed.Good luck,better late than never! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 19, 2009 all signs you have listed there are all common and main AS traits i would get her assessed ASAP as sounds very likely the teacher is pointing in right direction with this! something not always been right is how many parents and sufferers alike explain how life and that person can seem to be! so you're not only one there! and hard to know what you're looking for unless you know abit about AS in first place but description gave definetly worth seeing a professional she got quite along list there already so sounds like candidate of AS! possibility is there! as i can relate personally to every sign put on there by yourself naming your daughter and i have AS myself! here's some more detail and information on the signs and what AS actually is: http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=212 http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1045&a=8018 http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=120 http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=121 diagnosis process and effects on fam after http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp...031&a=10455 http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1045 i'll post you some more links on another post! lol take care good luck with this! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 19, 2009 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_synd...#Classification http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/info_adolescents.htm http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/info_books.htm http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/what_as.htm http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/faq.htm#6 http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/asper...ndrome-symptoms http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/aut...re_the_symptoms? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1166811.stm http://autism.about.com/od/aspergerssyndro...tsaspergers.htm hope these web links uncover more 'truth answers' behind 'the hidden background' it's natural process as a parent to put the blame on you guilt trip yourself please DON'T it's no-one fault! and you're researching information as we speak so that shows how much you want to learn know and grow in this whole new experience of this situation! you will feel a range of emotions/feelings if or when assessment/diagnosis process begins and so will your daughter! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted October 19, 2009 Hi loonytune, welcome to the forum, I'm the parent of a daughter who got a diagnosis of AS at 15, and I can relate to a lot of what you say. First of all, please don't feel guilty. We also didn't spot the signs despite having degrees and experience in psychology and language related professions. As you say, you just accept your child for what they are - I don't think that's entirely a bad thing either. The positive thing is, your daughter has made it through the tough school years with some results- well done to her and to you. You can breath a sigh of relief that you don't have to negotiate the school SEN system. You may be wondering if it's right to pursue the possibility of an AS diagnosis. If she does have AS, it may help her to feel better about herself, and it may help to get more support at college if this is what she needs. Have you discussed this with her and if so, how does she feel about it? As your daughter is 16, any decision will obviously have to be entirely hers. I don't think normal teenage hormones and identity problems can be ignored, especially if she is questioning her own sexuality as well. My daughter is 20 and a lot of the angst she was going through at around 16 has been worked through and she's a lot more comfortable in her own skin than she used to be. Not much comfort now, but you may just have to ride the storm to some extent. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misswissy Report post Posted October 20, 2009 Hello Loonytune, Just wanted to say hi, and well done to you for getting your daughter as far as you have. I have a 16 year old son and have recently sought advice on this forum as you are doing. My son is still in year 11 and I am having no joy in getting either the school or his GP to refer to CAMHS. I am a teacher and have worked with asperger and autistic children in my mainstream class, and I too did not pick up on my son for many years. I always knew he was very difficult, and always knew he was different to my other two children but I just never made the connection until he was in Year 8. Since then I have had very little joy. Working for CAMHS yourself you will have support and advice to hand from your colleagues but a lot of what you describe sounds so like my son, eg, personal space, clumsy, but a lot is also very different, he is very loving and affectionate but also very aggressive and violent. We have periods of relative calm, where we question why we ever thought there was a problem and then all hell breaks loose and we just know something is very wrong. I would be interested in knowing how things go with your pursuit of a diagnosis if you choose that route and I sincerely hope you have more joy than I have had. Good luck and keep us posted. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
