Hello newbie here, help/advice needed pls

[peachie]

Hello everybody, I recently found this site and wondered if you wouldn't all mind giving me some advice please.

 

My son is nearly 19 years old and was diagnosed with Aspergers about six years ago, it took a while to get the diagnosis but when we did everything fell into place and the last few years havn't been too bad... Fast forward to about six months ago and things seem to be going from bad to worse.

 

My son is working part-time and has had a girlfriend for about 18 months, he has always suffered from panic/anxiety attacks and they started to get worse. He used to come home with marks on his face and say he couldnt remember how it had happened, he was having a panic attack. I took him to the GP who referred him to the menta l health team who made an assessment and deceided that he needed a course of CBT. This finally came through in about August,one session per week. In September the g/f went on holiday and we went away for a couple of days, everything seemed ok. Things changed when we got back. There seemed to be a distance between him and g/f and he went into, well all I can call it is manic mode. He couldnt settle at all, out all the time at Nightclubs and pubs, drinking on medication (not very much, but enough) not sleeping and scratching at his face. I took him out for the day to the coast, big shopping centre and he was just manic. He wanted to look in the shops but couldnt stay in each one for more than a few seconds.

 

We went back to the GP who doubled his dose of anti-depressants and referred him again for assessment. They have now decieded he needs to see a Psychiatrist but this appt won't be until 17 Novemeber.

 

 

Now if you have read this far I'm really grateful!

 

 

Last weekend the real problems started, he had been going out alot and I was collecting him and I really thought things were maybe calming down, until last Friday. He went off out quite happy and I picked him up at 3.15, only he wasn't there with his friend. I waited until 3.45 and drove round the town looking for him, very very worried because of recent troubles, We found him in the police station with his lip busted open and shirt half ripped off down the front. The police had called and ambulance and they took him to hospital, we followed.Hospital checked him out but I thought he may get a bit more help from them as he told them that he had a panic attack, hurt himself and did'nt feel safe, he thought he might really hurt himself or someone else. He had been wondering doen by the River Thames.

 

On Saturday he slept most of the day and his friend turned up and told be what had happened the night before, he had a p attack in the club, she said that he had been argueing with the g/f and then it had started, she said he passed out, got himself together and run off. She also said he told her at work the other day that he is bi-polar. This has been discussed with the Mental health team and thats why he has to see a psychiatrist, at no time has he been told he has this.

After the friend left he got and said he was going out,I tried to reason with him and explain that clubbing again wasn't a good idea. Well that was when it got very worrying, I have never seen him look as he did, he's eyes were really very strange, he leant over me and just very threatenly said "I'm going out" he also said he was older now and had t sort himself out. He took off and run about 3 miles to his g/f. She texted me and said he was there he had cut himself on the face and arms with glass and was acting very strange, also earlier had sent her very strange text saying goodbye.... So into panic mode I went and the decision was made and an ambulance was called with a police backup. Back to hospital thinking that he really might get some help and he was sent home with 5mg diazepam 3 times a day.

 

Now I really think I should get to the point, and that is... I know he's suffering but something makes me feel that he knows what he's doing. I know now that he lies to me and tells people that he doesn't really get any support. That is a lie, I gave up work 5 years ago and devote my life to him, I'm a single parent and my mother is a great help. He really does have all the support he possibly could.

He also lies to his g/f, this has all come out this week, he told her a couple of weeks ago he was on the way to hospital, he was at home in bed, no wonder he wanted my mobile she was trying to get hold of me but thought I might be driving to the hospital! I was in bed.

 

Theres many other things that have happened, too many to mention. I think what I'm asking is.. 1 Can the anxiety get so bad that he would act manic or could that maybe something else? 2 Is it common for people for Aspergers to be controlling and lie.

 

Really any thoughts would be appriciated as I'm really very worried and frightened. I'm worried he is going to really hurt himself, he is just so unapproachable and he is always right.

 

 

 

[Mumble]

tells people that he doesn't really get any support. That is a lie, I gave up work 5 years ago and devote my life to him, I'm a single parent and my mother is a great help. He really does have all the support he possibly could.

 

...

 

Is it common for people for Aspergers to be controlling and lie.

Hi, welcome to the forum I'm quite tired now, so may come back with more of a response later and this may not fully make sense. I felt a need to reply because I could identify in part with the situation your son appears to be in in terms of how he is feeling (I haven't reacted in the same way, I don't go out to clubs, drink etc but in terms of the self-harm, wandering by the Thames, panic attacks etc). I just wanted to try and answer your points about lying and support because in part this is similar to my situation (although for me it's not a parent, but others providing 'support'). Often people look in terms of the ASD person as the one who doesn't understand/comprehend/empathise/see what others are doing/who is being inflexible etc. but it has to be recognised that this is two way. To you, and I'm not for a moment saying you are not, but this is your perception, you are providing support, and so your son is 'lying' by saying he doesn't have support, but have you actually asked how he is interpreting support, what he needs and what he sees you as providing. Now you may think of this as pedantic, but ASD people can be very literal. Support has been a huge issue for me because others have provided what they think I need or reinterpreted my needs rather than providing what I actually need.

 

It sounds like you and your son may have built up a getting by way of coping but the recent strains have highlighted gaps. I don't think it's helpful to think in terms of being controlling and lying (and no, these aren't part of the ASD diagnostic criteria) - he may well be being controlling to get some sense of control in his life particularly if, with the anxiety/panic attacks he feels like he doesn't have control.

 

I think this isn't going to be easy to solve and you're going to all need support and ease off from each other whilst still ensuring your son is safe. Without wanting to alarm you, he is clearly very distressed and his wellbeing must be paramount. It sounds like you're 'in the system' but that, as usual, things are rather slow. I would be taking him back to and hounding the GP. If things get worse, take him to A&E for an emergency assessment. There is a link on the top of this forum to crisis support as well for other sources of help.

 

[jb1964]

To you, and I'm not for a moment saying you are not, but this is your perception, you are providing support, and so your son is 'lying' by saying he doesn't have support, but have you actually asked how he is interpreting support, what he needs and what he sees you as providing. Now you may think of this as pedantic, but ASD people can be very literal. Support has been a huge issue for me because others have provided what they think I need or reinterpreted my needs rather than providing what I actually need.

 

Hi Peachie,

 

Sorry that I can't help but just wanted to say thinking of you.

 

Mumble - what you wrote about perception is perfect in describing how my daughter see things so differently to me.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited November 7, 2009 by jb1964

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

Even before I got to the bipolar part, I was going to suggest this as a possibility. The recent, really bizarre behaviour may be a mixed episode.

 

Giving antidepressants to a person with bipolar disorder is very dangerous and can cause them to have manic or mixed episodes. Doubling the dose of antidepressants after the onset of manic symptoms sounds an absolutely crazy thing to do, and may be what has triggered his recent behaviour. I think there are clear grounds here for a formal complaint, but first your son needs an emergency appointment with a different GP first thing on Monday morning. Hopefully his psychiatrist appointment can be brought forward as well.

 

If things get out of control before you can get him to the GP, you need to get him to A&E.

[peachie]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.

 

If you don't mind I'll reply in full tomorrow,just trying to sort a few bits out here!

 

One thing I forgot to add on the enormous post was that at hospital last Saturday night I did query the Certraline dose, they told me to leave him on it, we went to the GP on Monday and again asked about comeing off of it, she looked a few things up and halved the dose the other GP had given him, she said she can't stop it all together straight away. She also faxed Mental health team for an earlier appt, also his Aspergers Support Service spoke to the hospital and asked for the appt to be brought forward, neither had any luck, so its still mid November.

 

Again thanks will be back tomorrow.

[Tally]

Given your son is on a high dose of Valium to counteract the effects of the antidepressants, I think it's worth seeing if the GP thinks the withdrawal symptoms might be a better option. She can always phone the psychiatrist to check.

 

Does your son's appointment letter have a contact phone number for the psychiatrist? If you call yourself to explain that things have reached crisis point and you don't know how to keep your son safe, you may find an appointment miraculously appears. If you don't make yourself really annoying, you basically get nothing from the mental health services.

[smiley1590]

i can relate to your son's personal experiences with wandering on own , being manic high then real deep low and also self-harming too i also have anxiety and panic attacks at times i ended up having to go A n E hosp over my self harm etc things can quickly get 'out of control' and be shock to everyone's system when this happens even your son as person going through it you feel powerless ,helpless,confused lost in everything like no-one can reach you to save you from your life it's so frustrating yet having AS there with MH problems so complicates it further! if your son's manic epidsodes i would research further into the signs and if matches up with bipolar disorder as this could be a possibility with what you've described already how long he felt this way? has it been long? been manic state self harming etc is there a main trigger that you can think of that could have made him react in this way? an major event in his life maybe?

 

when go through this you want to protect those closest to you from going through it too but doesn't work that way anyway as parents worry anyway know it scary time for everyone and you probably feel helpless scared etc too just like your son is! is he depressed with the mania and self harm? has he talked about or expressed suicidal thoughts at all? has he been with aspergers support service long? have the GP's been useful? it's a long battle struggle fighting for power all time and takes all your energy everything you have you get so damn tired of fighting everything it wears you down having to 'hide' it away daily drags you under so fast like a undercurrent in the sea a torrando etc feels like you could 'explode' literally with everything going on and hurts angers so deep having to feel it! having no choice you just want to run away and deny it you and your life etc

 

maybe he's drinking while on meds i used to do this too another way to punish myself for being 'bad' suppose another form of self harm really thinking about it in that way! never thought of that until now! and drinking make him more depressed drag him down further though i can talk myself! hypcrite hey! it's so dangerous lethal cocktail of chemicals in blood stream could kill him or damage him alot but i think that's the point there! you blame yourself for having all this there in first place feel you caused it and should have stopped it somehow! question it all time being there with you can't breathe like overwhelming and suffocating all time! it nightmare that won't leave you alone unbearable!

 

i don't sleep well many people with AS don't let alone people with both AS and MH probs such as anxiety etc this can add to their difficulties switching off and claming down to sleep! i've been on anti-depressants on and off for 5 years and with CAMHS/adult MH team pyschologist/pyschtrists but left as in my local area wasn't very supportive or understanding doing me more damage and harm than good CBT supposebly doesn't work effectively with people with AS as MH treatment for them so very hard to work out what to suggest or what could work ....!

 

i know what living with this is like it not nice very hard and difficult to escape find 'way out' from and 'open up' and talk .... but hope your son finds a 'safe way' self harm very addictive but common in ASD people as lets off endorphins (happy hormones)! within the brain which helps cope with MH probs things 'slipping out of his reach rapidly he needs help handling things even though he won't admit to this! i know secretly i needed my family around him still felt alone invisible etc out of touch with reality etc he's isolated aswell which doesn't make things any better easier knowing you're not 'normal' with society yet you can see our 'struggles' difficulties is hard going ......

 

good luck though

hope all goes well with Mental health team and Aspergers Support Service

 

do you keep a daily record of moods he having that day how he acting behaving??? then could take along to meetings

with both prove everything has happened as back up or if you forget something!

 

does he keep a diary of his thoughts/feelings this has helped me alot 'let it out' ?!

 

do you think medication helps him in anyway at the moment? can you see any improvement in this mood behaviour pattern? as this may need to be altered to another one different type maybe if not!? maybe need to bring up with mental health team

 

 

 

 

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