Distressing Outing

[claretails]

This isn't really a question I just need to offload.

 

I have twin girls who are 3 years old anwere diagnosed with ASD in June this year, not a huge shock but still requires adjustment on my part. They are getting all the help that is available and are curently attending a specialist nursery, in fact I can't fault my LA and all the departments involved with my girls. Their main problems are with their speech, particularly for number one twin whom also does not socialise with other children but will mostly tolerate them as long as they do not invade her space.

 

Last weekend my bother and his wife came down with their two children and we decided go to the Wacky Warehouse. I'm always wary of taking the girls to these types of places although I rarely have any problems and as they love to play and climb I don't want to deprive them. So we went and it started off o.k with my eldest going down the slide a few times but then because it was so busy she began to go into meltdown. She lay in the balls at the bottom of the slide and started crying and shouting and thrashing about. As there is very little I can do to calm her down when she gets like this I decided just to move her away from the slide and let her get it out of her system. This was fine at first but then I noticed that the other children were then throwing balls at her and dive - bombing on her, obviously I was in there like a shot and she didn't seem to be particularly bothered by it all but it really upset me. I know these other children were not really being malicious and my daughter didn't really understand what was happening but it broke my heart and made me start wondering if this was going to be a recurring theme. It took all of my strength not to shout at the children, instead I removed her from the situation, gave her a drink and from then she was fine and went off to climb which is one of the things she does best.

 

I have always worried about their future but this just seemed to bring it home to me and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since. They are both loving intelligent beautiful little girls and I just want what is best for them I just worry that sometimes I'm not doing that.

[justine1]

Hi sorry about your stressful experience I have been there many times with my six yr old.I know this may sound strnage but were you talking to your brother and his wife when she had the meltdown?I had discovered after four years of tantrams that my son often did this when he wanted me to watch him and be aware of what was going on,instead of him to say " mummy I am not getting my turn on the slide" or "mummy watch me on the slide" he would just throw a massive tantrum,funny enough it was usually when my brother was with me,I believe its all part off the control thing he can see I have a special bond with my brother and it makes him get insecure.I dont really know what to suggest,I had to change things alittle in that I would often have to be watching him while talking to my brother and I also learnt to see warning signs when he would get upset and diffuse the situation,this all has taken time and I can only say since the start of this year he has made huge improvements.There was a meltdown when we went to a farm during summer but it was because we were leaving and they were all tired,which happens to other parents.One thing I can say is dont feel you need to change your whole way of life because of the AS,of course we need to make adjustments,but by not taking your girls on outings it will only isolate you and them.I dont take my son shopping I do it all online,except if he wants clothes and we just go dirctly to that shop then home,he wonders off and I feel its stressful for both of us.He does like going for walks and we fortunate enough to live near some great parks where he can run around and make loads of noise.Anyway from my experience my son is learning everyday and I can see a huge difference in him now compared to four years or even a year ago,I think as parents we learn our own techniques to manage such behaviour what is good for me may not be good for you.

[Sally44]

I have had instances like that too. It isn't nice and it is worrying. But remember that all children do have episodes like this. Our children may have more of them, that is true. And we do the best we can to ensure they don't happen, or that adults are aware (ie. in school). Our children are more vulnerable because they cannot always communicate with other children. Or they maybe doing things that are annoying other children. Once my son was in the ball pit and other children wanted to jump in it and they kept asking him to move and he just ignored them. So they jumped in and landed on him and all hell broke loose!!

But remember that they are very young, and how things are now is not how they will be later on. I think that just being aware that our children are more vulnerable is enough so that we try to cover all the bases. You can't really do more than that. And you cannot peer into the future. You can only deal with what is happening today and in the immediate future. So don't worry about that far forward. Concentrate on the here and now.

[trekster]

i would use my autism alert card in that instance. Or at least say to the other kids "thats not nice, shes upset"

 

Alexis