bid Report post Posted January 21, 2010 Following on from the thread about ToM, and a chat I was having with a friend, I wondered if anyone else with AS feels 'invisible'? I tend to forget that other people can see me I guess it's almost as though I'm in a bubble as I go about my business. But then I very often don't register other people either! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ric Report post Posted January 21, 2010 Hi bid, yes I get very similar feeling. I try not to notice people sometimes and therefore I feel that they can't see me. Wich I feel is good, for me. Ric :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted January 21, 2010 I do feel invisible most of the time. I feel most people ignore me, don't take me seriously or feel I offer anything useful to say. On the other hand, I feel very highly self concious when I'm out. That's when I wish I really was invisible. I hate people I know seeing me when I'm out. Even close friends. I go out with the intention of shopping or whatever, not for a chat. I am hiding now. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ric Report post Posted January 21, 2010 Yes darky, that is precisely how I am, I even prefer to go out after dark for this reason. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 21, 2010 (edited) I do feel invisible most of the time. I feel most people ignore me, don't take me seriously or feel I offer anything useful to say. On the other hand, I feel very highly self concious when I'm out. That's when I wish I really was invisible. I hate people I know seeing me when I'm out. Even close friends. I go out with the intention of shopping or whatever, not for a chat. I am hiding now. I'm really sorry you feel like that, Darky I always enjoy your posts and value your perspective! For me, it's not really a negative thing. Although I agree that I do often hide when I'm out if I see anyone I know, even if I like them, just because it feels too awkward and disconcerting to see them spontaneously. A really weird thing happened yesterday when I was walking to the shops near our house. A woman walking towards me said "Hi, I feel I know you because we see each other so often!' Well, I don't recall ever seeing her before in my life!! :lol: And my friend who I work with was cracking up because I was really taken aback when he was laughing about the things I do when I'm excited or cross (laughing in a nice way) because it hadn't really registered that he would be watching me and that I flap and shake my head?? Thanks for your thoughts Ric and Darky Bid Edited January 21, 2010 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted January 21, 2010 I have often felt invisible and like I am in a bubble, but I never saw a connection with AS before. Sometimes it's a positive thing because it makes me feel less self-conscious, and there are times I wish I could be invisible so no one would notice me. It's a state I often deliberately try to put myself in so that I can go out. Other times though, I think it's due to low self-esteem and feeling insignificant. When I was at school, my friend and I sometimes thought we were invisible and used to joke we were lucky no one tried to sit on us. One lesson we spent the entire hour with our hands up waiting for the teacher to help us, only to be told off at the end of the lesson because we had done no work. Another time we sat under our desk the whole lesson, and no one seemed to notice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
capt_slog Report post Posted January 21, 2010 I posted a few days ago on this subject. I've learned over the years, to mask or hide by trying to appear like NT people. but for me at least its always been a guessing game, based on how things were last time. But NT society is elastic and flows around and about at a seconds notice. I'm ok at doing this with people I know and who know me, but I have often wandered in, guns blazing sometimes:- and got everything totally wrong. Then the worst thing happens! I start trying to apologise, and just end up putting my foot in my mouth even more. As I said on my last post, life is much more complicated than it appears to be. For ppl with AS it can sometimes be utterly confusing. Too much info and I sort of shut down, I have to stand alone for a min or two, just to let it pass. I'm having a lot of emotions coming up from god knows where, the yr or so since i was diagnosed have opened up my past, all those things, times and people, I've re-run my life over and keep thinking (if only i knew then what i know now). But theres no point in beating yourself up over something you knew nothing about. I have had quite a fine time, met and lost some really good friends, just for being me. People have said to me ' I like you; you're a bit off the wall sometimes, but you're ok'. Fine words, everyone needs someone. To be honest I've been giving myselve quite a hard time, fretting and wishing I didn't let the Genie out of the bottle, but he's out now and I just still - have to accept that I have AS - I want to type and chat with other ppl with AS, compare notes or whatever, I'm fairly intelligent and socialble, but always felt like I'd been teleported from another world, onto this planet. I feel sure many of you feel the same. capt slog Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meethoss Report post Posted January 22, 2010 I wouldn't say I feel invisible, but what you say about being in a bubble...that is spot on for me! Sometimes I'm just completely oblivious to what is going on around me and I suddenly notice and then it's like I re-enter reality. Most people don't notice this but my boss in work has noticed it in our management meetings, although she's never said anything - I've just looked up after coming fully conscious (note: not asleep) and seen her looking at me, and this has happened more than a few times. Socially I'm generally ok. I've become quite the master of disguising myself (my true personality, not literally a disguise) and learning to appear like everyone else - trial and error like Capt Slog says. But I also just sometimes completely trip up - say things that I don't realise are offensive etc. and then am completely dumbfounded when someone is offended. Today hasn't been great for me socially - nothing bad really happened, I just completely lost my ability to function. Worked all day on some programming, which I rarely do these days as it's mostly management, so had my head deep in thought all day - and it's a different type of thought, very analytical and all about problem solving - and as I worked at home I was on my own all day. Anyway, went to the cinema to meet my friends and before and after I just couldn't follow any part of their conversations. I kept having to ask what they were talking about and they were saying "remember..." and I couldn't remember anything and they had to explain things to me. This was something that happened 2 weeks ago. They thought it was pretty funny and nobody took offence, but this happens to me every so often and used to cause ructions with my ex (she was a bit mental). Usually I'm ok with the way I am but sometimes it can really get me down, mostly associated with romantic relationships. It upsets me that I never know what to say and then am never able to approach someone I like or have a sensible conversation without getting tongue tied or just being completely silent. I look back at my last relationship and realise now why I struggled so much, and even though I explained my difficulties to her she didn't believe me and that angers me. Now that I know I have AS I know why I am that why and I feel like if it occurs again I can explain things a little better - so I'm much happier that I have a diagnosis, a reason that I am different! The one thing I struggle with most, which I haven't seen anyone discussing here so far, is my obsessive personality. I get very intense about certain topics (the key one throughout my life is computing, although that's landed me two awesome jobs so that's the positive aspect of it) and girls who I have romantic feels for and in the past it has caused issues. These days I'm kinda managing it but it does feel like I'm only barely holding on. Does anyone else get like this? Any advice anyone can give me on that? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meethoss Report post Posted January 22, 2010 P.S. Just had a worrying thought - when I say girls I mean females around my age, nothing else! I guess I should say women as I'm 26 but it's just a habit from growing up to say girls. Don't want anyone thinking I'm dodgy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted January 22, 2010 Following on from the thread about ToM, and a chat I was having with a friend, I wondered if anyone else with AS feels 'invisible'? Did somebody say something? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 22, 2010 Pardon? Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted January 23, 2010 Pardon? Bid :lol: In all seriousness (yep, I can do serious occasionally ) I totally recognise what you're saying about the feeling of being in a bubble and of others simply not noticing me (and me not noticing others). I feel that my 'bubble' is almost like a sensory defencive 'shield' I create around me to help me when I'm outside of my comfort zone in that it allows me to block out or at least deaden some of the sensory input I would have to cope with if I was more 'aware', so to speak. I'm not sure though how it relates to a feeling I have that others treat me as invisible - I've put it down in part to a rigid rule following/politeness view on life I have whereby I'll stand out of people's way, say thank-you, hold doors open, try to respond to needs by giving up bus seats etc. but that society has changed and fewer people respond to others in such a way, hence it feels as though people are treating me as invisible when actually they're treating me the same as anyone, but others don't notice it because they equally don't engage in thoughtful activities so it doesn't seem as odd to them when people don't for instance say thank-you/excuse-me, etc. Maybe. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meethoss Report post Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) Wow - Mumble has a personal force field! I'm quite the same in terms of following those rules about politeness - opening doors etc. and I often get funny looks or remarks of surprise, I guess because most people aren't like that these days. However, I never offer people a drink when they come over because it just doesn't occur to me they may want one, so now I purposely make a habit of doing it. Not sure if the bubble is something you create or if it's a by-product. I sometimes find my senses overload and just can't manage it so just shut off. Last night I was in the pub with my friends and there was loud music and lots of people talking and a few times I just sat there quiet because there was so much going on that I couldn't really function, and it made me feel quite uneasy - so much so I had to go to the toilet a couple of times Edited January 23, 2010 by Meethoss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 23, 2010 Thanks for the replies everyone Do you think this feeling is related to Theory of Mind? Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meethoss Report post Posted January 23, 2010 Yes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted January 23, 2010 Do you think this feeling is related to Theory of Mind? Well ToM says that I am un/less aware of others having thoughts different to my own. When out I get irritated that others walk too close to me, do things that frustrate me that wouldn't others, don't walk the way or take the actions I am expecting etc. Of course those individuals don't know what I am expecting and have their own independent thoughts about movement. So I guess you could say that my irritation, feelings of being invisible and resultant coping strategies are related to ToM. (BTW, I can work this out with time - those thoughts which suggest ToM don't happen 'in the moment'). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
