Staying at school until 12 midday

[Karen A]

Hi justine.

I just double checked as I was not sure of your son's age.

If I am right that he is 6 and especially if he happens to be one of the youngest in year 1 [ ] then it might be worth considering what you feel would help.

Ben has a June birthday and was always one of the youngest in class.I do think it makes a big difference.

If your son is tired and you feel he cannot cope with full days or you feel he simply cannot cope at lunch time then I did not intend to suggest that you should leave him in a situation you feel unhappy with.

We have just started Ben back on packed lunches because he could not cope with a huge dining hall and he is 11.

Ben has a Statement and we could have pushed harder for support to be put in place but we decided it was not worth leaving Ben so unhappy whilst attempting to negotiate different arrangements.

 

During the bad weather a few weeks ago I almost took Ben home even though it might have been recorded as an unauthorised abscence because school were unsure whether they had enough staff to cope.I prefered to take Ben home than leave him in a situation where he would become stressed and challenging just to prove a point.

 

 

Karen.

 

[Karen A]

It will be difficult for you to return to Uni.

I was 18 months into a degree course when I dropped out. I had done a 3 year access course prior to that.

There is another post about parents changing jobs or leaving work because of their child on the spectrum.

That isn't necessarily the fault of the child. Many times it is about not having the right educational or out of school provision available. And as you know ASD is 24/7 - so studying at home can be diffiuclt - but not impossible.

There are also professional mums and dads out there who manage to keep their careers. Hats off to them.

 

Sometimes, if there is a parent available, it can be an easy option for the school to phone home for the parent to come and collect the child. If that is not a possibility that can sometimes mean the right provison has to be provided earlier because there are no other options. For example my son vomits when anxious. I was so fed up of having to go and collect him from school that I stopped answering my phone. That meant they had to deal with it and therefore I believe they increased supports or used strategies to ensure he did not get to that level of anxiety. Afterall no one likes having to deal with vomit. And therefore you may have to take this approach with all your children if you begin this course.

 

Sally I am sorry but I cannot let this post pass without comment.

I am fully supportive of parents.I have been called to school more times than I can remember and still cannot return to work.

However I find it very upsetting to hear that you would leave your son who had been sick for someone else to kleen him up in order to make a point.

Being sick is an awful experience for any child.A child does not know why they have been sick.

As for not answering the phone I am shocked.

I have answered phone calls from school regarding dozens of trivial issues that could have been left.

Then there was the one call where Ben was in an extremely stressed state and in severe pain because he had broken his arm.

 

[justine1]

It will be difficult for you to return to Uni.

I was 18 months into a degree course when I dropped out. I had done a 3 year access course prior to that.

There is another post about parents changing jobs or leaving work because of their child on the spectrum.

That isn't necessarily the fault of the child. Many times it is about not having the right educational or out of school provision available. And as you know ASD is 24/7 - so studying at home can be diffiuclt - but not impossible.

There are also professional mums and dads out there who manage to keep their careers. Hats off to them.

 

Sometimes, if there is a parent available, it can be an easy option for the school to phone home for the parent to come and collect the child. If that is not a possibility that can sometimes mean the right provison has to be provided earlier because there are no other options. For example my son vomits when anxious. I was so fed up of having to go and collect him from school that I stopped answering my phone. That meant they had to deal with it and therefore I believe they increased supports or used strategies to ensure he did not get to that level of anxiety. Afterall no one likes having to deal with vomit. And therefore you may have to take this approach with all your children if you begin this course.

Hi Sally I agree it can be hard.I have been studying at home through OU for two years now and I have four kids and studied when I had a newborn(who is now 18months) I also manage to meet all the deadlines and get in the region of 60-70% for my assignments.On top of which I am a single mum.However I am very determined to get a degree.

 

I know exactly what you mean,I do feel the school take advantage because I am home everyday so can collect him.Well I hope to have him settled either at his present school ,a new mainstream or a ASD school,by the time I study.My father is very close to Sam so he will be able to collect him if anything goes wrong,or even collect the others if they are unwell.I will be able to take the odd day off if its really needed.So I feel I am prepared.If I wait until he is older something else may crop up and I do not intend on living off the state for the next 12 years!

[justine1]

Hi justine.

I just double checked as I was not sure of your son's age.

If I am right that he is 6 and especially if he happens to be one of the youngest in year 1 [ ] then it might be worth considering what you feel would help.

Ben has a June birthday and was always one of the youngest in class.I do think it makes a big difference.

If your son is tired and you feel he cannot cope with full days or you feel he simply cannot cope at lunch time then I did not intend to suggest that you should leave him in a situation you feel unhappy with.

We have just started Ben back on packed lunches because he could not cope with a huge dining hall and he is 11.

Ben has a Statement and we could have pushed harder for support to be put in place but we decided it was not worth leaving Ben so unhappy whilst attempting to negotiate different arrangements.

 

During the bad weather a few weeks ago I almost took Ben home even though it might have been recorded as an unauthorised abscence because school were unsure whether they had enough staff to cope.I prefered to take Ben home than leave him in a situation where he would become stressed and challenging just to prove a point.

 

 

Karen.

Thank you very much Karen for this post.Sam is an August baby and is year two.He is one of the youngest in his class,and didnt feel he was ready when he started school.I think he cant cope with lunch but mostly he is exhausted at the end of the day.Yes I have decided to go back to packlunch too.I stopped because it was expensive (school meals are free as I am on benefits) and he wouldnt even eat his pack lunch.I will try it again and see how he gets on.Thank you Karen thats been most helpful.

 

[Suze]

Hi Justine really pleased it went well with the school, I feel from reading your posts that they are very much trying to do the best for your son , it does seem just a matter of time before he is assessed for a statement and as the school are on board with his difficulties etc things look hopeful for a statement.I,m glad they have agreed to some concessions for him at dinner , this made a difference to my son when he could eat somewhere quieter.It does make a huge difference when they are still young aswell, my son is an august baby too.best wishes suzex <'>

[KezT]

I doubt that the school are "taking advantage" of the fact that you are at home. They suggest the same outlandish collection times even if you work I worked full time when DS was at his previous school, yet they still asked that i collect him every lunch time becasue they couldn't cope with him (read: didn't want to bother putting anything in place to help him cope). I had a massive row with them about it, saying that it was impossible to do, and their only answer was that i find someone else who could do it. Not sure who I was supposed to "find". In the end, I just refused & said they would have to sort out lunch timke - it was part of the school day & he was their responsibility.

 

Current school, which is MUCH better with DS, still has a tendancy to assume that I can appear on their doorstep within minutes of their call, at any time. DD1 is one of those children who looks really ill when she is just a bit under the weather, and each winter we have the same issue that they call me to collect her about 50% of the school term. I've tried explaining that she isn't that ill, but they rarely remember. When they called me last time, and I pointed out that I would be at least an hour as I work an hour away, they also asked if I could send someone else. They were not happy with "No" as an answer. Their procedures say that a child should be collected, and so they expect the child to be collected. By the time I actually got there, she had been resting in the first aid room and was absolutely fine & racing around the playground

[Sally44]

Sally I am sorry but I cannot let this post pass without comment.

I am fully supportive of parents.I have been called to school more times than I can remember and still cannot return to work.

However I find it very upsetting to hear that you would leave your son who had been sick for someone else to kleen him up in order to make a point.

Being sick is an awful experience for any child.A child does not know why they have been sick.

As for not answering the phone I am shocked.

I have answered phone calls from school regarding dozens of trivial issues that could have been left.

Then there was the one call where Ben was in an extremely stressed state and in severe pain because he had broken his arm.

 

Karen I have an answerphone. They can leave a message. My son would be in no worse a situation if I was working and unable to collect him or if I was out of the house doing something else. I cannot stay glued to the phone incase they phone me. Children do become sick in school. I remember spending an afternoon or two in the sick room until my mum returned from work to collect me.

What urked me was that School had agreed with me as to the cause of the vomitting and had said that if he was sick once due to being anxious that they would put him in his PE kit. We also agreed that if he appeared to have a temperate, was sick twice, said he had stomache pain or a headache that I would collect him. Then they did a U turn and kept phoning me to collect him. He was usually sick just as he entered school due to anxiety about his day ahead. That was because they withdrew his visual timetable because they felt he did not need it. I said he did need it. It has been reinstated and we haven't had another episode so far - touch wood.

I went to my GP and was referred to the paediatrician at the childrens' hospital to check he has no medical condition which he does not. They agreed that it was anxiety or stress based. They referred me onto the developmental paediatrician who diagnosed him and she is the person who suggested that school do not like children who are not toilet trained, or those that vomit due to anxiety or stress and that I should not have to keep taking him out of school because they could not deal with it.

The paediatrician said the mainstream school should say they cannot cope with this if that is the case, or they have to deal with it and investigate what is causing it.

I cannot keep taking him home because he has been sick. And every time he was sick the school had a policy that he had to remain at home for the following 48 hours. He was never in school! And there was nothing wrong with him. I would take him out of school, go shopping etc and he would happily eat and drink and be absolutely fine. But I could not return him to school for 48 hours.

Maybe that makes the situation look differently from how it might have originally appeared.

I felt I had been put in a very difficult place because legally I have to take him to school. If the school environment then causes him to vomit then the environment has to change. I was happy for school to change the environment or for them to recommend a change of school. At this point they changed the environment and I am happy with that.

The only other option muted was medication. That is something I would consider only if I was absolutely sure that there was nothing else that could be done by either myself or school to help the situation.

I think they were trying to reduce the amount of time spent on supporting him. The Paediatrician herself wrote a letter for school saying that he should not automatically be sent home if he had vomitted just once.

School and I again sat down and agreed how we would proceed. I sent in a clarification letter this time, and everything seems to be working as we agreed this time.

[Kathryn]

Thank you for all your replies.I haVe spoken to the head and we are agreeing on flexi schooling for a three week period,I will get it in writing today it will state the code for the register as well,after the three weeks the behaviour support team will start a 6 week programme of new strategies.One of the strategies will be that he is to eat with his younger brother as he eats in a classroom with 3 other kids so this may be easier.

 

We will then wait and see what the ed physch says and the autism advisory teacher on Wed,send there reports off to accompany the stat assesment request,which I have sent off today.The head thinks it will be six weeks until we know what happening.

 

Thank you all again. <'>

 

Well done Justine, that all sounds very constructive. Once the LA get your request they have a statutory six weeks to consider whether to make an assessment, which may be what the head is talking about.

 

I really hope you fulfil your goal of getting your degree. Academic work and children are a tough mix, but it can be done - go for it!

 

K x

[Karen A]

Karen I have an answerphone. They can leave a message. My son would be in no worse a situation if I was working and unable to collect him or if I was out of the house doing something else. I cannot stay glued to the phone incase they phone me. Children do become sick in school. I remember spending an afternoon or two in the sick room until my mum returned from work to collect me.

What urked me was that School had agreed with me as to the cause of the vomitting and had said that if he was sick once due to being anxious that they would put him in his PE kit. We also agreed that if he appeared to have a temperate, was sick twice, said he had stomache pain or a headache that I would collect him. Then they did a U turn and kept phoning me to collect him. He was usually sick just as he entered school due to anxiety about his day ahead. That was because they withdrew his visual timetable because they felt he did not need it. I said he did need it. It has been reinstated and we haven't had another episode so far - touch wood.

I went to my GP and was referred to the paediatrician at the childrens' hospital to check he has no medical condition which he does not. They agreed that it was anxiety or stress based. They referred me onto the developmental paediatrician who diagnosed him and she is the person who suggested that school do not like children who are not toilet trained, or those that vomit due to anxiety or stress and that I should not have to keep taking him out of school because they could not deal with it.

The paediatrician said the mainstream school should say they cannot cope with this if that is the case, or they have to deal with it and investigate what is causing it.

I cannot keep taking him home because he has been sick. And every time he was sick the school had a policy that he had to remain at home for the following 48 hours. He was never in school! And there was nothing wrong with him. I would take him out of school, go shopping etc and he would happily eat and drink and be absolutely fine. But I could not return him to school for 48 hours.

Maybe that makes the situation look differently from how it might have originally appeared.

I felt I had been put in a very difficult place because legally I have to take him to school. If the school environment then causes him to vomit then the environment has to change. I was happy for school to change the environment or for them to recommend a change of school. At this point they changed the environment and I am happy with that.

The only other option muted was medication. That is something I would consider only if I was absolutely sure that there was nothing else that could be done by either myself or school to help the situation.

I think they were trying to reduce the amount of time spent on supporting him. The Paediatrician herself wrote a letter for school saying that he should not automatically be sent home if he had vomitted just once.

School and I again sat down and agreed how we would proceed. I sent in a clarification letter this time, and everything seems to be working as we agreed this time.

 

Sorry I did not realise from your original post that you listened to the answerphone so would know if school needed you.

Karen.