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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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Thompsons

Hitting out..

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Hi all,

 

L has been going to school from 9 am til 11:30am for a while now as they cannot cope with him all day and we are still waiting on his statement. Our main concern at the moment is that he keeps getting excluded for two days at a time!! When he gets angry he tends to hit out. Which means he has hit the teachers on more than one occasion. If he hits a member of staff he gets an automatic two day exclusion. Needless to say, we've had a few of these :shame: I don't even know if there's a possibility that he's doing it deliberately now to get time off from school. It's hard to say. I know Mum is getting pretty stressed out with having him at home and just the whole school situation - she looks after me during the day also, and I think it's really wearing her out :( How can we get him to stop acting so aggressively? I, myself was excluded a few times for hitting teachers, but I had grown out of it by the time I was his age. He seems far more violent than I was.. I have mentioned before he was excluded for some time, for throwing tables and chairs. He also often draws pictures and will talk about killing his teachers :shame: Which we are quite concerned about.

 

He's still taking his medication at bedtime to make him sleep, which is working wonders!! He's asleep by 10pm now. The only other problem we have is that he still refuses to use the toilet. He'll be starting Middle School in September and we're worried about him being teased and having problems because of that.

 

Thanks for listening to me rant.. Is there anyone else out there who is familiar with these issues?

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Lain   

I'm in the same possition, my son who has a dx of Aspergers is agressive all the time at the mo. He is constantly being excluded from school for hitting, pushing, throwing chairs/tables. So i understand what ur going through!

What concerns me about your post he is on half days because they can't cope with him. It's their job to cope with him dispite any difficulties he has and i think its unfair of them to do this. What they need to be doing is focusing on what is triggering the behaviour any rectifying that.

My sons school (after a suggestion from me!) lets him have certain times durring the day to go off and vent his anger in a safe and supervised way.

Anyway in answer to your question yes, this part at least, sounds very familiar!!!

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av16   

Does he have support at school? As Lain says he is obviously getting overwhelmed by something, the school should be trying to find out what is getting him worked up. If he had someone who could help with explaining what's happening, regularly remind him of what is acceptable and remove him from situations before he gets too worked up, you may see some improvement. If the statement process is underway the school could have asked for PDA- provision during assessment, they would then get funding straight away which they could use to get him some help.

 

My DS (AS) was like this when he was first diagnosed, he has come along way since then and although he can still be violent, it hasn't happened at school for a long time. Constant reminders about acceptable behaviour got through to him in the end. (I don't like saying this in case it's tempting fate)

 

I think as well he has a bit more control in his life now - we give him choices and the school are starting to do this and it does help him to feel more secure and better about things. He is also able to tell us more about how he is feeling, he said he used to get very upset because he didn't know/understand what was going on.

 

Hope this helps a bit - don't worry you're not alone >:D<<'>

AV

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Thank you for the replies.. I'm glad that other people can understand. At school he can be the most unpredictable child, and everyone is very wary of him.. Yet at home, he really is one of the sweetest children I've ever met. He has two completely opposite sides to him.

 

My Mum said that the reason he does get excluded is because he doesn't have a statement yet to protect him. He does have support, but his one-to-one teacher doesn't have any real experience of working with children on the spectrum. She's just a helper, I guess. His main problem at the moment seems to be with another child, who he particularly dislikes. And it's difficult because this child only has to speak for it to annoy L.. We've tried everything. L will even see this childs work up on the wall and tear it down. He screams if someone mentions his name.

 

On a positive note, he got a reward this weekend for not getting excluded this past week, and being better behaved. And we've said he can have a reward each weekend if he behaves during the week. We're not sure really what else to try. I'm hoping it may encourage him to make more of an effort to control his anger.

Edited by Thompsons

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justine1   

Hi going through same thing with Sam (6) he has also been excluded twice and now goes to school half day from 9am-12.Like you say Sam is a different child at home,he is generally quiet,and reads more,writes more.He is hardly aggressive,just the same as his brothers really.I know what your family are going through its really hard. >:D<<'>

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cmuir   

Hi

 

Whilst it's clearly not acceptable for a child to hit out at teachers or anyone else for that matter, I personally don't feel that 2 day exclusions work. I think that staff should be looking at the reasons why things escalate to that point and look at prevention and management strategies instead. Sending a child home where s/he could potentially be sitting watching tv, playing wii, and generally have a nice time isn't teaching them a thing - in my view it sends out a clear message to the child so that they know what to do if they want to go home. If school cannot cope they should be seeking outside assistance, for example, in Edinbugh there's a dept called VTSS that can be called into school. Staff have specific experience of working with children on the spectrum and I recollect having to phone them myself during my son's first few weeks at primary school. There were 2 members of staff (one from VTSS and one from the challenging behaviour team) sat at the back of the class for 3 weeks solid because R's behaviour was so bad. They were able to give staff advice on the best way to handle things and granted things are now much better, though not perfect.

 

Is it possible that the school could chase up the Statement?

 

The school could look at introducing a circle of friends/buddies (older kids to buddy), introduce social stories, visual timetables, allow time out breaks, and focus on feelings. Ben needs to be taught how to recognise when he's becoming angry and be taught how to channel that anger.

 

I bought quite a good book entitled 'Volcano in my tummy'. It's a workbook that I felt illustrated well what anger feels like and how to channel that anger.

 

Sadly, it seems that often things have to get worse before they get better. In some ways it's a good thing that school are finding kiddo hard to cope with. Crazy as it sounds but if they're open about that then kiddo is more likely to get support. Children with significant behavioural problems tend to get a higher level of support within a mainstream school than a placid child with the same disorder.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

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Hi all,

 

L has been going to school from 9 am til 11:30am for a while now as they cannot cope with him all day and we are still waiting on his statement. Our main concern at the moment is that he keeps getting excluded for two days at a time!! When he gets angry he tends to hit out. Which means he has hit the teachers on more than one occasion. If he hits a member of staff he gets an automatic two day exclusion. Needless to say, we've had a few of these :shame: I don't even know if there's a possibility that he's doing it deliberately now to get time off from school. It's hard to say. I know Mum is getting pretty stressed out with having him at home and just the whole school situation - she looks after me during the day also, and I think it's really wearing her out :( How can we get him to stop acting so aggressively? I, myself was excluded a few times for hitting teachers, but I had grown out of it by the time I was his age. He seems far more violent than I was.. I have mentioned before he was excluded for some time, for throwing tables and chairs. He also often draws pictures and will talk about killing his teachers :shame: Which we are quite concerned about.

 

He's still taking his medication at bedtime to make him sleep, which is working wonders!! He's asleep by 10pm now. The only other problem we have is that he still refuses to use the toilet. He'll be starting Middle School in September and we're worried about him being teased and having problems because of that.

 

Thanks for listening to me rant.. Is there anyone else out there who is familiar with these issues?

 

Hi

 

I hope you won't think I am oversimplying this difficult problem, but in my experience aggressiveness is a sign of unhappiness and frustration - I personally feel this is confirmed by the talking about killing his teachers. He doesn't know how to express what he's feeling and that's how it comes out.

 

Unfortunately all too often schools only focus on the behaviour and not what is leading up to it. There is usually a reason but it can be hard to work out what it is.

 

Good luck >:D<<'>

 

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jimssmom   

Mandapanda,

 

I'm only just getting reports of my son hitting and biting at school - and you're right it is a sign of unhappiness and frustration. Is there anything us parents can do about it? I have been thinking about approaching my son's LSP and asking to be at school when he does it (he usually starts his temper tantrums when they try and take his coat off when he comes in from playing outside).

Has anyone ever asked to do this? Is it allowed?

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Mandapanda,

 

I'm only just getting reports of my son hitting and biting at school - and you're right it is a sign of unhappiness and frustration. Is there anything us parents can do about it? I have been thinking about approaching my son's LSP and asking to be at school when he does it (he usually starts his temper tantrums when they try and take his coat off when he comes in from playing outside).

Has anyone ever asked to do this? Is it allowed?

 

Maybe he doesn't like them touching him, or they don't warn him what they are doing and it is too sudden and unexpected (even if it happens every time). Maybe he needs a minute to prepare to take his coat off. Maybe he needs it explained clearly that playtime has ended so we take our coats off and go back to lessons. Does he need help taking his coat off, or would he do it if they told him to? Is it because he likes playtime and doesn't want to go back to lessons? To be honest, these days a child only has to touch a teacher and they can get excluded for 'hitting'. It is a very difficult situation because the school are likely to be totally focussed on his behaviour and not what may be leading to it. They probably won't want to find a reason for it, they just want it to stop - to them it is unacceptable and must just stop, but something they are doing, or not doing, may be contributing to his stress and the resulting tantrum.

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