New here - glad to have found you!

[mum of AS boy]

Hi, my 8 year old son has mild Aspergers.

He is "in the closet" as he seems to get away with it most of the time, and so we think the label would do more harm than good. He plays happily by himself in the playground but then feels lonely and isolated as a result. He feels that he is different to everyone else, and not good enough, and it affects his self esteem. He says that his classmates are kind but don't really like him.

His school help him with friendship groups and roping him into playground games, but I'd love to help him find his niche, so he feels less of an outsider.

Advice welcome!

[hazma]

Nice to meet you.There are various ways to build self esteem and confidence.With my own son I have had him involved in out of school activities since he was little,with my child I started him in karate as it still involves working with other children,yet is not overly social so he found it quite easy to cope with at first.It also builds confidence,however any activity that may interest him would be good ,not nessesarily sports.Its great that the school are being supportive.When you say that he is in the closet do you mean that he has been diagnosed but you have chosen not to tell anyone,or did you not feel comfortable to get him assessed and diagnosed?I can understand your worries about labelling your son,but I must admit that since my son got his diagnosis he has grown in confidence.He had spent a good many years of his childhood feeling lonely isolated,uhappy.Thinking and being told he was strange,odd,or just plain weird.Trust me those are the labels that seriously do the damage.Also you say he mostly gets away with it,but if hes lonely and isolated then he isnt getting away with it,its affecting him.At 8 years old he is smart enough to realize he is different,he has probably known this for sometime,and not knowing exactly why is probably not helping.Please dont think Im trying to tell you what to do.You as his parents must do what you feel is right.From my own personal experience though its more helpful to have certain labels that will lead to the right support for your child than all the unhelpful and negative labels that he may be given.

 

[Kathryn]

Hi. welcome to the forum.

 

K x

[mum of AS boy]

Thank you for the reply.

I really appreciate your advice.

The school knows the diagnosis, but no one else. My husband and I are beginning to think it's time to share the diagnosis with our son. Funnily enough, our son has said to us "my brain is different to other people's" so it may be helpful for him.

I just don't want the diagnosis to get round the playground at this stage, as it may make it even harder to get kids to play with him, and I don't want the sympathy vote!

I have ordered a kids adventure book featuring a boy being diagnosed with Aspergers, and I will preview it. If suitable, I may give this to him and see if he recognises himself as being similar, and it may open up the discussion.

I am not at all ashamed of the condition, I love the way my son is, but I want to smooth his way in life. If he had extreme behaviour, then I would be shouting about it, as a useful explanation! But as people may not notice, I'd rather give him the option to stay undercover for now.

As he is rarely chats to other kids, it's unlikely that he will spread the word around himself!

[samh76]

Hi

 

Really nice to meet you, I have a 6 year old in a very similar situation. He hasn't been diagnosed yet but has an IEP at school and has time out of the class to do social games. Best of luck with everything. I feel the same way that I want him to be happy and fulfilled and make things a bit easier for him.

 

Sam

[mygifts1306]

Nice to meet you. My son is 7 and was diagoned nearly 2 years ago, i have always been open to discuss my son, but I realise it is not a done thing. Ask your Gp what he thinks about it. You will know yourself what is the best thing.

 

kind regards

Jax