Reflections

[claretails]

Hi

 

I found this on another website and although I am not remotely religious, it made me cry. Some of you may have seen this before:

 

Reflections

Mothers of Disabled Children, by Erma Bombeck.

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how these mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

Armstrong, Beth: son; patron saint, Matthew. Forest, Marjorie: daughter; patron saint, Cecilia.

Rudledge, Carrie: twins; patron saint.. . give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. Give her a blind child.

The angel is curious. Why this one, God? She's so happy.

Exactly, says God. Could I give a child with a handicap to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.

But has she patience? asks the angel.

I don't want to her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.

But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you.

God smiles. No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.

The angel gasps. Selfishness? Is that a virtue?

God nods. If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word; She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.

And what about her patron saint? asks the angel, pen poised in midair.

God smiles. A mirror will suffice.

 

[Kathryn]

I have seen it before. It makes me want to cry too - with frustration and rage. There are so many reasons why I dislike this piece I cannot even begin to articulate them right now.

 

Sorry claretails - please don't take it personally - just my opinion. I accept that responses will differ and some people may find comfort in it.

 

I have to add that I am a Christian, and if I thought for one minute that God was like this I'd become an atheist right now.

 

K x

[oxgirl]

Sorry, I hate it too.

Having said that, though, I do believe that having my son has made me a better person. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[baddad]

Another 'thanks but no thanks', I'm afraid.

Parents of disabled children are 'chosen' in the same way shark attack victims or lottery winners are 'chosen' - i.e. they are not 'chosen' at all, just random events.

In Western cultures we tend to get mawkish, 'what special people the parents/children must be' sorts of interpretations... in other cultures they, and/or parents are demonised, being punished for past sins. Organisations like DAN manage to do both - demonising the autistic while suggesting their carers can do no wrong.

So, sorry, not nice, reassuring 'words of wisdom' or even harmless fun...

 

Hope that hasn't offended - I'm just trying to show the other perspective.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Karen A]

Hi.

I am also a christian and have faced many difficult situations in my life.Having Ben is actually one of the smaller challenges I have faced.

Unfortunately I am not yet some saintly creature.I am messed up,difficult,impatient and cross with God and a few other people I could mention. I have a very long list today and am aware that several people have me on thier list too.

Fortunately God is very happy to continue to work with messed up sinners.

[Mumble]

if I thought for one minute that God was like this I'd become an atheist right now.

Actually, to be pedantic (me, yep, I know, never heard of from me... ) if you think of God in any way you can't be an atheist as you then wouldn't believe that there was a God to think of in this way...

 

... a few other people I could mention.

It wasn't me, honest...

 

[Tally]

There are so many disabled children in the care system, that can't be because their parents are all special people who have the skills needed to cope. There are huge rates of stress-related illness and relationship breakdowns amongst parents of disabled children.

[justine1]

Baddad is right it does seem many people have that view that parents of disabled children are somehow more saintly and to be honest I actually had this view myself.I saw a boy who had cerebal palsy, before I had kids,his parents are both so dedicated and he seems to be cheerful and I did think how blessed the boy is to have such caring devoted parents and that I would never cope if it were me.

 

My view now is different,the love and devotion I gave to Sam before his dx is the same love and devotion I give him now he has a dx.So the six years before the dx was I less of a "saint" than what I am now?

 

With regards to the first lines on how some mothers plan to have children etc. my story is a little funny because out of my four boys Sam was the only baby who was actually planned and well thought it and yet he has AS,but I dont read anything into that!!

 

And I am 100% with Karen.I am a catholic and although dont attend church I pray constantly ,mainly just to keep my boys safe through the day,but I have made so many mistakes and I have broken nearly all 10 commandments.Hopefully I am forgiven as I am a good person really..honestly

Edited March 19, 2010 by justine1