my best mate .... made comment which hurt ....

[smiley1590]

i told my best mate that i got ma nan's personal belongings like her ring which i wear and her nighties/PJ's when i told her reaction was to laugh snare and say 'that weird thing to keep' and have of hers why would you want that i wouldn't want my nans nighties when she dies i said that they smelt of her so felt close to her she said she going to tell my other best friend over the facebook or email her how weird it is of me to have them! i quite angry annoyed upset irrated but now feel bad let her walk all over me so easy and wonder why i get treated in such a way maybe my fault! i quite hurt by them statements feel like my emotions/feelings mean nothing to her like she can tread on them and i been struggling to cope and deal with things in my head kjust feel like she insensitive she said you wouldn't mind if i emailed our other best friend about having your nans PJ's and nighties feel like she insulting my pain over this loss and this just adds to the hurt upset i already feel i couldn't believe what i was hearing but now feel like i'm betraying my nan's memory by going cinema with her tonight i feel so bad inside i keep thinking about it and if my mum found out she wouldn't be VERY happy at all

 

way she treats me my mum finds hard not to say anything to her as she just does what she wants bosses me around because my AS low self-esteem etc i find hard 'stand up' against her i feel so weak yet she so strong! she makes me feel wrong and she's right she critises and put me down belittles me when i need my best mate to say something comforting she replies with something the opposite and she be annoyed angry if i had said that to her! but because other way round it acceptable and fine because good old kirst puts on with it being dragged along just going yes and no to her demands she barks at me gives orders i take!

 

my fault as i take it all feel i been bad friend when depressed suicidal and AS assessment process i wasn't there for anyone and let people down failed them due to social anx difficulties and seemed to let that overide everything else for the way i was i felt so guilty and she knows this i think takes advantage and plays on it alot! she plays me alot! gets her own way all time!

 

XKLX

[matzoball]

i told my best mate that i got ma nan's personal belongings like her ring which i wear and her nighties/PJ's when i told her reaction was to laugh snare and say 'that weird thing to keep' and have of hers why would you want that i wouldn't want my nans nighties when she dies i said that they smelt of her so felt close to her she said she going to tell my other best friend over the facebook or email her how weird it is of me to have them! i quite angry annoyed upset irrated but now feel bad let her walk all over me so easy and wonder why i get treated in such a way maybe my fault! i quite hurt by them statements feel like my emotions/feelings mean nothing to her like she can tread on them and i been struggling to cope and deal with things in my head kjust feel like she insensitive she said you wouldn't mind if i emailed our other best friend about having your nans PJ's and nighties feel like she insulting my pain over this loss and this just adds to the hurt upset i already feel i couldn't believe what i was hearing but now feel like i'm betraying my nan's memory by going cinema with her tonight i feel so bad inside i keep thinking about it and if my mum found out she wouldn't be VERY happy at all

 

way she treats me my mum finds hard not to say anything to her as she just does what she wants bosses me around because my AS low self-esteem etc i find hard 'stand up' against her i feel so weak yet she so strong! she makes me feel wrong and she's right she critises and put me down belittles me when i need my best mate to say something comforting she replies with something the opposite and she be annoyed angry if i had said that to her! but because other way round it acceptable and fine because good old kirst puts on with it being dragged along just going yes and no to her demands she barks at me gives orders i take!

 

my fault as i take it all feel i been bad friend when depressed suicidal and AS assessment process i wasn't there for anyone and let people down failed them due to social anx difficulties and seemed to let that overide everything else for the way i was i felt so guilty and she knows this i think takes advantage and plays on it alot! she plays me alot! gets her own way all time!

 

XKLX

 

no one has the right to make you feel like that about your gran - like you say if you said something like that to her she wouldn't take it. if that's how you choose to be reminded of your nan then that's no ones business but yours. you need to tell your friend that she hurt you by calling you weird and that you need her support instead of the way she is treating you. you shouldn't feel bad for coping with things the way you do - if she is your friend she will understand that you had to take care of yourself when you were going through the assessments - it's a ###### big thing to go through! if she is making you feel guilty about all of this, it might be time to look for a new best friend, because you deserve better than that!

 

JXX

[scotkaz]

no one has the right to make you feel like that about your gran - like you say if you said something like that to her she wouldn't take it. if that's how you choose to be reminded of your nan then that's no ones business but yours. you need to tell your friend that she hurt you by calling you weird and that you need her support instead of the way she is treating you. you shouldn't feel bad for coping with things the way you do - if she is your friend she will understand that you had to take care of yourself when you were going through the assessments - it's a ###### big thing to go through! if she is making you feel guilty about all of this, it might be time to look for a new best friend, because you deserve better than that!

 

JXX

I agree totally with Matzoball.

 

Tell your friend she hurt you. She might not have a close relationship with her gran and just doesn't understand but it was out of order for her to say these things to you.

 

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if someone else says something. you are responsible only for your words and actions not anyone else's.

 

I think it is a lovely way for you to remember your gran and don't let anyone tell you any different.

 

 

 

[smiley1590]

she does has a close relationship with her gran .... just feel even worse now depressed ... i've hit rock bottom feel so lost empty ... betrayed deeply affected by grieving process further! i feel like she thinks everything i do is weird stupid pathetic and what's the point?! grrrr..... my head a mess everywhere .... don't know what to think or do so confused! i'm heartbroken ripped apart deverstated! not nice

 

XKX

[smiley1590]

this situation throw me into a direct spinning black hole set me backwards when trying hold my head best i can 'get on with things' day to day like my nans would want however challlenging and difficult i feel trapped overwhelmed ..... i can't begin to accept what actually happened i always ask her how she is get in contact with her over facebook she never texts emails me she laughed near enough in my face after she said what she did ..... and she won't say sorry she'll think she did nothing wrong in her eyes was a laugh a joke end of nothing more it my life she playing messing with .....

 

 

[dee23]

You say that you feel your friend is strong, and you are weak.....

 

In my opinion strong people do not pick on and hurt other people, that is a sign of weakness to me, and sometimes truly weak people find other people that they think they can pick on in order to make themselves feel stronger, if you see what i mean.

 

You have been through a lot in your life, with your family, your health and your diagnosis, yet here you are on the forum, still posting about work and people you care about and all excited about your party dress (which is lovely by the way). You are also always quick to welcome new members when they post, and offer your own experiences and feelings - as you did with me when i first posted. Those are not the actions of a weak person......they are the actions of a very caring and giving person, who is probably stronger than she realises.

 

When my daughter was younger she used to spend weekends with my mum sometimes, and while she was away i would often go to her wardrobe and smell her clothes, as i missed her so much, and i was only without her for a couple of days! Peoples smells are powerful and wonderful reminders of them, i can completely understand how comforting you find your grans clothes.

 

I too agree with matzoball - you deserve better than this.

 

XX <'>

[justine1]

HI

I know how you must be feeling,but you shouldnt stop yourself grieving your own way <'> <'>

 

I know this is COMPLETELY different but when my parents got divorced(I was 12)I found a box with my fathers cufflinks and old watch,I kept it next to my bed and once a day when I felt I needed my dad I would put the watch on and have a good cry.It really helped me deal with their divorce.It probably sounds weird but I didnt care much.

 

Even recently when my dad went abroad for four months I kept a recent birthday card he sent me under my pillow,again may seem strange but I did miss him and I didnt really want to show it to much in front of my boys cause it would upset them so thats how I dealt with things

 

You do what makes you happy

[smiley1590]

i just want to run away i feel so angry like everyone's out to get me everything annoys me secretly irritable just so much emotional pain my heart breaking can't think straight half the time .....

[matzoball]

i just want to run away i feel so angry like everyone's out to get me everything annoys me secretly irritable just so much emotional pain my heart breaking can't think straight half the time .....

 

from what you said earlier as well - this person isn't doing you any good - you need to maybe speak to a counsellor who will be patient and let you say what you need to say and feel what is right for you to feel. your nan would not like to see you this upset and i bet she would have a few choice words to say about this so called friend. you said she is close with her gran, well she is going to feel bad for treating you the way she has when her gran passes away - you would never make fun of her if she coped with it in her own way because you act like a good friend. but being a good friend does not mean you take any kind of bad behaviour from her. good friends treat each other with respect. and you definitely deserve respect.

 

please do me a favour and speak to someone about grief counselling. it helps, believe me. chin up kiddo.

[Sally44]

If you can, and if you think it would make any difference, then you should tell this person she has been hurtful to you. If she does not apologise or understand, then maybe she is not the kind of friend you need. So spend your time with people who do understand and support you.

No-one knows what it is like to lose a family member until it happens. I remember my father every day and when I go to see my mum I go into his old bedroom because it still smells of him. My mum sleeps with his jumpers on because she says it makes her feel better. You are not the only one wearing their loved ones clothes! It is re-assuring. And you won't be done grieving until you've done grieving. There is no timescale to this. Everyone is different.

 

I recently went out with some friends of mine to the theatre. We had some drinks beforehand, and one of the friends started talking about a play she had seen about a father dying. This play had been a comedy. I just thought she was so insensitive. She likes to talk and be the centre of attention. But she showed herself to be really shallow to me by talking about this subject that was so personal to me at that time and telling us jokes from the play! I could not believe it. Was she really expecting me to laugh at her jokes. I didn't say anything to her at the time. I understand it is difficult. You are dealing with your feelings and you don't feel you want to have an argument with someone on top of it. But just consider that maybe you should be spending more of your time with people who are more understanding and supportive.