Hello Everyone

[zenemu]

Hello Everyone,

 

I'm new to the site, so I thought it only polite to introduce myself. Sorry if this becomes a bit of a ramble, it is just my way.

 

I am Zen and I am 32 years old. I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was in my teens. As a child I was quite typical of someone with mild Aspergers, very intelligent, but very under achieving and a bit of a loner. I did manage to leave school with 11 A grade GCSE's and I went on to do four A Levels and even a degree.

 

I am not very social. Unfortunately I have always felt quite out of my depth in social situations. I find that I run into a lot of awkward silences, and I do miss social queues quite often, although this is improving over the years. I found after my diagnosis I was more able to pause and ask myself certain questions in social situations and vet my behaviour a little more accordingly, but that is something that for me is a life long learning process.

 

I don't like crowds very much, and to be honest if there are more than four people talking in the same room, you may as well be talking Greek as far as I am concerned because I cannot distinguish voices in a crowd. Whereas most people seem to be able to choose a voice in a crowd, I can't, which means I just nod and smile a lot at people talking to me in busy venues, so I tend to avoid them. Unfortunately there are situations I dislike which are unavoidable. For example, these days due to necessity, I am forced to go to supermarkets occasionally, which is another horror. I don't understand the etiquette or why people are so pushy and rude.

 

Despite the few challenges Aspergers brings, I do lead a good life. I am in a happy relationship with the most patient woman in the world, who looks rather bemused when I am being all symptomatic. We have been together eight years now and we are getting married in 18 months!

 

I must admit, I have had some pretty dire relationships in the past, which I won’t go into here, but needless to say, each and every one was a steep learning experience.

 

I love my work too. Unfortunately I can’t go into exactly what it is that I do for a living, but I work with Adults who have mental health issues or disabilities and who are in the worst kinds of trouble. My job is considered one of the most emotionally challenging careers within its field; especially as it requires complete emotional detachment, to be fair to the people involved, which is an aspect I find very easy, as I naturally take a more logical approach to things than emotional. When I do get emotional however, I do get very emotional. I am not very good with bereavement, which as dumb luck would have it, is something I have experienced a lot in my life. It does lead to long periods of depression and I find it quite difficult to recover from.

 

I often work with people with Autism or Autistic Spectrum Disorders and I would say that I am a reasonably typical example of someone with Aspergers Syndrome. So I was actually very interested to come across this website. It is a very interesting forum, with lots of interesting opinions and advice. I hope that I can contribute on occasion.

 

So that is me, all the best!

 

Zen

 

[NickyB]

Hello Zen and welcome

 

[sonj186]

Hi Zen, welcome to the forum

[smiley1590]

when you say you not very good with losing someone and have lost alot of people you've known just wondering as i have personally experienced this recently i lost one nan in june last year and one nan in the oct and sent me into downward spiral that deep but hidden at nights when no one sees i try 'pretend i'm fine' i have depression anyways i'm so tired fed up .... etc my heart and head hurts so much emotional pain wise i feel like bursting into tears or i'm numb or feel angry and want to scream and run away from everything!!! anything which helped you through bad rough times/situations??? any advice i'd be grateful!

 

XKLX

[zenemu]

when you say you not very good with losing someone and have lost alot of people you've known just wondering as i have personally experienced this recently i lost one nan in june last year and one nan in the oct and sent me into downward spiral that deep but hidden at nights when no one sees i try 'pretend i'm fine' i have depression anyways i'm so tired fed up .... etc my heart and head hurts so much emotional pain wise i feel like bursting into tears or i'm numb or feel angry and want to scream and run away from everything!!! anything which helped you through bad rough times/situations??? any advice i'd be grateful!

 

XKLX

 

Hi

 

I am sorry to hear of your loss. You say that you are pretending to be alright. Well my first piece of advice is to stop. You are grieving and that is a process which takes as long as it takes. I think you need to sit down with the people you are closest to, whether that be friends or family and you need to talk to them and explain what it is you are feeling and going through. What you said above is a pretty good start. You will be surprised at how understanding people can be.

Another piece of advice which helped me, was to exercise. It sounds silly I know, but it also helps to release endorphins and serotonin which will help. I found walking a few miles everyday very helpful. Also, talk to your doctor, medication might not be the way to go, but he / she may be able to refer you to a berevment councillor, which again I have found helpful.

 

I hope that helps and If you want to talk more please feel free to PM me.

 

Zen

[Tally]

Hi Zen, and welcome to the forum.

 

I am an adult with Asperger's.

 

It's good you have a successful career and relationship. It's the rest of life that can still be a struggle.

[Kathryn]

Welcome to the forum zenemu.

 

K x

[smiley1590]

Hi

 

I am sorry to hear of your loss. You say that you are pretending to be alright. Well my first piece of advice is to stop. You are grieving and that is a process which takes as long as it takes. I think you need to sit down with the people you are closest to, whether that be friends or family and you need to talk to them and explain what it is you are feeling and going through. What you said above is a pretty good start. You will be surprised at how understanding people can be.

Another piece of advice which helped me, was to exercise. It sounds silly I know, but it also helps to release endorphins and serotonin which will help. I found walking a few miles everyday very helpful. Also, talk to your doctor, medication might not be the way to go, but he / she may be able to refer you to a berevment councillor, which again I have found helpful.

 

I hope that helps and If you want to talk more please feel free to PM me.

 

Zen

 

i go gym and go jogging i'm also a self harmer have been on and off for 7 years but gets worse when something 'bad' comes into my life i turn to that to cope and deal with things i can't get it out well can sort of with support workers but jst want to scream run and cry sometimes hide myself away from the world my nans house been sold to a couple but i still have to see it as stonethrow away from my work round the corner so im reminded like trigger point fridays are the worse as that's went used go and see her watch tv with her and talk to her keep her company so now have to go crem each week one day out of it i feel like my head in thousand pieces ... wondering and getting no where .... like i'm in a maze and can't escape and no one can hear me scream or cry .....

 

what is berev,ent counselling like??? do you have it for all your losses or your just your main ones? that affected you the most i drink alchol sometimes to numb blank me out of reality so i feel nothng for abit so im empty also with depression i can get suicidal thoughts often .....

 

XKLX

 

 

thanks for replying with personal experience knowledge!!!

[Sammysnake]

Hi Zen and thank you for your intro post. It's so reassuring to hear from an adult Aspie who has done really well academically and is happy in their job and relationship. My little girl is 9 and has just been diagnosed although I've been supporting her as an Aspie for several years before anyone else agreed I was right . I'm really hopeful that she will have a life like yours, especially as she has been diagnosed young and can now access lots of information for herself. School is being really supportive as are her grandparents and her dad seems to be quietly more accepting since we had a professional agreeing that I am not making all this up! B is definitely more relaxed in herself now she understands why she sometimes feels different too.

 

Can I ask - did you have any difficulties at school academically? My daughter is achieving above average in her teacher assessments but will struggle in an exam setting to show what she is capable of at the moment. Her handwriting is very slow because she is such a perfectionist and gets really stressed about it so she is being allowed to use a laptop for longer pieces of work and is going to begin touch typing lessons at school. Did you do anything like this or did you find no barriers to your academic achievement?

 

Sorry to ask personal questions. Obviously I want to know what the future could hold for my little girl but every person is an individual and I know outcomes depend on personality, individual needs and the type of understanding and support that is shown. I feel really positive for my little girl though because she is so incredibly fantastic .

Edited March 27, 2010 by Sammysnake

[Karen A]

Hi Zenemu welcome to the Forum.

Karen.

[zenemu]

i go gym and go jogging i'm also a self harmer have been on and off for 7 years but gets worse when something 'bad' comes into my life i turn to that to cope and deal with things i can't get it out well can sort of with support workers but jst want to scream run and cry sometimes hide myself away from the world my nans house been sold to a couple but i still have to see it as stonethrow away from my work round the corner so im reminded like trigger point fridays are the worse as that's went used go and see her watch tv with her and talk to her keep her company so now have to go crem each week one day out of it i feel like my head in thousand pieces ... wondering and getting no where .... like i'm in a maze and can't escape and no one can hear me scream or cry .....

 

what is berev,ent counselling like??? do you have it for all your losses or your just your main ones? that affected you the most i drink alchol sometimes to numb blank me out of reality so i feel nothng for abit so im empty also with depression i can get suicidal thoughts often .....

 

XKLX

 

 

thanks for replying with personal experience knowledge!!!

 

Bereavement councilling is actually quite an interesting process and it is largely tailored to you. I have never had to attend group councilling for example, due to the AS. It involves learning to express and cope with those feelings as well as gaining a little perspective. I highly recommend it, but it is something you have to stick with for a while. Good luck.

 

Zen

[zenemu]

Hi Zen and thank you for your intro post. It's so reassuring to hear from an adult Aspie who has done really well academically and is happy in their job and relationship. My little girl is 9 and has just been diagnosed although I've been supporting her as an Aspie for several years before anyone else agreed I was right . I'm really hopeful that she will have a life like yours, especially as she has been diagnosed young and can now access lots of information for herself. School is being really supportive as are her grandparents and her dad seems to be quietly more accepting since we had a professional agreeing that I am not making all this up! B is definitely more relaxed in herself now she understands why she sometimes feels different too.

 

Can I ask - did you have any difficulties at school academically? My daughter is achieving above average in her teacher assessments but will struggle in an exam setting to show what she is capable of at the moment. Her handwriting is very slow because she is such a perfectionist and gets really stressed about it so she is being allowed to use a laptop for longer pieces of work and is going to begin touch typing lessons at school. Did you do anything like this or did you find no barriers to your academic achievement?

 

Sorry to ask personal questions. Obviously I want to know what the future could hold for my little girl but every person is an individual and I know outcomes depend on personality, individual needs and the type of understanding and support that is shown. I feel really positive for my little girl though because she is so incredibly fantastic .

 

Hi Sammy,

 

I got into lots of trouble at school, largely because I was bored. You see there are three main traits of Aspergers that make school life difficult.

Firstly most Aspies can take in information very quickly and make logical connections that other people may not make. That generally means that early on, aspies will excel. Then comes the next trait; school is a very strange social environment with lots of unwritten and rather complex rules That is quite difficult for mosty kids to deal with, add the poor social skills associated with Aspergers, difficulties making very close friends and I think you can expect a few occasions in the future where your daughter will be adament about not going to school. Lastly, aspies get bored and distracted easily. When you are sat in a classroom being taught things that you may have had anatural understanding of for years, you tend not to pay attention. Physics springs to mind, I was reading Hawkings latest work at home and playing with magnetss in lessons. The two didn't really gel.

 

Learn about the things that your daughter is interested in, but also anything she is struggling with. If you engage her on topics and subjects with which she is struggling, she is likely to make the extra effort to learn, because it is another way to relate to you, a shared interest.

 

Apologies for any bad spelling, sat on train writing on phone

 

Zen

[Tally]

Not all aspies have the remarkable abilities that can make school lessons boring. School for me was never so easy I was bored.

[zenemu]

Not all aspies have the remarkable abilities that can make school lessons boring. School for me was never so easy I was bored.

 

I agree. Sorry I didpn't mean to imply that at all. When I was talking about information and connections I wasn't necessarily referring to academia. What I was trying to say was that Aspies do have a tendancy to throw themselves into things that they are interested in and they take that in quickly, but are easily bored by things they aren't interested in. I'm lucky in that I've always been obsessive about reading and can happily go through three books every week (terrible insomnia).

I have a friend who also has AS and he isn't very academic at all, but he is an amazing gardener. It is his full time job and his hobby too. He has won all kinds of awards. Now I'm not saying evryone is like that, only that it is a common trait to be a bit obsessive about interests, sometimes to the detriment of other things.

Zen