do children with learning disabilties seek each other out???

[shaz71]

Hi i haven't been on for a while, but my daughter who i do suspect to have aspergers but due to her being social to a degree and a bit of an imagination they won't look at her, and thought it would be easier to blame me and her dad splitting up and gave me the good old lovely parenting course, which did help a little as in the positive praise side. Anyway just found out that one of her friends is autistic and must be statemented as he has one to one, well our melissa gets on really well with him and a couple of others i suspect are on the spectrum another girl who shouts but is very high in abilitys then another boy who is very hyper and has to be first all the time and is a really big attention seeker, then this lad who is autistic, do they seem to attract to one and another, there is also another girl who i think as been recently looked at by ed psych as she is behind like melissa but she is worse than melissa in her own world. Melissa does tend to switch off into her own world but not as bad as the autistic lad and girl but she isn't much further on in education than them. What do you think, melissa is anxious, is very impulsive, is immature was behind in her speech and language by two years a year ago, i don't see speech therapist anymore they see her in school, she is about 2yrs behind in her education and is on the sen register and as iep with 5 targets on, she does attention seek but when gets attention hates it as is highly anxious.... she has irlens, needs a pink overlay, also has reflux and still waiting to see peadiatricain what they are going to do with her as i know with my youngest daughter that this as a major impact on behaviour as when she is ill the meds are more or less redundant and her night sleep disturbed and then it affects behaviour. So what do you reckon do you think children with learning disabilities seek each other out?????? Sharon x

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son whose 8 has AS and he likes to be in the company of other kids. He wants to have friends, but there are lots of issues which makes it difficult for him to keep friends. I'm aware that since he was very young he has a tendency to home in on people that are a bit different, for example, I recall him telling a man on the bus that had a physical disability that he was a very nice man. There's been lots of other instances, but I wouldn't say that he's drawn to them as such in the sense that he wants to be friends, etc, although he's good at noticing differences and is interested is people because of that. It could simply be that groups of disabled (be it a physical/mental disability or disorder) children/adults that appear to stick together do so because they're more comfortable in each other's company because they're all different or in the same boat (ie they're accepting of each other).

 

Caroline.

[bensmum2]

Hi Sharon, in my opinion, the answer to this is ABSOLUTELY DEFINATELY POSITIVELY YES!!! I have never really thought about it , but i know my son( who is 14 and only diagnosed aspergers last year), prefers the company of children who are similar to himself. He had one friend for a while in his last year at primary and and we took him on holiday with us for the weekend once, OMG!! He was just like a mirror image of our son and we had never seen any problems just having him round for a couple of hours, but after the holiday we told his mum about our sons problems and she said o yes i think he has got the same problem, only he had never been diagnosed and she wasn't pursuing it. When we go on holiday, if he gets chatting to someone , their parents always say they never usually get on with others because of their strange ways but our son gets on with them. I home school at the moment and he used to go out nearly every night sports or clubs, but he didnt like the mainstream ones and now only goes to three but they are all asd ones. He says he wants to be with others who understand him and although their is cinfrontation sometimes between them, they all understand each other. My first experience of this was when he joined the local asd resource base after school club before he was diagnosed, it was like walking into a room full of him , not much talking but lots of "getting on " , it's odd really but they were getting on with each other but not speaking much, that is his favourite place in the whole world. He now wants to go to school with people like himself and has just finally got a statement , but they are trying to force him back into mainstream where he can't cope, but i intend to0 fight for him to be with people he can make friends with, he also is partially sighted and loves going to the clubs for ps and blind children , because he doesn't stand out and they all understand each other and i also think he finds it less challenging, especially the asd clubs , he isn't forced into anything he doesn't want to do. Of course camhs and other people say it's not good for him to always be around disabled people" but i dissagree, i think that will make him a more understanding and caring person in the long run, and if that also makes him happier in the meantime, that's fine by me !!!

[justine1]

Hi

I think it is possible,but they prehaps do not realise why they do it.I recently put a post here about some local teenagers who asked Sam if he has special needs and it was funny because I do not think they would just ask anyone,they pointed out how different he is and said he talks like an adult.Sam told them he has Aspergers.

 

I do not think this "drawing together" is exclusive to kids with Special needs I also think people that originate from the same country "know" or regocnise other people from their "tribe" even if they have been in UK for many generations.My eldest has had this experience twice,when he first started pre school he was playing with a bot who we discovered his mum comes from a nearby village to my sons dad,so even though both boys have dual heritage they were still drawn to each other.

It happened again last year,again with my eldest,he befriended a girl(also with dual heritage) whose mum comes from a country next to his dads and they can speak a simialr dialect,it is nice because she goes back "home" and they have a common ground they are a year apart go to different schools but they are best friends.

 

I think it is similar to parents who have given children up for adoption,they can usually tell their child(20 years later) apart from a crowd.

[shaz71]

Hi

I think it is possible,but they prehaps do not realise why they do it.I recently put a post here about some local teenagers who asked Sam if he has special needs and it was funny because I do not think they would just ask anyone,they pointed out how different he is and said he talks like an adult.Sam told them he has Aspergers.

 

I do not think this "drawing together" is exclusive to kids with Special needs I also think people that originate from the same country "know" or regocnise other people from their "tribe" even if they have been in UK for many generations.My eldest has had this experience twice,when he first started pre school he was playing with a bot who we discovered his mum comes from a nearby village to my sons dad,so even though both boys have dual heritage they were still drawn to each other.

It happened again last year,again with my eldest,he befriended a girl(also with dual heritage) whose mum comes from a country next to his dads and they can speak a simialr dialect,it is nice because she goes back "home" and they have a common ground they are a year apart go to different schools but they are best friends.

 

I think it is similar to parents who have given children up for adoption,they can usually tell their child(20 years later) apart from a crowd.

 

 

The reasone why i do suspect is the way she acts with people when younger she would literally cling to them and didn't understand what she was doing, she is very hyper but moreson when out and about, she was extemely anxious at school but as calmed down now but taken until this year to do so, she never waves only just started to say hello back to people now and even then as to be prompted. On paper she knows about emotions but in reality she hasn't a clue, she has laughed when people are genuinely crying thinking they are joking, then the same when we have gotten angry as she isn't listneing she thinks we're joking and carries on. Following instructions especially longer ones she struggles with, but even shorter ones she stands there as if she hasn't heard for a minuite then goes off and doesn't get that she needs to tell us if she has done the request, socially she has friends and makes friends easy but doesn't get that they don't want to play her dinosaur games and they soon go off, she talks to them from the side and looks everywhere else but at them when talking to them, doesn't use her hands hardly at all even when walking and running they seem to stay at her side, obviously when climbing she does but for communication, doesn't know which is left and right up and down, she will show me which is which but when i then say can you get something from the bottom shelf in fridge she comes back and says can't find it, i then show her where it is and ask where she looked and she looked at the top?????

Imagination yes she has got a imagination, she literally becomes animals, she didn't do the ususal baby games with dollies she plays with animals and dinosaurs dragons, and watches things over and over again but i think that is because of her poor memory as she wants to learn each sentence and to know what happens next lol, but she literally becomes animals her favourites are raptor she does the stance and the sound to a tee, and then tigers, she likes the ones that kill??? she is more like a boy than girl. As she as gotten older she is getting better with some of the stuff but she still has difficulties but she also has this thing of repeating people straight after but the weird thing is she knows she shouldn't be doing it so whispers it, many a time i have heard her repeating me under her breath, so she knows it isn't normal so does it quietly, does any of yours do this? I can go on and on i want an ed psych to look at her in school, as the cahms psychologist said yes some of the suff is abnormal but some children are like this and she wouldn't get a diagnosis, more like she was looking at me and thinking i was neurotic and at the time i probably was as i had hardly any sleep due to my younger daughter with severe reflux, but i tell you now i would give her a right what for.

 

Also my older son is going fro professional help as he is really struggling with up and down moods and has done all his life, he wasn't very social but would say hello to people whereas melissa wouldn't so he got greetings, and funnily enough he hung around with an autistic lad and another lad that later got diangosed with something to do with people and anxiety. He as a serious anger problem and has started head butting walls and seriously doing some briusing to his forehead and hitting himself in face that hard causing bruising to his face for 2 weeks but then he will be ok for a bit then it happens again like a cycle, his bedroom when on low is untidy and disorganized then when ok he literally blitz it, moves the room round then it begins again, constantly sleeping, he is 18yrs old.

 

And my older daughter who is 15 soon, she is another one, she hangs around with what people call geeks, two of her friends the parents are white witches, my daughter is social but hangs around with either younger or a lot older although she does have friends her age that have stopped calling for her as she never goes out, she spends hours drawing anima and manga, avatar and final fantasy characters even on computer she will watch little episodes on you tube, not do what others do and use it to chat to others, mind you she has just set up account on facebook and spoke to my friends son who she suspects is on the autistic spectrum and him and my daughter had a conversation about avatar and their drawings lol she gets easily stressed and also head butts things when angry and i caughter her self harming and i asked why she was doing it and it was because she was frustrated because this gang got her and her friend against a wall and then hit her friend and she couldn't do anything and she felt useless, she already as little self esteem.

 

My younger daughter time will tell, but she is extremely strong minded so will see how she goes at school, she seems to have calmed down to what she was after having the mmr and the other injection she lost her 10words and her behaviour went mental literally banging heads mine and everyone else with her own wasn't social as she just went around hitting other children, but she is better now, although if someone hits her god forbid them as her anger when they do is profound and will hit them back twice as hard, she is very big for her age, she is the size of a 4-5yr old and has just turned 3, she tiptoes on certain floorings and it looks funny when she does it, she also flaps her hands when excited, but so do a lot of other children our lisa does as well the 14yr old, but zoes anger when she goes she throws chairs, her speech is still a bit unclear so keeping an eye on her, i do think she is more forward than our melissa was at her age, melissa couldn't cycle, she just didn't get it and trying to count she is showing interest in numbers and letters whereas melissa didn't.

 

Anyway sorry for rambling on. Sharon x

[shaz71]

The reasone why i do suspect is the way she acts with people when younger she would literally cling to them and didn't understand what she was doing, she is very hyper but moreson when out and about, she was extemely anxious at school but as calmed down now but taken until this year to do so, she never waves only just started to say hello back to people now and even then as to be prompted. On paper she knows about emotions but in reality she hasn't a clue, she has laughed when people are genuinely crying thinking they are joking, then the same when we have gotten angry as she isn't listneing she thinks we're joking and carries on. Following instructions especially longer ones she struggles with, but even shorter ones she stands there as if she hasn't heard for a minuite then goes off and doesn't get that she needs to tell us if she has done the request, socially she has friends and makes friends easy but doesn't get that they don't want to play her dinosaur games and they soon go off, she talks to them from the side and looks everywhere else but at them when talking to them, doesn't use her hands hardly at all even when walking and running they seem to stay at her side, obviously when climbing she does but for communication, doesn't know which is left and right up and down, she will show me which is which but when i then say can you get something from the bottom shelf in fridge she comes back and says can't find it, i then show her where it is and ask where she looked and she looked at the top?????

Imagination yes she has got a imagination, she literally becomes animals, she didn't do the ususal baby games with dollies she plays with animals and dinosaurs dragons, and watches things over and over again but i think that is because of her poor memory as she wants to learn each sentence and to know what happens next lol, but she literally becomes animals her favourites are raptor she does the stance and the sound to a tee, and then tigers, she likes the ones that kill??? she is more like a boy than girl. As she as gotten older she is getting better with some of the stuff but she still has difficulties but she also has this thing of repeating people straight after but the weird thing is she knows she shouldn't be doing it so whispers it, many a time i have heard her repeating me under her breath, so she knows it isn't normal so does it quietly, does any of yours do this? I can go on and on i want an ed psych to look at her in school, as the cahms psychologist said yes some of the suff is abnormal but some children are like this and she wouldn't get a diagnosis, more like she was looking at me and thinking i was neurotic and at the time i probably was as i had hardly any sleep due to my younger daughter with severe reflux, but i tell you now i would give her a right what for.

 

Also my older son is going fro professional help as he is really struggling with up and down moods and has done all his life, he wasn't very social but would say hello to people whereas melissa wouldn't so he got greetings, and funnily enough he hung around with an autistic lad and another lad that later got diangosed with something to do with people and anxiety. He as a serious anger problem and has started head butting walls and seriously doing some briusing to his forehead and hitting himself in face that hard causing bruising to his face for 2 weeks but then he will be ok for a bit then it happens again like a cycle, his bedroom when on low is untidy and disorganized then when ok he literally blitz it, moves the room round then it begins again, constantly sleeping, he is 18yrs old.

 

And my older daughter who is 15 soon, she is another one, she hangs around with what people call geeks, two of her friends the parents are white witches, my daughter is social but hangs around with either younger or a lot older although she does have friends her age that have stopped calling for her as she never goes out, she spends hours drawing anima and manga, avatar and final fantasy characters even on computer she will watch little episodes on you tube, not do what others do and use it to chat to others, mind you she has just set up account on facebook and spoke to my friends son who she suspects is on the autistic spectrum and him and my daughter had a conversation about avatar and their drawings lol she gets easily stressed and also head butts things when angry and i caughter her self harming and i asked why she was doing it and it was because she was frustrated because this gang got her and her friend against a wall and then hit her friend and she couldn't do anything and she felt useless, she already as little self esteem.

 

My younger daughter time will tell, but she is extremely strong minded so will see how she goes at school, she seems to have calmed down to what she was after having the mmr and the other injection she lost her 10words and her behaviour went mental literally banging heads mine and everyone else with her own wasn't social as she just went around hitting other children, but she is better now, although if someone hits her god forbid them as her anger when they do is profound and will hit them back twice as hard, she is very big for her age, she is the size of a 4-5yr old and has just turned 3, she tiptoes on certain floorings and it looks funny when she does it, she also flaps her hands when excited, but so do a lot of other children our lisa does as well the 14yr old, but zoes anger when she goes she throws chairs, her speech is still a bit unclear so keeping an eye on her, i do think she is more forward than our melissa was at her age, melissa couldn't cycle, she just didn't get it and trying to count she is showing interest in numbers and letters whereas melissa didn't.

 

Anyway sorry for rambling on. Sharon x

 

 

Sorry after all that rambling i meant to say that they do seek out each other more for they have similar interests and can relax with each other, it is funny what they do with each other, my friend invited the autistic lad to dinner with her lad who i do suspect to have adhd and she said his concentration was really poor he kept playing on wii for about a minuite then would get up and look out of the window at regularly intervals but they are all immature together so maybe on the same wave length there in their play and mannerisms. Sharon x

[Sammysnake]

A new boy joined my daughter's class last year who has lots of behavioural difficulties and AS too. Most kids keep their distance to a degree as he often gets upset and lashes out although one girl did start 'mothering him' for a while. Beth recognised that he gets angrier than other people but never commented on any other difference and they soon became best friends at school, always playing together. It was seeing the two of them together and their similarities in the things that stress them that helped me decide Beth definitely has AS too. I found it very interesting they were both drawn to one another and their teacher felt it important enough to mention on the paperwork she sent to the paediatrician asking him to diagnose Beth.

 

I love the fact the two of them have found one another as they help make breaktimes easier (if the lad's not in the 'sin bin'!) I do worry though that neither of them is providing a good social role model for the other. I've noticed Beth picking up a lot of (in my view) negative mannerisms from him such as growling at me if I do something she doesn't like. Beth's also commented that she doesn't always want to play with him as he can be too rough (and Beth is hyper sensitive to pain) but he doesn't listen! Not always the best mix the two together!!