Do people with ASD's react different/worse to others with ASD's?

[dekaspace]

I know this guy from my first uni 3 years ago that was really pushy when it came to making friends, he would speak to EVERYONE and ask to go out drinking every night with ranomers, but with me he was noticably kinda negative one time he did hold a conversation with me but never again and I found him to be almost grumpy with me.

 

I didnt know I had Aspergers then but knew he had it and he got a huge amount of money to help him.

 

Looking back I notice the times I spoke to him I was often pulling the conversation towards me as I always do and why I dont have many friends since I have one sided convesations and butt in over people.

 

Theres another guy at my local game shop which is similar, he is VERY friendly to all customers but with me wont even respond to me and just blanks me, when I purchased a game I jokingly said that it only cost 1p and it would cost more in printing labels etc and he ignored me.

 

Other times he actually goes so far as to avoid me when hes on the counter despite me only having spoken to him about twice in 6 years.

 

He may not have ASD's but comes across as a typical asperger to me.

 

Anyway do people with ASD's treat others with similar disablities worse than "normal" people.

[justine1]

Hi

No offense but that wouldnt make sense!How would either of you know the other has an ASD? Unless you both happened to wear T-shirts that say so

So therefore if someone is rude or unkind they could be NT or ASD,no way you can tell!!!!

As mentioned so many times everyone is different, if someone doesnt like you or vise versa it wouldnt be down to your ASD it would be a clash of personalities.

[dekaspace]

Hi

No offense but that wouldnt make sense!How would either of you know the other has an ASD? Unless you both happened to wear T-shirts that say so

So therefore if someone is rude or unkind they could be NT or ASD,no way you can tell!!!!

As mentioned so many times everyone is different, if someone doesnt like you or vise versa it wouldnt be down to your ASD it would be a clash of personalities.

 

I knew guy 1 had aspergers as he told me he had disabilities and got support for it and I think mentioned aspergers and I know the lecturers were careful what they said around him etc.

 

I was getting at because many people with ASD's llike aspergers have social interaction problems I clashed with his personality as he was used to talking to and wanting to fit in with the popular crowd and obsesed with people liking him(apart from me)

Edited May 11, 2010 by dekaspace

[baranigirl]

is it possible other peeps find you a little 'full on' so they back off? Am referring to where you state you bring the convo round to yourself

 

'Looking back I notice the times I spoke to him I was often pulling the conversation towards me as I always do and why I dont have many friends since I have one sided convesations and butt in over people'

 

[baddad]

Hi Dekaspace -

 

I think the problem with all social communication is that you only have to 'miss' slightly and the effects can be very dramatic. A 'fluffed' joke among friends can become a joke in itself, while a fluffed joke with a stranger or new acquaintence can lead to them making all sorts of negative assumptions that are almost impossible to overcome.

I don't think people on the spectrum are any less 'tolerant' - in fact I suspect the opposite is true with people they know and like, purely and simply because for them too many of the 'normal' social expectations don't apply. But I do think that is probably offset but the fact that many autistic people are reluctant to engage with new people anyway, and that for some 'black and white thinking' may very quickly delineate people they do/don't want to interact with, and that when that happens they may be less concerned about (or aware of) the social 'niceties' that might come into play when some NT's meet people they don't particularly like.

 

I think all you can do in the long term is seek friendships with people who do respond favourably to your social advances, and to pace that depending on circumstances. That can be really hard, especially if you miss the 'body language' cues that make up such a big part of 'NT' communication, but the more situations you can get yourself into where you meet the same people regularly (and preferably where a 'shared interest' might already be part of the agenda - like a sport, or hobby, study course...) and can 'build up' to a friendship the better

 

L&P

 

BD

[trekster]

Hi

No offense but that wouldnt make sense!How would either of you know the other has an ASD? Unless you both happened to wear T-shirts that say so

So therefore if someone is rude or unkind they could be NT or ASD,no way you can tell!!!!

As mentioned so many times everyone is different, if someone doesnt like you or vise versa it wouldnt be down to your ASD it would be a clash of personalities.

 

i can sense someone else is autistic by their behaviour. i treat similar people better than NTs.

[justine1]

i can sense someone else is autistic by their behaviour. i treat similar people better than NTs.

I agree that you can sometimes sense that someone else is ASD(I mentioned this before when discussing some local youths who asked my son if he is special needs),but I do not think its fool proof(sp?) way of knowing.Especially to consider ASD is such a wide spectrum.

 

I would think people that have similar disabilities have more understanding of one another so maybe more polite but doesnt mean they will always be best friends.

[baddad]

i can sense someone else is autistic by their behaviour. i treat similar people better than NTs.

 

Why do you treat neurotypical people with less consideration than you show other autistic people? Isn't that counterproductive? Trekster, as you were one of the people who remotely diagnosed me by my 'typing' I really think you've got to forget the idea that you are either qualified or somehow 'gifted' regarding random diagnosis. That's not to say that some peoples behaviour isn't 'symptomatic' of autism, but that doesn't necessarily make them autistic. What you're talking about is no more reliable than 'gaydar' or something like that, and while I think most people's gaydar would pick up on someone like Alan Carr or Julian Clary it would not be so reliable with someone like, say, Jeremy Clarkson......

Which is not to say or even to suggest in any way that Jeremy Clarkson is gay - and even if he is wot of it? - but the simple recognition that he or someone like him could be, despite not fitting the stereotypes that are usually applied to gay men.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

[zenemu]

What you're talking about is no more reliable than 'gaydar' or something like that, and while I think most people's gaydar would pick up on someone like Alan Carr or Julian Clary it would not be so reliable with someone like, say, Jeremy Clarkson......

 

L&P

 

BD

 

I agree. I have AS and I occasionally work with other people who are ASD, and if there is one thing I have learnt it is that ASD presents in so many different ways and people learn so many different strategies to cope with it that even professionals often have trouble giving a definitive ASD diagnosis. The truth is I have met people who (as I'm sure you all have) are just clever and socially awkward and a bit shy who on first impression you would consider to be ASD. Also, some ASD's are extreme extroverts and not always the introverted personality the people would expect. ASD is an extremely complex thing to diagnose in some cases and extremely obvious in others, but you can't take first impressions for granted.

 

Zen

 

 

[Tally]

Maybe your difficulties with these people is just their response to the way you come across. If you've only spoken to a shop assistant twice in six years, you would have to have done something fairly memorable for him to even know he wants to ignore you.

[crossouttheeyes]

i probably get on better with NTs because i'm much more comfortable around more outgoing people, being quite shy myself it gets awkward around similarly quiet people. that said, when i discover someone who seems difficult in fact has asperger's or something, i find them much easier to deal with, having that information because i understand. i don't try and treat anyone differently, NT or AS. it shouldn't be important.

[ScienceGeek]

It wouldn't matter to me if someone was ASD or not, I try to treat everyone the same. I guess the only difference being that I can relax a little more as I'm not trying to be normal so much around people who are alike

[trekster]

Why do you treat neurotypical people with less consideration than you show other autistic people? Isn't that counterproductive? Trekster, as you were one of the people who remotely diagnosed me by my 'typing' I really think you've got to forget the idea that you are either qualified or somehow 'gifted' regarding random diagnosis. That's not to say that some peoples behaviour isn't 'symptomatic' of autism, but that doesn't necessarily make them autistic. What you're talking about is no more reliable than 'gaydar' or something like that, and while I think most people's gaydar would pick up on someone like Alan Carr or Julian Clary it would not be so reliable with someone like, say, Jeremy Clarkson......

Which is not to say or even to suggest in any way that Jeremy Clarkson is gay - and even if he is wot of it? - but the simple recognition that he or someone like him could be, despite not fitting the stereotypes that are usually applied to gay men.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Sorry that was badly worded some groups of NTs i avoid, also i get more nervous around NTs than autistics. i am not qualified to diagnose you so i have not done so, i have just expressed the opinion that you are autistic from your behaviour on here. ive asked 2 other members in private who both say "i dont know" so it's not just me who thinks this.

 

How do you know how reliable my autism detector is?

 

[trekster]

I agree. I have AS and I occasionally work with other people who are ASD, and if there is one thing I have learnt it is that ASD presents in so many different ways and people learn so many different strategies to cope with it that even professionals often have trouble giving a definitive ASD diagnosis. The truth is I have met people who (as I'm sure you all have) are just clever and socially awkward and a bit shy who on first impression you would consider to be ASD. Also, some ASD's are extreme extroverts and not always the introverted personality the people would expect. ASD is an extremely complex thing to diagnose in some cases and extremely obvious in others, but you can't take first impressions for granted.

 

Zen

 

i disagree since neither of you have met me in RL so cannot reliably tell me whether or not i can spot autistics from their behaviour. i use the autism alert card to help me decide whether or not i think someones autistic. This is only an opinion and im not your doctor. i dont take anything for granted being a PTSD survivor has taught me that.

[trekster]

i probably get on better with NTs because i'm much more comfortable around more outgoing people, being quite shy myself it gets awkward around similarly quiet people. that said, when i discover someone who seems difficult in fact has asperger's or something, i find them much easier to deal with, having that information because i understand. i don't try and treat anyone differently, NT or AS. it shouldn't be important.

 

Problem is when an NT is literal thats cheeky or rude, when an autistic is they just need a literal explanation of what the speaker actually meant.

To me that is treating people differently.

[Mumble]

ive asked 2 other members in private who both say "i dont know" so it's not just me who thinks this.

That response can also mean "I do not want to be drawn into this discussion".

 

i use the autism alert card to help me decide whether or not i think someones autistic.

Cool - how do I get one of them? Does it flash red and release an audible "Warning ... Autistic ahead" a bit like the reversing dust-carts?

 

[crossouttheeyes]

Problem is when an NT is literal thats cheeky or rude, when an autistic is they just need a literal explanation of what the speaker actually meant.

To me that is treating people differently.

 

...one could say everyone needs to be treated differently, so in that way i agree. i don't to much of an extent bear in mind whether someone is autistic or NT when interacting with them though, although it's nice to know and helps me understand better, and actually i'd hope people didn't treat me differently with knowledge that i have asperger's, compared to not knowing. people know just by looking at me that i'm kind of eccentric, anyway. and i'm ok with that. so i don't think it's important for people to know, in my case.

 

meh, that's just me. i can't remember what i was trying to say or whether what i'm saying has any relevance whatsoever to anything, so sorry about the ramblings.

[trekster]

That response can also mean "I do not want to be drawn into this discussion".

 

 

Cool - how do I get one of them? Does it flash red and release an audible "Warning ... Autistic ahead" a bit like the reversing dust-carts?

 

These are types of people who would tell me if they didn't wish to discuss whether they felt someone was autistic.

 

No an autism alert card is used for emergencies when you have to show it to people who dont understand autism.